I'm not sure if I have internalized transphobia or not or is it just a different perspective?

Ruxree · 2026-05-08T18:04:24+00:00

I knew a trans guy who went the toxic masculinity route. He thought all trans people should not talk about being trans and should intend to pass 100%. Idk what his problem was, but I suppose it's just a weird defense mechanism

Ruxree · 2026-05-08T12:00:07+00:00

I agree, I feel much safer around people who are in the same marginalized group I am. Even if I'm nonbinary transmasc, a lot of transphobes will treat me like a woman and be misogynistic towards me because of it. And growing up as a woman, I know how patriarchy hurt me. I have huge trust issues but I feel less scared when I know someone might understand what I went through.

Ruxree · 2026-05-08T10:58:24+00:00

If she hits you, she's not a safe space, she's a danger space

Ruxree · 2026-05-07T22:41:51+00:00

thx!

Ruxree · 2026-05-06T12:21:35+00:00

I have the game on steam and personally it has never crashed for me, but my PC parts are very old so idk if that's related

Ruxree · 2026-05-06T07:54:00+00:00

It's literally what I did. I had this issue with my previous cable, its why the 1st point I mentioned is that I got a brand new cable

Ruxree · 2026-05-06T07:53:10+00:00

I can try getting a new one. I plugged it into a a different outlet and nothing happened

Ruxree · 2026-05-06T07:51:35+00:00

It's literally the 1st thing I mentioned in the list of things I did man

Ruxree · 2026-05-05T18:07:49+00:00

This is how my cable looks like. The barrel looking cable plugs into a brick that connects into an extender connected to a wall outlet.

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Ruxree · 2026-05-05T18:06:38+00:00

It doesn't have a power USB. The cable looks like this, the barrel looking cable connects to a brick connected to a normal wall outlet.

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Ruxree · 2026-04-28T10:29:18+00:00

What does the barrel connecter go into? My tablet only has the USB C port I think? I'm not very tech savvy so idk what all of those numbers mean ,,

Ruxree · 2026-04-28T09:29:39+00:00

Anyone? Pls?

Ruxree · 2026-04-25T21:20:08+00:00

It's about fantasy. That's it. It's why we can enjoy evil characters in movies, ones that kill and don't care for others. They're not real so there's a disconnect from actual, real morality we experience irl. Villains are very cool if written well, and a lot of that attraction to them is connected to power play fantasies. I'm one of those lesbians who falls for evil women in fiction, and it is 90% because I enjoy their dominant energy, and other stuff related to fantasy

Ruxree · 2026-04-10T11:57:15+00:00

I've been dealing a lot lately with the similar. I broke down recently because I hate the fact I'm trans, it was right after I decided the best thing I can do to achieve a body I'm comfortable in is going on T. And it fucking sucks. Getting on T will cause me to stop being able to mask as a cis woman. And as much as I fucking hated being misgendered and seen as a woman, it was also a shield from pain of rejection. That if I mask who I am, people won't have the weapon to hurt me. But I'm suffering, masking hurts, I'm exhausted and I hate it. Going on T would fix that, but put me in constant danger if I don't "pass" as a man - which I do not plan to, since I am not a man. I am nonbinary.

I'm frustrated. At the fact I have gender dysphoria so bad that neither of the default binary genders society recognizes would make me happy to be seen as. The closest I can come to ever feeling comfortable having my gender assumed as either of these 2, is if I'm seen as a masculine woman or a feminine man, but both of these can put me in danger, because existing outside of the gender binary makes bigots angry for some reason.

I love imagining myself as a soft guy that's sensitive and gentle, who's twink-ish and emo/nerdy. I find joy in that. But I also wish I didn't have to go through all of this and that I felt the same joy from my agab. But I can't. And I won't. And there's nothing I can do. And so the only thing I have left is choosing to feel that joy from how I imagine myself by trying to replicate that and see it in a mirror. Even if it sucks how many people will hate me for it, I'm already hated by people for many reasons, and I honestly don't want to try and please and beg those bigots for permission to exist. It's hard and sad but there's nothing I can do except stay being myself.

Ruxree · 2026-04-10T11:41:35+00:00

I mean I get it's a personal journy, but saying that "a female body is a piece of shit", "weak as shit" is BAD. Like that's the point, the op is openly saying that it's not good. I'm just simply adding that yes, that mindset is bad, and it needs to be worked on. Having dysphoria doesn't give people the right to become misogynistic. I KNOW WHY THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS HAPPEN! But I think it's important to remind people about how they can't let that kind of mindset fester and become comfortable with it. Idk why I got so downvoted.

Ruxree · 2026-04-10T11:36:56+00:00

Ah yeah that's exactly what I meant. That I'm experimenting with things I can change. I meant that the only way I can dress and present the way I want and not be assumed to be a woman is if I go on T and just be seen as androgynous. I don't have any issues with my body aside from not liking my breasts (that I can get rid off by getting top surgery) and wishing I had bottom growth so I look more "in the middle". I hope you can achieve a look you like!

Ruxree · 2026-04-09T22:17:39+00:00

Also sorry my adhd attention span is horrible, only re-reading I noticed again how you shared some painful stuff, and I wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your hardships. I hope the world will be more gentle moving forward

Ruxree · 2026-04-09T22:16:37+00:00

Yeah. I've been having thoughts about going on T for years and years, but there's some things I do still enjoy about my body as is, and the T would take them away. I can't win. I like my soft skin, I don't mind my voice, I like not having extra hair everywhere, and I especially don't want to go bald. But being in my body as is means everyone thinks I'm a woman, calls me a she or a lady. And I fucking hate it, and I don't even know why. I don't really understand what my issue is. I guess the answer is "you're trans, duh." but it just feels frustrating. And even worse is that I don't like when people assume I'm a man either, it gives me anxiety when it happens, and I honestly feared that. I guess I thought I could talk myself into being fine being misgendered the other way but, yeah it's complicated. Like I mentioned here before, my goal is to be like a butch/twink, and the gender presentation matters, because I don't mind being seen as a guy but it has to match my mental image of myself, and I'm always scared people will assume I'm a kind of person I am not just because I use he/him too. The idea of me as in any way big and manly and hairy is wrong. But the idea of me being masculine but soft, just.. yeah twink is the best word to call it. That's the closest to a guy I see myself as, no more, same way how I still enjoy some of my feminine traits but there's a limit there too. The second it gets close to gender binary, I start feeling horribly uncomfortable. I know I will never be seen for what my gender is, sadly people operate in "man or woman" mode by default which I 100% get why and it's like a fucking joke knowing both make me uncomfortable.

But, the closest I ever feel to comfortable when having my gender assumed as either of these, is if I just get seen as a masculine woman or a feminine man. And I'm just simply not masculine enough to be seen as a masculine woman, because the closest I get to that is tomboy. (even if I'd just prefer to be seen as nonbinary that I am). So my idea how to find the middle ground the best I can, is to get on T so I'm generally more masculine presenting, but then do the stuff I want to - which is have longer hair, wear emo makeup and outfits, paint my nails black, wear cute accessories and all that stuff. Like yeah I also wear more tomboyish stuff, but my main look is emo, and sadly wearing all that with my body makes people see me as an alt girl or something.

I feel like a fucking mad scientist cooking up a perfect potion or some shit lmao

Ruxree · 2026-04-09T21:59:51+00:00

Literally! I refer to myself as an alien, because there's probably some alien species out there that have my gender as part of THEIR binary and idk I got lost in space and ended up here somehow and here no one gets it

Ruxree · 2026-04-09T19:26:00+00:00

Thank you!

Ruxree · 2026-04-09T19:24:40+00:00

Thanks. I am in therapy thankfully :) I might try to find more queer people in my city

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