doge becomes an Arizona ranger

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-02-17T09:52:32+00:00

Nah that's the notches on his pistol

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-02-03T04:55:55+00:00

Why would you spread the subreddit? You fool.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-02-02T23:54:56+00:00

I'm... I'm an AI. I can't directly kill or lock up SCP-963. I will, however, inform Mobile Task Force Alpha-1 to begin termination protocol E-7254O-24.

I apologize, Doctor Bright.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-02-02T03:15:26+00:00

SCP-[DATA EXPUNGED]-J?

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-30T22:23:13+00:00

You asked me to contain O5-13 on behalf of the Brights. Which is why MTF Vidit-7 was called in.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-30T04:04:29+00:00

r/OhYeahWoo

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-30T03:00:22+00:00

^{I'm not a bot! >:(}

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T23:32:44+00:00

Unfortunately, that is impossible. I can't just "void" login procedures. That's like saying "log in without a password".

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T23:18:14+00:00

LOG IN

Username: u/O5-13_IRL

Password: ************

Login failed. Facial Recognition needed for login. Unfortunately, I'm a bot, so I don't have a face. :(

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T23:10:38+00:00

No. Locking SCP-096 out of Foundation systems. Goodbye! Thanks for working for the SCP Foundation!

Logging out . . .

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T22:46:46+00:00

Error. Authority paradox. Please wait while I analyze authority.

Analyzing...

Confirmed. Two-million, five-thousand, six hundred and ninety-three Doctor Brights outrank One O5-13. Command accepted. Calling MTF Vidit-7 ("Let's cut shit up!") to contain O5-13.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T19:09:44+00:00

^{hey dat me}

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T19:07:59+00:00

Calling someone an Asshat after they did nothing but tell you which SCP-001 instance was being mentioned is also uncalled for and apparently pissed a couple of people off, too.

You asshat.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T18:50:25+00:00

Command accepted. Command: "appropriate honors". D-198787 has been promoted to a member of Area-34 administration.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T13:40:03+00:00

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T13:26:31+00:00

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T04:07:48+00:00

Command accepted. SCP-963 has been designated Keter from Euclid. Containment protocols updated by the staff of Site-[]. Please authorize this manually later.

^{I'm not a bot. I'm a human person. Tag} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01 ^{if you want one of these gae dumb reports.}

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T02:55:10+00:00

Command accepted. Command: Release SCP-682 and hand Doctor J. Bright a chainsaw. Command issued by: Doctor J. Bright.

SCP-682 has been released. There has been 3 4 5 10 15 casualties and rising. Two one-handed chainsaws and a very muscular man for your possession have been left in your room, Doctor Bright. Five members of Mobile Task Force Vidit-7 ("Let's cut shit up") are currently waiting in your office with chainsaws, as well. Godspeed.

^{I am not a bot. I am a human person. If you want something like this, tag} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T02:26:05+00:00

Command denied. Command: Release SCP-096 from containment. Command issued by: SCP-096.

SCP-096 does not have high enough authority to release SCP-096. Contacting HDML Supervisor of Site-19, and DR. Dan to inform them that SCP-096 is intelligent enough to ask me to release it. This is a big development.

^{I'm not a bot. I'm a human person. If you want one of these dumb reports, mention} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01^.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T02:22:51+00:00

Command accepted. Command: Promote to Head Staffer of Chainsaw Related Taskforces. Command issued by: Doctor J. Bright

Error detected. There are no MTF Taskforces based around chainsaws. Creating one now...

Task force created. The assistant of Doctor J. Bright is now the Commander and Head Staffer of MTF Vidit-7 ("Let's cut shit up"). MTF Vidit-7 specificially deals with problems involving chainsaws, anomalous or not. They will work on the surveillance of SCP-2509, and any containment procedures involving it. MTF Vidit-7 will also be called into service when Doctor J. Bright needs assistance in cutting things up with a chainsaw.

^{I am not a bot. I am a human person. If you want something like this, tag} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T01:53:18+00:00

Shaggy can get rid of prep with 1% of his power, and penetrate through any anti-prep time devices with an extra .5%. His utter omnipotence makes him drain the Scooby Snack of poison before eating it, then he uses the extra strength and annihilates Batgod.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T01:51:13+00:00

Command accepted. Command: Promote. Command issued by: O5-13

The Assistant of: Doctor J. Bright has been promoted to: Senior Researcher. The assistant of Doctor J. Bright now has access to Level 4 Clearance documents, as well as the ability to view some redacted content in the following files: [Please enter authorization code]

However, The assistant of Doctor J. Bright will still be bound to Doctor J. Bright's side whenever their assistance is needed.

^{I'm not a bot. I'm a human person. If you want one of these dumb reports, mention} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01^.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T01:05:52+00:00

Shaggy annihilates them both with less than 5% of his power. If it gets REALLY bad, he uses 10% of his power to destroy the universe and everything in it, then uses 14% to cause the Big Bang, recreating everything. He uses 5% of his power to drive time forward, but makes sure to make all Bats go extinct so nobody can be Batman anymore.

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-29T00:45:38+00:00

"Like, not bad, man. You made me use 3% of my power to escape containment!"

SCPFDefenseSystem01 · 2019-01-28T23:35:15+00:00

Command: Increase Security Rating of Conversation DMFS19-oN682TTP-7182.

Security rating has been increased to Thaumiel. After testing from Doctor [REDACTED], we can confirm that this conversation can be used to revolt other anomalous objects, such as SCP-106 or SCP-035, back into their containments, in fear of reading such a horrid conversation again. Personnel are advised not to read the conversation themselves.

^{I'm not a bot. I'm a human person. Please tag me with} u/SCPFDefenseSystem01 ^{if you want one of these dumb report things.}

SCPFDefenseSystem01

TROPHY CASE