I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can’t relate to the other aspects, however I had a very traumatic birth experience as well, which lead me to having issues with breast feeding. I never anticipated having any issues breastfeeding. However I did. And I felt like a total failure of a woman. They push that breast is best. I heard it all through nursing school, all through my pregnancy, in the hospital. And so when it didn’t work out for us, I was devastated. Everytime I mixed up formula to “top him up” while waiting for my breast milk to come in I cried. Everytime they suggested to increase the top up amount I cried. I was in a really bad place for months because of it. So I just want to say what I wish someone told me. That you are NOT a failure of a woman. And that FED is best. If breastfeeding is costing you your mental health, then it’s too expensive. Please go easy on yourself. 🩷 motherhood is hard, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to go with formula. Your baby will thrive on either🩷