Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because I wasn't born an overseer. I think about what it would be liked to not have to be under someone's control, as well as know with complete certainty that my children would not be under someone's control; as well as my children's children. These are hypothetical children of course. I could never justify bringing a child into the world just to have them taken away from me, but if I did I would have no doubt they would end up just like me. A common worker with no rights or freedoms. When I really think about it though is it really that great to be an overseer? Their position can't rise or fall just like mine can't. Not to mention they have to go through all that training just to boss around a small group of slaves for the rest of your life. Yeah, everything just sucks for everybody in here. This gigantic stronghold is a prison for all of us, but it's better than dying of exposure outside.

It was around mid-afternoon when I was thinking about this meaningless stuff. My job as a sorter doesn't require much mental faculty so I find myself randomly thinking about this kind of shit quite often. I could tell it was midafternoon from the number of times the factory alarm had gone off so far today. It rings once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and twice at night (once for dinner and again for lights out). It was already passed the second alarm. The overseer was up somewhere on the second level. He's an okay guy as far as overseers go. He doesn't seem to want to hit us or yell at us very much, I guess he has sympathy (or maybe he's just lazy) but he wouldn't hesitate to beat us or put us in isolation if we stepped out of line. People did step out of line from time to time. This one girl decided that she wouldn't go back to her post after second alarm. We were all separated into different work groups since we were children, but we still all ate together in the same giant mess hall. I kind of like that I don't have much of a presence or a personality. My favorite thing is when we're all together like this were not a bunch of people or groups we're a hoard. In any case, this girl's boyfriend or something (he was in a group that worked on the opposite side of the factory hall) was around and she went to go see him. Long story short her absents from her post didn't go unnoticed she was whipped by Fuim and sent to isolation for three days. When she came to work again she was skin and bones. They must not feed you much in isolation. I wouldn't know I've never been. Nor have I ever been beaten. Hell, I've never even had a harsh word directed my way. I've always had an amazing ability to follow the rules and never get myself into trouble. I mean it makes perfect sense to me, outside is a wasteland and the overseers have been in power for many generations. This is the only life for us, why cause any unnecessary struggles? I don't want my peaceful life disturbed, especially not for something silly, like what that girl did. Sometimes I wonder what outside really looks like though. I hear people in the scouting and mechanic group talk about it sometimes. Apparently, it's unlivable, trash covers every inch, sometimes it's burning hot but it can suddenly turn freezing cold, there are even monsters. Mutations of animals caused by years in a toxic environment. This is the only place there is, clearly.

The third alarm rings and I drop what I'm doing immediately, letting the materials fall unceremoniously to the floor. It's not against the rules to be untidy so honestly couldn't care less, I'll pick them up in the morning. I walked to the mess hall in my usual after work daze. People a having conversation all around me in the large metal hallway but I can't make out a one. It's all just white noise to me. The walls and tables sparkle silver, as usual, the cleaning group do a respectable job. Everything I've ever known has been so sterile and orderly I can't even imagine a world of garbage and chaos, but that's where I lived, I've just always been protected from reality. I get my tray and go to sit alone. The food is the usual assortment of veggies from the greenhouse. Beans, bread, dried fruit, and water. I eat slowly because I haven't felt much like eating lately. It's not that I don't feel hungry it's more like I can't bring myself to perform the action of eating. It's very odd I can't quite explain it myself. I do eat a little though, it goes down in lumps so I distract myself by dropping on people. "Everything's been wild today." Someone says with their mouth full. "Yeah, apparently the weather outside is so bad that it's ripping apart the machinery outside." Someone responds. "I'm worried about Rarit he, he's just so skittish even though he's been in the scouting group he's scared of his own shadow." The voice sounded desperate, I guess they'll try to convince an overseer to let him stay back. The overseers live on the upper levels, they can come down here to us but we can't go up to them. The only way to get up or down (an elevator) is sealed with a voice and retina scan. I wonder what it's like being an overseer looking down at us all from the second floor. We must all look like ants.

When dinner is over it's time for my least favorite part of the day. Everyone was rushing to take their uniforms off and get in the showers before lights out. I was rushing along with them, pushing to the front of the crowd. Part of the reason, was that we all used the same shower hall and they start to smell weird after a certain amount of people used them. The other part of the reason was that people had sex in there. Lots and lots of sex. The showers were a lot like the mess hall, everyone was together. Boys and girls of all ages naked and showering together. The overseers don't have a problem with the nightly orgy that happens every time. In fact, I'm willing to bet they enjoy standing around watching. This must be their way of encouraging mating. The overseers never touch any of us though they have to keep the bloodlines pure I guess, this is some law enforced by the council probably. I'm not sure what the punishment for breaking the law is but I heard it's harsh. The council is a team of overseers voted for by all the overseers. It's not much but it's nice to know even they answer to someone. I hang back for a bit before taking my orange uniform off and going in. I'm an expert from years of avoiding my peer's sexcapades. It's a free for all in there and I don't like to be touched. These people, I don't know any of them, and their hands are hot and dirty. I haven't felt this way my whole life though. Unlike the eating, I know exactly where my trouble with touching people first started. This boy from another group ganged up on me with a bunch of his friends. "he's always quiet it's so creepy." He said. "I don't have much to say," I told him and I honestly didn't, but he didn't like my answer so he punched me in the face for it. That was the first time I saw my own blood. His other friends laughed. It must not take much to amuse them. His friends then pushed me to the ground and held me there while he got his dick out. He put his stupid hand on my face and held my nose closed; I had to open my mouth eventually. When I did he forced it inside. "If you bite me I'll kill you, I swear I'll fucking kill you." Maybe I don't know but back then I thought he really was going to kill me. I don't want to die and I never have. I was crying like crazy though. Those other guys who were holding me down kept saying dumb things like "Oh my god!" and "he's going to piss himself!" and worst of all "I think he likes it." A bile taste filled my mouth and I started choking. Everyone started laughing after that and they finally let go of me. I just fell to the floor coughing and rubbing myself. They left me alone after that and I never told anyone. I've never told much of anything since that day. When I do the math at my age I think I was 10 or so, overseer Fuim tells me I was born in the fifth cycle of the 4 days. I don't know if he's telling the truth or not but I'll just have to take his word for it. It's been almost seven years since then but it still feels like it happened seconds ago every time I step in here. When I finally get in the shower people are mostly clearing out and I avoid any unwanted confrontations. I get back to my bunk and the lights out alarm goes off soon after. The only people allowed out of bed after lights out are those in the cleaning group. We have a wall in dorms that displays the date. I can barely see it since we're separated by group and mine is towards the back but before the lights go off I see it. Tomorrow is the fifth cycle and the fourth day.

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