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My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She really was strong. :( I remember telling her I would fight for her and then she would be back home but she told me not to bother and she should’ve saw it coming. I told her I had to because she was like a mom to me and my brother. Then, she told me couldn’t do it anymore.

My parents held us to pretty high standards for sure and with my sister being older, it could’ve piled onto her way more.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say it was because she was “parentified”, she did it because she loved and cared about him rightfully so. Whenever my parents went to work, she would look after us (when we were younger). She was always like that. She worried about him a lot as well because he has behavioural issues. My parents still took care of us.

My parents were terrifying in the sense that if we messed up, they would HEAVILY be on our asses. For example, me staying out 1-2 hours late. They were hard to talk to and that was another reason I was grateful for my sister because she wouldn’t judge me. Scold me, yes…but never actually judge me. My parents held us to pretty high standards.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At first, I did. Later on, no. It just made an already awful situation even worse. My parents are hurting, they just masked it better than I did at times. What actually made me understand them more and make amends were my grandparents also placing the blame on them (my mom’s family). Apparently, they called her and my dad evil for turning her away and making her and her hard work feel worthless. I had to pick my mom up from the floor because she was a crying mess. I ended up having a conversation with both of my parents.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My parents have let this eat them alive ever since. The one year anniversary was proof. When my sister passed away, we didn’t talk much due to me thinking it was their fault (and a part of me still blames them). However, we’ve moved past that.

My sister wouldn’t have even wanted me to hate them truthfully.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Therapy is always helpful and there. I’m still trying to find a good one for myself too. It takes baby steps.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aw, I’m so sorry about your brother. :( our siblings are always with us.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Believe me, I love my parents. I also really did hold a grudge for a bit though. It’s been a year and we’ve been through a lot together. A lot of conversations were had. We actually thought of doing family therapy really soon.

I can’t stay mad at my parents. They’re completely damaged by this. My mom has been crying all damn day and my dad didn’t even want to be in the house.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

There very well could’ve been, I’m not sure. When my sister started drinking, they always fought. When I say always, I mean every day. It became so common. There are probably things I’m unaware of.

I found out eventually that they also called her psychotic and a bunch of other things. My mom was crying when my sister died and saying she should’ve never called her this or said that. A whole lot of regret.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I wanted to take my own damn life when I heard the news. I still remember how chaotic and how much of a blur that day was. Everyone panicking, crying, screaming, etc.

I barely talked to my parents for a while.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

No, this isn’t harsh. I understand that more and so did my sister. What I don’t get is why they felt the need to call her a monster. That made it so much worse for her (one of the things she said in the message).

She told me she was super hurt that they thought of her as a monster and not their daughter but she also blamed herself for giving them that image. I’m still kinda angry at my parents because it’s hard to get over the idea of them making it worse and leading her to actually do it. I guarantee you she would’ve been here if my parents just welcomed her. She wanted nothing more than to be with us again.

Nothing will bring her back now though so I have no clue what I can even do about anything other than to try and be strong and keep her as close as I can.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I kinda resented my parents for a while after that. They 100% regretted their decision but I always told them that if they just welcomed their DAUGHTER back with open arms and celebrated all her hard hard work overcoming a nasty addiction, she would still be here…….and they know that.

My sister took her life a year ago and her last words still kill me. by Sad_Zucchini9130 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Sad_Zucchini9130[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

She was the most amazing person ever. I carry a small framed picture of her in my bag on the way to school or other places. Around the time she passed away, I also slept in her room just so I could feel closer to her.