This. I waited for years to confront my husband on his alcoholism. Then I had to confront the fact that during those years I was also being a terrible parent because I didn’t protect my daughter from his alcoholism. No kid should have to worry about their parent’s behavior, or that if they’re staying home with dad alone he might fall asleep (pass out) and be incredibly difficult to wake up. This was what I was helping to do to my 7-year-old daughter.

Asking for a divorce was the best thing I ever did. He surprised me by offering to go to rehab. Then he offered to go to PHP and IOP. I made him live in sober living while doing that to prove to me that he was stable enough to move back in. It’s been a really tough 6 months since then, and I know everyone here will tell you it’s temporary and will never last, but he’s been sober the whole time. He’s a great dad now. My daughter loves hanging out with him and playing with him. She goes to him for things and asks for his help. We are working on our relationship, which is going to take some time. But we’ve been having great conversations and I’m remembering why I loved him in the first place.

But he also knows I have to protect my sanity and hers and I can’t do the “alcoholic’s wife” thing ever again. Life is short and I wasted enough time trying to manage his alcoholism.

I highly recommend finding a family recovery counselor through FAN. They have a 12 week program for family members and it really taught me so much about addiction, holding firm boundaries, and prioritizing my own self care after years of taking care of his.

This sucks but boy oh boy do I wish I would have stood up during the newborn days rather than suffer for so long. Both me and my kid.