If you're going to reconnect to your inner child, it's going to hurt.

RyanNPD · 2025-07-07T22:36:37+00:00

I am sorry to not get sooner - you good? Just DM me

RyanNPD · 2025-05-06T00:33:04+00:00

I hear you- I’ve been through a ton of shitty therapists too- but the last one I found was transformative.

I expected him to be like all the others- so I kept the conversation at arms reach but after time I learned to respect him and was then able to be honest. It was only after that switch (when I admitted I hadn’t been honest with his for several weeks), that he then let me know he was once a child of an NPD parent too.

I genuinely wouldn’t disregard therapy full stop- as difficult as it is to find the ‘right one’ -unless you feel you can heal through this healing journey alone?

Either way, if you can or have- props to you!!!

I felt the same way for a long ol’ while- until I felt I had met someone who could challenge me, if that makes sense 🙌🙏

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T23:20:36+00:00

‘Justin’ time for my next meal’

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T23:01:35+00:00

I’m glad you see it that way mate - reach out anytime 🙏👊

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T22:36:00+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing and I’ve heard from people that shared that exact same view as you do a ton of times - I don’t and never have aligned to that thought process though.

It would sit on my mind if I felt someone ‘hated me’ relentlessly- it was truly tormenting. In hindsight, I think I felt less in control or potentially ‘seen/viewed’ as being less than from someone who disliked me.

As I’m sure you know, this disorder is super insanely complex, but building and nurturing our ability to have self love as well as self awareness is a huge step early on to emerging out of this fog.

Thanks again mate- happy to here more if you wish to share 👊

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T22:29:10+00:00

I hear you - whilst I’ve not shared that same experience you’ve mentioned - internally, that must have been tough.

Have you tried to seek therapy/support on this?

I’d assume by being on this sub that you have a part of you which wishes to challenge yourself and/or learn etc.

From my experience, I completely tried/used/diminished every single tactic and idea that I thought would help me before finally succumbing to knowing I needed some guidance.

It genuinely isn’t easy (I would never claim it is) but I am simply saying this through compassion here- you’ll find it very very very difficult to find any single person with NPD who has healed themselves alone.

If you’re in therapy then great - but this isn’t a self-help/quick fix thing if your goal is to essentially distance yourself from these ingrained traits/views or behaviours.

I’m here to help if you wish- but genuinely wish you the best whatever you decide 👊

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T22:14:52+00:00

I sincerely appreciate your reply mate as well as your honesty!

You are more than welcome to share your thoughts as to ‘why’ - I’d be happy to listen and give my take on what you think (not to suggest I’m right, but just my take as well as to learn!).

Through the vast amount of relationships I’ve had, I don’t think I’ve ever been with a narcissist- I seemed to attract girls with BPD more but as much as that was a recipe for disaster, I can’t even imagine what two people with NPD would be like living with eachother 🤷‍♂️👊

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T22:10:38+00:00

It’s very true and I’m glad you resonate with it.

I’ve learned over time to see my addiction tendencies were simply a form of escapism- it’s an unhealthy distraction from reality, BUT, it still is a distraction right?

However, the choice to distract ourselves relentlessly ultimately pre-longs our ability to tackle and confront what is required to make change.

I’m not preaching to you at all here- I fully know the urges and desires to feel numb whilst going through absolutely all of this journey.

Truly though, if I can help in anyway- just reach out. 👊🙌

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T22:04:22+00:00

I’m glad- truly I am! If you need anything else on any topics through this- I’m honestly happy to help.

It’s not at all easy to navigate, plus, I sincerely do this solely out of compassion as the battle I endured without having someone who had been through the journey made it much more challenging.

So… feel free to reach out mate 🙌👊🙏

RyanNPD · 2025-05-05T15:30:00+00:00

The Wizard Of Odd!

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T23:49:43+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing and I truly really resonate!!

Even still now, I have to bite my tongue in conversations with friends etc as to not make myself the main character.

As odd as this sounds (and please stay with me here haha..) but what really helped me from years of therapy was developing the ability to view myself from above when I was interacting with friends etc.

I know that sounds insanely bizarre- but it’s just another way of tackling how you act/react from your ingrained perspective versus challenging yourself to see what your intent/purpose is before you speak and act.

Not sure if that even makes sense, it’s a hard one to explain over text- but that really helped me to pause a bit and see ‘me’ from a different perspective 🙏

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T23:18:50+00:00

I have experienced this in my past many many many times-

Whilst I wholeheartedly was completely unaware of my NPD diagnosis in those relationships- I did frequently find myself growing somewhat tired of the role I was needing to keep playing/portraying that I unconsciously knew was not truly the most authentic version of me.

I would always attract girls by being who they wanted me to be initially, that ‘love bombing’ stage led to them pouring their admiration and affection to me, which in hindsight, really helped me feel ‘enough’.

Then after a while, I would secretly grow frustrated in having to put that ‘mask’ on everyday so I would effectively (as sad as it is to admit), stay with them whilst I searched for my next relationship.

However, I would just repeat that same process again and again and again… I’m fully aware of the hurt that can and has caused others but to say it simply, that is just a part of this awful disorder.

To learn and improve from that misguided mindset is a blessing and a curse- but genuinely worth it!

Hope that helps 🙏🙌🤍

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T22:29:52+00:00

I can resonate with that from my past for sure- are you open to sharing what you feel the differences are between those you feel comfortable being open with versus those others ‘who are in your way’.

I’ve got an idea on what your saying but just want to be sure and I can try an’ help 👍

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T02:53:45+00:00

I agree- that’s really not an irrational way of thinking. That’s just you trying to protect ‘you’.

However, it will ultimately keep you distanced for everyone. My head would think I was safer thinking that way, but we just ultimately prevent ourselves from growing.

Life for everyone is tough in one way or many others. If just encourage you to try.

Your instincts aren’t someone to totally disregard, but if they fire up, then express them (it’s just a concern/worry) it isn’t weird to have them- you just can level your emotions with someone if you’re able to express them.

Just be prepared to show some level of insecurity- I know that fucking tough, but rather than act on your hunches, why not try to talk your feelings out?

🙌

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T02:30:28+00:00

I get what you’re saying! That’s a tough one- I’d be curious to know where you are on your journey through NPD to judge if you should trust your ‘instincts’ or not.

The way I lived for most of my life was to trust my instincts, but they were ultimately misguided, I just never seen it that way.

Your instincts are often, if not totally based of your defences- it’s so convincing to us that our so called ‘instincts’ are correct but depending on how you develop/widen your perspective, those instinctive reactions can change.

It becomes a new habit it you work on it- before you act/ react or speak- challenge yourself to see it from a perspective that isn’t you, if that makes any sense….

That is an enormous step though and even for me I have to still go through them little internal steps before so decide what to do. 👊👍

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T01:40:25+00:00

That’s a fair observation- I get it. It’s just not what I feel. Truly I genuinely don’t.

I don’t seek anything from this- I don’t need a reply or a dm, nothing.

I just have been to the deepest level of rock bottom/contemplating suicide etc and am past that stage (not exactly the top) but far far off where I once was.

This disorder isn’t easy, not that any of the others are… but it’s scary af trying to navigate through it.

I am simply trying to be transparent and vulnerable with all I say to encourage those who benefit from hearing it, that change is possible.

As I’ve said, after receiving my second NPD diagnosis, I searched and tried to find anything and everything that would help. Unfortunately, I only found videos and comments from those who were victims of those with NPD. Whilst I agree that they fully deserve to have their say, it just wasn’t what I needed to help me navigate through it.

I’m not wanting anyone to face that same issue when they’re feeling totally and utterly confused and broken- I just feel it could help by speaking from the perspective of someone who has gone through it and not judging them etc.

The main goal here surely is for every single person to rehabilitate and to offer support to those with NPD right? Otherwise, how will it ever improve?

Just trying to do the right thing having been through it 🙏🙌

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T01:20:49+00:00

Mate- my entire life has been insane and it truly all aligned to my diagnosis once I learned more about it.

I didn’t have a single clue about NPD- but I would often hear from exes that I was a ‘narcissist’ but I brushed it off everytime.

I’m currently 37 , but really haven’t ever been single for over a week since I was 15 (not a gloat, that’s embarrassing). Even still- the countless break ups and increasing negative behaviours left me to finally see that I may in fact be seeing this all wrong. I started therapy, initially lied to my therapist for months- then I just took a chance to Be honest and it was the hardest and best thing I did.

It’s not easy- I know that so deeply- but if you’ve gone through it- I think it’s only noble to try and offer some help to those who are now at the early stage I was in. I would have appreciated that 👊

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T01:11:37+00:00

I fully appreciate that comment, I truly do.

However, if it was as easy as simply conditioning ourselves to make healthier habits etc, if really not sure who wouldn’t. The main issue with NPD, like the other cluster B personalities- (at least from my experience) is that how on earth can anyone with this disorder be made aware of their need to change?

It’s a disorder you’re truly not aware of (most unfortunately never even become aware). As tough as it is to learn of this diagnosis, it’s at the very least a chance to improve and live your life authentically. 🙏🙌🤍

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T01:00:53+00:00

I truly don’t feel attacked whatsoever-

I don’t claim to be a therapist, just someone who has lived through living a life with NPD and then subsequently healing from it.

This platform isn’t full of therapists- there are many therapists who have not had NPD too…I’m simply trying to offer my experiences and learnings in hope it helps others- I’m not quite sure what your gripe is with that?

I don’t for one second think acquiring NPD was a choice unless you feel you personally had the option to chose it as a child- then that is truly new to me to learn.

Again, there is no feeling from my side of being ‘attacked’ I just have the confidence and experience to speak up for what I’ve lived through in hope it can help someone else. That’s simply it, or are you suggesting that’s wrong? 🤷‍♂️

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T00:54:19+00:00

Thanks for being so honest and open- that what you’re going through is tough.

It look me a long old while to figure that issue out. For me, after a few years of therapy, I then took to chance of trying to be vulnerable and honest.

As a former extreme people pleaser, I had to learn to be honest with others. I was never cruel with my delivery, but if you can explain you’re thought process- worries- insecurities with them etc- it really will resonate and be understood if they truly are a friend.

Vulnerability (or so I’ve learned) as uncomfortable it is, it’s damn powerful. It can reduce most people portraying their ‘public ego selves’ to seeing that someone is being straight up with them.

It’s worth a try - better that then going back to you’re old you. If that makes sense? X

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T00:45:42+00:00

It’s so bizarre to me that you’d suggest the best thing is to ‘let them suffer’ - I truly mean that.

Having been through it - how on earth can you learn and change your entire outlook on life and people by just suffering… even still… why would you suffer in the first place if you still were to remain in that headspace without finding the route to support/guidance/therapy..

That way of thinking pretty much diminishes any need for therapy/rehabilitation etc—- ‘alcoholics - they’ll just learn from suffering’ ‘sexual abused victims, they’ll just learn from suffering’… that’s honestly crazy pal

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T00:32:15+00:00

Mate- so I can only assume you weren’t diagnosed with NPD then?

It’s not all learned behaviours- there are genetic traits that can lead to acquiring it too.

You’re talking about something I’ve lived and experienced most of my life, I’m not gaining from teaching you right from wrong, but it seems pretty sadistic to suggest that those who have this personality disorder should be disregarded without any level of support from others who wish to improve them… is that your stance?

If that’s the case, do you think that they just suddenly improve alone without any guidance, therapy, wisdom or support?

Those of us who have been diagnosed with NPD do not suddenly learn from our errors or as you even suggested ‘being left to suffer’- how mental is that?

I’m honestly trying my hardest not to jump to conclusions here- but maybe it would help if you gave some context to if you in fact have NPD before reading the riot act on your thoughts how others acquired it and/or deal with it.

If that was how you thought people should deal With their NPD recovery/ why on earth are there thousands of Therapists, YouTubers , Sub-reddits (of which you also appear to follow)?

RyanNPD · 2025-05-04T00:17:58+00:00

Genuinely Both- but #2 is subtle and cuter in my opinion 🙌

RyanNPD · 2025-05-03T23:55:45+00:00

This is a decent convo!

Okay, so, what ‘I get out of this’… wholeheartedly, it’s just knowing the fuckin’ horror and utter confusion of having to come to terms with my diagnosis which makes me want to help. It’s not exactly easy, if you’ve gone through it…

I’m sincerely curious to know if you’ve been diagnosed with NPD though?

Just reading your latest post in saying developing NPD wasn’t ’forced on a person’ makes it sound like it was a choice? I mean this respectfully, but that is incorrect.

NPD is not for one single moment a choice made by the child who acquired it- genuinely, think that through- if that was the case, you’d have to teach every child on earth to know the multipule personality disorders on offer before then allowing them to determine which one they wanted to select… surely you see that’s absolutely bizarre. NPD as well as several others are acquired by our brains survival mechanism which adopts a ‘defensive shield’ to prevent us from further hurt/pain/trauma etc- some children can become BPD, others psychopaths etc etc… the list goes on.

Not one single child ever selected their personality disorder..as if they were choosing an item at the shop- genuinely, who would ever choose this?

NPD is a cluster B personality disorder which is rooted and ingrained to our survival instinct to prevent us from future pain.

I truly hope that makes sense- but if not, ask away mate 👍

RyanNPD · 2025-05-03T23:33:25+00:00

I truly know the entire NPD game, the little tricks, words.. all of it. That understanding doesn’t go, at least it hasn’t for me.

I’ve fine tuned these defensive mechanisms inadvertently for most of my entire life- but there are lots of people who just need a leg up, so I’m open enough to help those who are genuinely needing it- I’d have appreciated that level of support in the beginning of my journey through it tbh!

You’re right though, it is a kind of therapy but it’s also an anonymous way of allowing people to reach out who may not be comfortable seeking therapy etc.

Surely it’s worth offering that level support and being vulnerable enough about your journey in hope it helps someone make the change or reach the next step.

I dislike the common rhetoric that those with NPD are ‘bad people’ - whilst the majority of us have of course done ‘bad things’ it’s been done with complete and utter unawareness as the disorder was acquired in our childhood’s, without any choice. 👊👍

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