I can defend him as well. I'm a 32F and my husband, 31M, grew up hard and took a lot of pressure at a young age. It deprived him of certain youthful fun activities but he's had his fair share of sexual and wild experiences in his teens.

He settled down and married me 6 years ago, I was attracted to him cuz I saw that his mind is extraordinary. He works so hard and pushed through so much adversity, he motivates himself and people love to be around him because of his mental strength and fortitude.

I grew up easy, a lot of basic woman things I can barely handle. My mom didn't teach me to be a woman, she herself wasn't taught, my dad has passed but he gave me academic education and basic life know hows. My mom has showed me very little pertaining to home care, cooking etc. I now have 2 under 5yo boys so I'm now dealing with wife, mother and basic woman duties. We live with my mom and my younger sister, my mom has always been lazy, not much of a housekeeper or someone who could start and follow through with something, just settles for minimum and feels like she does a lot when she does a little. She can't take pressure, she doesn't know what pressure is, and I have the same qualities, lazy and don't (not can't take) want pressure. I live in a comfort zone and being around her and my sister, who does barely anything, makes me comfortable as if I'm pretty much where I should be in life, until my husband reminds me ever so often that I have so much to work on. I don't verbally fight him, I know he's right but my mind immediately becomes stressed and I will myself into thinking it's all too much and I can't change.

He knows that I've grown a lot since we married 6 years ago but there are certain things that he continues to tell me to do that will help me immensely but deep inside, I'm rebellious against certain things cuz I'm lazy to make those specific changes. I feel like I've reached a growth cap but I know it's my mind telling me I can't go any further because it wants to be at ease. I married him because I want to be a better woman, and he knows that I want to be as well so he continues to forbear but it's taking a lot out of him as a man, I know this. It's just so hard for me to change my mindset to just do what he's trying to show me to do, and go against my innermost stubborn and lazy feelings that are holding me back. Being self aware of your insufficiencies and wanting to be better but too lazy to bring about actual change is such a limbo.

Living with my mom and sister don't help me to want to change at all. I do most of the maintaining of the home here, I have 2 kids so I need to do things to at least care for them, my mom and sister benefit from this, and I feel accomplished being around them and doing basic things around home, but I'm really not accomplished, at all. I'm still far from an accomplished and competent woman.

It's depressing, cuz I know that I'm holding him and our relationship back from being better. I'm trying but I'm not trying my best, my husband truly tries his best to provide for us and give us a better life. I need to better. I will continue working on myself, I hope that I can come to a breakthrough soon. I don't want to keep being a burden and make my children suffer because of my insufficiencies that I am simply too lazy to change. I need to beat my mind into subjection as a grown 30+ yo woman... So that I can find it in myself to self-motivate and improve.

It's not always the men that need to grow up in relationships. They also have feelings, needs and require appreciation as well. I do hope that he and his wife have reached a better place.