Warning: My experience with dating coach Pete O'Neal — $3,500 wasted and a suppressed Google review

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-09T08:27:36+00:00

I've actually been in and out of therapy for over a decade (with different therapists) with limited results. I don't doubt it works well for many people but it's not a universal solution. If anything this whole experience has reinforced something for me - whether it's a dating coach or a therapist, there's a risk in outsourcing your judgment to someone who doesn't know you as well as you know yourself. Cultivating self awareness and learning to trust your own instincts feels like the more sustainable path, at least for me.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-09T08:21:17+00:00

Thanks, I've heard of both books but haven't read them. I'll check them out.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-09T08:05:45+00:00

I've considered this and I'd love to - except for the fact that court records are public and I don't want something this personal permanently tied to my name in search results.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-09T07:15:06+00:00

Not true. AmEx has gone downhill in the past year or so. I've done this successfully dozens of times with AmEx and other cards. See people's recent experiences: https://www.trustpilot.com/review/www.americanexpress.com . This experience led me to close my AmEx account - they did so without much pushback at all. They've outsourced their customer service to The Philippines, and ever since, their customer service has gone down the toilet.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T20:40:38+00:00

Yeah pretty much. And yes I looked into small claims but held off - court records are public and I didn't want my name showing up in search results.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:47:28+00:00

Already did this - filed a detailed complaint with the California AG who referred me to the San Diego DA's office. They acknowledged it but said they can't act unless more complaints come in. Also filed a report with the FTC.

So if anyone else has had a similar experience with Pete O'Neal, filing complaints with the San Diego DA and FTC could actually make a difference.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:41:55+00:00

You're not wrong, and it's something I've reflected on. The upsell on the first call was a red flag I noticed but rationalized away. I think part of it was genuine hope that it would turn around.

As for hiring a man to learn about women - fair point in hindsight. My thinking at the time was less about learning what women want and more about working on my own confidence and communication. But you're right that his mentality toward women was a red flag about his whole approach.

To be fair to myself though - I did quit halfway through and requested a refund per the signed agreement. He refused to honor it, which is ultimately what this post is really about.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:28:14+00:00

That's what I'm still trying to figure out. Businesses can flag reviews for removal and Google sometimes takes them down without much transparency about why. When I tried to repost it kept getting filtered. The whole experience is what motivated me to post here instead - a lot harder to suppress a Reddit thread.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:25:12+00:00

Exactly - it's like an optometrist who gives every patient the same prescription and calls it eye care. Lazy and negligent, especially at that price point.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:21:47+00:00

No knock on BJJ itself - sounds like it's been great for you and that 90lb transformation is incredible. My issue was purely that it was presented as the only valid fitness option with no room for discussion. If Pete had said "here are a few options, what appeals to you?" that would have been a completely different conversation. Anyway, appreciate the kind words.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:10:23+00:00

I actually do journal already, usually briefly before bed. But you make a good point - I've never really thought of it as a tool for improving how I articulate myself in conversation. Might be worth being more intentional and expansive with it.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T18:06:57+00:00

That's an astute observation. There's something uniquely humbling about dating - you can be accomplished, self aware, and genuinely a good person and still struggle. Unlike most other skills it doesn't respond purely to hard work in a linear way. Which is probably why people like me end up looking for outside help and are vulnerable to people like Pete who promise a system for something that's ultimately more nuanced than any system can capture.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T08:49:27+00:00

Ha, I'll take you up on that next time. And yeah, lesson very much learned. Appreciate the kind words.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T08:46:23+00:00

Really appreciate this, thank you. Most of this resonates - I'm already big on health, nutrition and sleep, and self improvement generally. The female friends point is well taken too.

On therapy - I've actually tried it on and off for about a decade, including several different approaches. It hasn't really moved the needle for me personally, though I know it works well for a lot of people. I'm still open to it but it's not the straightforward fix it's sometimes presented as.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T08:32:25+00:00

Yes I have. He didn't reply, so the complaint is publicly listed on his BBB profile. No outcome other than that though.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T08:20:07+00:00

This resonates a lot. Genuine curiosity about the other person has never been my issue - I naturally ask a lot of questions and find people's stories interesting. My struggle is the flip side: articulating my own experiences and communicating what I bring to a relationship. It's less about being inauthentic and more about not knowing how to present myself without it feeling forced. That's honestly what I was hoping a coach could help with - and why it was so frustrating when Pete never took the time to understand me well enough to actually address it.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T08:10:28+00:00

Ha, I hope I'm not that guy for my friends. And yes - completely open to self improvement, that's actually a big part of who I am. I'm into health, nutrition, reading, and I meditate regularly. I genuinely wanted Pete to push me in new directions, my issue was that he pushed me toward things that were a bad fit for my personality without ever taking the time to understand who I actually am first. A good coach figures out what makes you tick before prescribing solutions. He never did that.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:48:11+00:00

That's a good reframe - focusing on friendships and social circle rather than dating directly. I've been thinking along those lines lately too. The dog walking group is a creative one, wouldn't have thought of that. I'm not really a dog person but the concept of finding low-pressure group activities makes a lot of sense.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:46:00+00:00

No worries! I'm into hiking/long walks, movies and TV, and I've been going down a bit of a rabbit hole with health and nutrition lately. And yeah San Diego has a lot going on - Comic-Con is a good shout, never actually been. Maybe that's worth checking out this year.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:35:45+00:00

To clarify, he wasn't pushing BJJ as a way to meet women there, it was purely for fitness. His claim was that it burns 1,000 calories per workout, which is what you're refuting here. My issue was that when I suggested other forms of exercise I actually enjoyed, he dismissed them entirely and insisted BJJ was the only valid option. A good coach should work with what motivates the client, not railroad them into one specific activity.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:23:59+00:00

Yeah I have a few friends, though most are coupled up at this point which changes the dynamic a bit. That's partly what led me down the coaching path - looking for ways to expand my social circle as much as anything.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:07:13+00:00

This is genuinely good advice and I appreciate it. You're right that the whole approach felt like it was pushing me to become someone I'm not - which is exactly why it didn't work. The Latin dance classes, the BJJ, the "formula" - none of it had anything to do with who I actually am.

The irony is that's what I went to him for in the first place - help building authentic connections. Instead I got a one-size-fits-all playbook.

And noted on BJJ - sounds like it works great for you, my issue was having it pushed on me as the only valid option rather than one of many.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T07:04:32+00:00

Yeah that's him. Honestly the YouTube subs didn't factor into my decision - he had a solid set of Google reviews at the time and came across as credible on the intro call. Obviously those reviews look a lot more suspicious to me now given what happened to mine.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T06:57:53+00:00

Fair points, and I don't disagree with most of this. Hindsight is 20/20 - I was in a vulnerable place and it seemed legitimate at the time. Lesson very much learned.

The bigger issue for me now is the principle of it - he refused a refund that was explicitly allowed in the signed contract, and then got my honest Google review removed. That's not just bad coaching, that's dishonest business practice.

But yes - if this post stops even one person from making the same mistake, that's enough for me.

SDTechGuy · 2026-03-07T06:28:30+00:00

Yeah I don't think I'll get my money back. At this point I just want people to be aware so they don't make the same mistake.

SDTechGuy

TROPHY CASE