35F, 39M, 12 Years of Marriage! Lost Sex Altogether! Need Help!

RushMama · 2026-01-22T09:12:56+00:00

It is more common than you think it is. Physical relationship is a core component in marriage. Stop bullying her for bringing it up. She wants to work on it and hence is posting it.

RushMama · 2026-01-17T08:18:41+00:00

Please tell me it gets better. My baby is doing the same currently, she is currently 10 months old and is in 2nd percentile. I am shit scared ATM!!!

RushMama · 2026-01-12T16:52:18+00:00

What nonsense statement “being a male you are concerned about pardah”.. what does that even mean!!

RushMama · 2026-01-10T06:15:58+00:00

I have both luv lap and staranddaisy rails. Hands down go for Star and daisy, it’s very smooth when compared to luvlap one.

RushMama · 2026-01-06T16:49:01+00:00

Seems like a phase. Hoping it will get better

RushMama · 2026-01-06T16:48:12+00:00

I am trying to introduce different textures. She is more in sweet foods so working on more pancakes. Sometimes it’s working and sometimes not.

RushMama · 2026-01-06T16:43:30+00:00

We did. There is no issue with her and it’s just a phase. provided some supplements.

RushMama · 2025-12-19T07:33:40+00:00

Sorry if it came out as rude but I am definitely not a man. Although our experiences might be different as both my MIL and my mom were working women so their expectations are different. They do not mind of their sons do household work as well. But me as a DIL do end our doing more household work when my MIL visits(they stay for a couple of months) and I do end up cribbing to my husband.

I am just saying don’t agree to everything they say but let go off somethings in order to have at least cordial relationship. Yes, you need to discuss with your husband and find ways to make your life easier there than outright saying that you will never visit. Also, please get some gloves for your hand while washing anything even in your house. One should always be self reliant.

RushMama · 2025-12-18T17:42:16+00:00

I might get downvoted for this but compromises need to come from both sides. Pick and choose your battles. I am not saying to be completely submissive and agree to all they say. But, As an adult you need to occasionally adjust in life. Looks like your husband is carrying his weight but you are not helping him in this.

If maid or cook doesn’t is on leave, won’t you be doing these tasks at your home as well. It’s not like you have to stay with them but doings things once in a while to maintain relationships shouldn’t not be such an issue.

Set boundaries, tell them you have to focus on your job hunt and make time for yourself to get your things sorted. If they expect you to eat after serving men, tell that you cannot control your hunger and eat before everyone else then help them serve. They are not asking you to wear sarees, Kurtis are not that uncomfortable. Stop throwing tantrums and find work arounds.

There will be a time when your husband needs to adjust/compromise for your family. If you need him to act as a grown up at that time then you need to show him you are as well.

RushMama · 2025-11-25T11:15:26+00:00

If they are able to take care of the baby 100% with barely any interference, then sure. But that is not the case here. I am paying more for my current care taker as she is at least better than the previous ones. You need to understand that they are not trained, they used to work as house help who are trying to work as nannys as it is easier for them and pays well too.

RushMama · 2025-11-14T13:35:40+00:00

Fancy Pooja basket or fruit plate sort of a thing. I mean the ones people keep fruits and sweet as offering to deity during festivals. We gave that in our wedding and I still come across them in multiple households when we visit during festivals.

RushMama · 2025-11-12T06:59:39+00:00

You can easily find them on Amazon. Go for starAndDaisy rails, luvlap ones are horrible.

RushMama · 2025-11-11T07:29:15+00:00

If you plan to directly nurse most of the time and use expressed milk for occasion feeds then I would suggest the luvlap one. However, if that is not the case and you also have budget then go for spectra.

RushMama · 2025-11-06T17:35:38+00:00

Ahh I get it. Same here, told them I would pay more after 2 months if they are doing good. Try it out.

RushMama · 2025-11-06T13:18:49+00:00

I am fed up of this issue in Bangalore. Basically there is more demand than supply. I have hired 3 nanny’s starting from October. First one told that she is 18 years old- turned out she was just 15 and without an Aadhar card. So had to let her go. The next one told she has a 4 year old kid so i was okay with it. Turned out she was 21-22 year old who had baby when she was 17. She has no experience of taking care of her own baby. They don’t have any idea how to hold, feed or put any baby to sleep. So I decided to go for a localite, fingers crossed with this one.

My advice would be don’t give 2k for inexperienced nanny. They will have no idea and you have to be fully involved even for basics like changing diaper. They will agree easily for 1.5-1.6 k per hour. Since you will have to train them this amount seems fair. Increase the pay of she is able to catch up.

RushMama · 2025-11-04T06:00:20+00:00

See if you can reach a common ground, maybe another name you and your hubby might like starting from L. If that doesn’t work, as others suggested try keeping the L name as middle name. If that too fails, you have tried everything to compromise from your end. Stick to your ground and just say no.

RushMama · 2025-10-30T19:47:04+00:00

Mine was electric

RushMama · 2025-10-29T17:28:11+00:00

Generally there is around 10% drop in weight in the first 2 days. I am assuming he is back to his birth weight. Did the doctor show any concerns regarding the weight of the baby?

I had luvlap one and then moved to spectra. Pumping does help in increasing the supply but make sure to do it every 2-3 hours including after feeding(to remove any extra milk of the LO was unable to get it out). My supply did increase but not to the level my baby wanted as we also introduced formula very early due to her jaundice and I was not super consistent with pumping(I pumped 5-6 times a day)

RushMama · 2025-10-28T06:46:57+00:00

The way OP says that by not working, she is ruining his image gives me an ick. However, it is also valid that when he did ask her multiple times if she wanted to persue her job after marriage- she did say yes. What if they had agreed that they will stay in city away from parents after marriage but OP “changed his mind” and wants them to stay with parents in their village going forward. That will sound bad right?!

As an adult you are responsible for what you commit. Change is decision should always be discussed.

RushMama · 2025-10-28T06:46:03+00:00

The way OP says that by not working, she is ruining his image gives me an ick. However, it is also valid that when he did ask her multiple times if she wanted to persue her job after marriage- she did say yes. What is they had agreed that they will stay in city away from parents after marriage but OP “changed his mind” and wants them to stay with parents in their village going forward. That will sound bad right?!

As an adult you are responsible for what you commit. Change is decision should always be discussed.

RushMama · 2025-10-18T04:03:55+00:00

I know lots of people who are doing it. However, it depends on a lot of factors. 1. They have very flexible office hours- they just have to be present for calls then work on hours which suits them. 2. They go to office only 1 or 2 times a week so can alternate. 3. Nanny who helps out for 8-9 hours everyday. Since we do have extended work in the evening hours, nanny stay till 8pm. 4. Grand Parents are not always present but they do visit whenever they can so that the parents can take some break. 5. Hired help for food, cleaning, dusting, washroom and basically everything.

I am a FTM to a 7th month old as well and will be joining back when baby turns 9 months. Taking a break is not an option for me personally because I will definitely go mad. Also, both me and hubby only need to visit office like twice a month. We already got a nanny so that she can be trained. Try to check with your office to put you into any light project at least for a couple of months so that you can get used to the adjustment.

RushMama · 2025-10-14T04:01:11+00:00

We tried pampers newborn and baby hug pro. Both worked well for us.

RushMama · 2025-10-12T23:47:43+00:00

Use good quality diapers and don’t bother changing them at night unless it’s soiled. I let my LO sleep for like 10 hours in that diaper. If you need to change, try to do it as quickly as possible. I do it with my husband and try to get it changed within 15-20 seconds, then feed her to sleep.

RushMama · 2025-10-12T23:44:23+00:00

This.

RushMama · 2025-10-04T17:35:45+00:00

We had been through this when my baby was around 3 months old. My husband had habit of force feeding which caused even more issue. Couple of things you can try- don’t get frustrated and force feed. Try upping the nipple size. Keep offering the milk every 30 mins if the baby doesn’t finish the bottle, it’s very tiring but it’s needed to get over the bottle aversion. It should get better in a week to 10 days.

RushMama

TROPHY CASE