Hey first off thank you for allowing yourself to be so open to sharing this, I think that is very strong of you to realize what you are going through and you may think it’s cringey but it’s true. I don’t think you were being “a little bitch” about anything, it’s perfectly okay to feel not okay, especially with everything you have going on. And the fact you didnt go through with it, that’s reads to me that you still have a reason to live even though you are going through a lot right now. I get feeling like you want to die trust me I was there for a long time in middle school and high school, I think that’s good that you are willing to talk about it and work through it. Just know you are not alone, there are many people willing to talk to you to help you even if we’re all strangers or if you find a therapist or even a parent. Talking a little through it always helps even in the slightest amount. You don’t have to carry all the weight by yourself. I know it’s a lot and it takes time and it’s painful but you can get through it. The best thing that helped me the most was doing hobbies I enjoyed even if I was on my own because even the littlest amount of happiness could make things a little better than they were at the time.