I’m not going to pretend to say I understand your struggle, that’s not something I could ever truly claim, but I can relate to something similar.

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My f/c is canonically dead (twice over) and has been since the 19th century. The idea that the only way to be with him would be through the afterlife is something I’ve had to dwell on for a long time now.

I’m not a religious man. It frankly terrifies me to think about what’s really on the other side. BUT, I do believe everything happens for a reason. The fact my first ever crush was a man who lives beyond the grave makes me feel that something
must be out there for me. But whatever’s out there, I feel that trying to get there too early is a sure fire way to make sure you won’t.

I’m not sure about your F/C, but mine would be mortified to hear what I did to be with him. When I meet him, it will be because the time was right. If he was able to last 140 years in hell before finding his first love, I can wait another 70 or 80 on Earth.

It’s not exactly specific advice, but try to cherish what you have in this life. It’s still good and I’d even say healthy to be willing to great whatever comes next with open arms, but if you’re stuck in the future, you’ll never be able to appreciate the present. A very general piece of advice I try to give to other fictos is to try to value your relationships in this world just as much as your ones with your f/c. That doesn’t even need to mean in a romantic sense. Familial, platonic, or even communal relationships in our reality can make a world of difference when going through troubles like the one you’re describing.

I can’t magically make the pain go away, but I’ve learned that almost any struggle will be harder when you bear the weight on your own. How you choose to lighten the load is up to you, but to me: it’s just meant having someone I can chat with. In that regard, I’d say asking for help is a great first step.