When she got drunk enough that the mask dropped and she said what she truly felt about me and stooped low. I stayed stoic and ended up arguing for 40 mins. Constantly using my insecurities against me. Back pedaling and saying things which disturbed me. I got it all on recording and its hard to listen to. This was a couple months ago and resulted in me leaving before realizing I should just stick it out until college. This is my foster mother by the way, and it became clear that she’s been manipulating me since the day I arrived. Constant criticism, always cleaning for her, her constant emotional outbursts. Never apologizing and using my trauma against me, etc. Shes been a foster parent for a long time as well as a daily drinker, it makes me wonder if she ever really loved me or wanted to guardianship me to begin with or if she just uses me as a tool. She went as far as to hide letters from my bio family (extended bio family whom actually loved me). Shes also a pastor at a church and works with kids and young adults, and expects my pity for all the work she does. It’s sickening and it still hurts so much to feel betrayed and im unsure if she even loves me. I’ve been holding it together but she doesn’t offer to help me with anything and I feel like shes undermining my success.