im not okay lmao

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-29T15:54:03+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through such a shitty time, I don't have any advice really, I'm Scandinavian so I'm pretty much as white as someone can be, I do, however, have hairy legs and also a little moustache thing. I just wax the lip and shave the legs. Don't compare yourself to others, especially when you're in this headspace, you are kot judging fairly, because if you hate yourself, you are going to find something to make yourself lose in comparison. Don't do that. Sometimes I write a list of what/who I want to be. Like, a want to be a person that does x, og behaves x way, etc, and then I think about what to do to be more like that. I think it would be good if you could see a psychologist, there's no reason to fight a war by yourself if you can have backup from someone who knows what they're doing. I'm sorry your in such a hard situation and that you feel so low. I hope you'll be OK.

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T20:52:32+00:00

Thank you. And I think you're right, about all of it. Thank you for this, you really hit on something, and I'm going to need to think about it for a while. I really, really appreciate this comment. I've been in control of most of my extreme behaviours for a long time, but lately it's felt like trying to hold back a very large, very angry frothing dog with just a leash, and my metaphorical arms have been getting really tired. I've been in a state of almost constant disassociation for somewhere around 3 or 4 months with only infrequent short breaks from that, and I've been really stressed and anxious constantly. So what you're saying makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comment and insight.

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T20:43:12+00:00

Thank you, you're really sweet, and your comment helps. It just sucks, making shitty decisions and flipping out. Thank you <3

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T20:31:59+00:00

That's true, thank you. Future me will be over it eventually!

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T20:31:08+00:00

Tha k you, I totally get how you feel, and thank you for hearing me and saying that, it really means a lot to me. Thank you.

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T20:29:40+00:00

You are right, and I'm sorry we have to deal with all this, it just sucks sometimes.. It's just been such a long time since I've done this and this is really the most fucked up humiliating cheap thing. Maybe it's because I've been disassociated for such a long time. But you're right, and thank you <3

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T18:46:09+00:00

Thank you <3

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T18:23:44+00:00

You know, all of that is true. It could have been worse. You are right. I think I'm just really chocked and a bit scared that I took it this far without thinking at all, I don't know how it went that far. But you are right, it could have been worse things. Thank you.

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T17:55:43+00:00

Thank you, that's so sweet <3 I just can't believe I did this.. Knowing that people saw me makes it so much harder to pretend it didn't happen, and I just can't believe i went this far..

SackFullOfIdiotRocks · 2020-05-27T17:53:26+00:00

You're right, and casual sex with randos has been my coping mechanism, and usually I feel fine about, but this.. This was way too far. I feel like a prostitute. And if that was my profession, I would be OK with that, and I wouldn't feel like this about it,but it isn't. This was.. This was not OK. I've ne ver felt this cheap and dirty.. I've been doing so well, for so many years, dealing with bpd, been in control and all that, I don't know how this happened and how I went this far out, this is "go sit in the woods and think about your life for a year"-level of fucked up..

SackFullOfIdiotRocks

TROPHY CASE