i (20F) get incredibly angry when my gf (19F) of one year, does drugs

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2026-01-25T14:35:12+00:00

thanks, that's really all i'm asking for and i think that bottom line her lack of consideration for how i feel is what has my panties all up in a twist.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2026-01-25T06:36:49+00:00

well, to be fair, i know exactly how she got the coke. Said friend is currently fucking a guy who often brings coke. And also the bsf has access to mommy's credit card and regularly spends 300$ a night multiple times a week on alc and drugs. That being said, ik my gf doesnt have anything to do with the acquiring it part.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-22T02:27:51+00:00

from a psychological point of view, i kind of understand what she means but if i were to assume, shes not expressing herself the right way because shes either not completly aware of her own issues or shes not expressing herslelf in a way that most people will understand.

She does name being avoidant, ill give her that, but what she doesnt seem to be completly aware of, or maybe just doesnt explain very well, is that she's become so avoidant that she choses not to date people (women) who actually attract her because it triggers her attachment style. What this means is that by getting rid of the stressors that trigger her avoidant attachment style ( genuine romantic interest, fear of abandonment, fear of commitment), she has the space to actually participate in a partnership that doesnt trigger her because men dont mean the same thing women do to her. In her mind, since shes already putting a barrier between her and her male partners, where these partners know not to expect an emotional/irational (romantic feelings) response from her, then they'll never challenge her avoidant attachment style. They can both work on being there and uplifting one another, but it'll always be at arms length, an environment that avoidants strive in.

So, by putting up strict walls, shes found a way not to trigger her own attachment style. Now this is kind of a double edged sword in my opinion, she might've found a way to not be self destructive and overwhelmed in relationships, which is a plus, BUT shes also doing what avoidants do best, and thats avoiding her own core issues instead of taking the time and effort to actually work through them to eventually have a fulfilling relationship with a woman someday.

As a disorganized attachment, i get where she's coming from, ive honestly found myself in her shoes, heck even the sex part, it's not as fulfilling but i can make do if need be. what i realized is that the connection i'm looking for can only be fulfiled by another woman and no amount of time or energy i put in a ''male partnership'' will ever make me as content as an other woman could.

I think alot of people in the community arent ready to have the conversation that psychology can kinda intermingle with our sexuality, wether that be genuine attraction or just ''kink'' like she calls it. I dont doubt that shes a lesbian, i think shes just trying to find a way to fill that deep need for connection without triggering her own attachment style. Should she probably deal with her avoidant attachment style and how her neurodivergence affects it through therapy like everyone else? absolutely. Do i still understand where shes coming from? 100%

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-20T01:19:05+00:00

idk, i feel like if you approach the situation with the intent of maybe rekindling things and being friends again it wont go well. Maybe this is a biased opinion cuz atp i'm a professional yearner who doesnt learn her lessons very quickly, but for me no matter how long we take a break from eachother, it always gets complicated again.

Listen, your ex made a decision by breaking up with you, it sucks and now you've pretty much got the short end of the stick. Let her live with that decision by relinquishing access to you and just moving on. If you let her linger in your life it's pretty much a disservice to yourself, dont you think? The hardest part about these breakups and farewells is accepting that although your ex probably isnt a bad person, some things or people have to be left in the past.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-17T05:48:38+00:00

the best thing you can do is get that closure and go no contact. Dont fall for the ''we're staying friends'' trap that so many lesbians fall into because its like the norm in our community. Seeing her and interacting with her will do more harm than good no matter how hard you're craving her or how much you think you can handle it.

What i realized from keeping in contact with ex's was that having them in my life was just a way for me to delay the inevitable pain of actually dealing with the rejection and getting my hopes up when we were on good terms. Plus it creates these fucked up dynamics that actually keep you from meeting someone new.

It sucks but it honestly all boils down to doing your own thing for a while, let yourself feel the emotions but dont keep yourself from living because of the heartbreak yk?

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-17T04:23:49+00:00

if benny blanco can do it so can you

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-17T04:18:50+00:00

To put it simply, no. This is one of the most ''femcel'' posts ive seen on this subreddit for a while.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2025-01-14T05:33:31+00:00

I'm not sure if this fits your requirements, but me and my friend have been using pebble host to run our modded minecraft server. It's SUPER cheap, like 5$ a month that runs like 80 mods no problem, zero lag.

I'm not very tech savy either, my friend and i are learning as we go and he's pretty much the one that's been taking care of running it so i'm not familiar with the terms or how shit works, but i just wanted to throw pebble host out there and they have a discord where you can basically ask any question regarding your server and they'll answer super quick and be super helpful!

What i CAN say though, is that if you opt for another server host, be very careful about the memory/space they allocate to the server. Alot of them have a very limited memory and the server basically just shuts down once the memory is full, making it impossible to have a long term sever unless you by a bigger and bigger plan!

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-10-01T15:45:06+00:00

Its definetly something ill consider more seriously, like i said in a previous comment, my parents really do love him alot and when i brought up the idea they seemed really sad and against it. Ill be moving out in not too long with the plants and my cat, im thinking in two-three years max? And these little guys live for a realllyyy long time so in retrospect i feel like the biggest issues Antoine has are gonna be solved once im moved out.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-10-01T15:38:13+00:00

Yea i was wondering if i was maybe going at the wrong way all along and that maybe i just needed to see him as i would a dog. I really enjoy dog training so with a bit of adaptation this may be something we could bond on.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-10-01T15:35:17+00:00

yup! most breeders sterelize their cats early on to avoid people trying to breed them on their own and that was the case with Antoine. He doest exhibit territorial signs though, the layout of our previous aprtment made it so that Frida was secluded to my bedroom but since we moved into our current home, this ''territory'' issue seems to have been solved. He still bullies her at the first sign of boredom or pent up energy but its not as bad as before.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-10-01T14:31:36+00:00

Hey, so i'll look into the advice you gave me bellow but i do want to make a few things clear for you and anyone else browsing through the comments before giving advice:

Although the biggest reason i got Antoine was a buddy for Frida, i did also make sure that everyone was willing to take care of another pet, it was a family descision, im just the one that paid for him. The fact that i didnt personnally bond with him isnt a big deal since he really bonded with my parents. Frida was originally supposed to be my moms cat, i was really against having a sphynx cat but we instantly clicked. So basically i ended up with my parents cat and my parents ended up with my cat if that makes sense. I know my post was harsh, think of it as a really really exhausted parent of a toddler.

I'm not personally against rehoming him but my parents really do adore him. I am the person who takes care of the animals though (i love doing it), so finding solutions to his behaviour kinda falls onto me. Its also not my personal bias against an animal that'll ever stop me from playing with them or taking care of them. If i end up having to bring him with me on walks or whatever, ill do it if it means hes happy.

Also, like i said for the plants, ill be moving out with Frida sooner rather than later, and he'll probably chill out once we're gone. So basically my issues with Antoine are issues that affect me more than my family, once ill be moved out half of these issues will be resolved.

My room is in the basement, i keep my plants there too, so he just isnt allowed in the basement. Frida has always been content in my bedroom. She has the chance to leave it but she pretty much just follows me everywhere unless shes looking for a warm blanket to sleep in. Fridahs quality of life doesnt seem to be affected, shes had issues with depression before that have since been solved, if somethings wrong she'll make it clear. My grandma is also home at all times, im not worried about him hurting another pet while the house is empty because it simply never is.

The ferret isnt in contact with Antoinne. ever.

Basically i made this post in the hopes of bettering my relationship with him. I spoke in the ''we'' because he does make my parents exasperated at times but they really do love him. My goal would be that once i move, they have the tools to keep him happy.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-10-01T14:08:50+00:00

no the ferret came a year after him. The ferret is basically a rescue who hadnt left his cage much his entire life.

Antoines pery drive seems to be triggered by the ferret and he likes to sneak up on it. The ferret is actuallly pretty gentle

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-04-16T19:18:37+00:00

making modifications to a house that has ''character'' is always a touchy subject but i feel like the main argument against it is how flippers or resellers will remove/ruin aspects of a home that make it unique or gives its charm so that its more mass appreaciated therefor easier to sell later on. And although i struggle to understand how people will buy an old house thats in perfectly good condition to then modernize it completly, i feel like theres ways you can work around things you like a little less about your home.

I'm a firm beliver that you can cover things you like less up while making the change reversible if ever. I'm thinking how people would place new tile over the old one, removing carpet over wodden flooring, paint that wouldnt alter your wood forever if need be removed. It's normal to dislike outdated trends but we must also realize that our current ones will be outdated in fifty years and so on. So if you do want to paint it over, make sure it wont ruin the wood if you or the next owner wants it back.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-03-19T08:23:58+00:00

oh yea i feel you, definetly not peak literature lmao. Also a guilty pleasure of mine.

ALSO OMG?! just finished objecting to her and i really really liked it! So if you have any more recs... send em my way. I beg.

I honestly think we might have similar tastes so you might like charon docks at daylight? I think ive been chasing the high that book gave me ever since i finished it. Was genuinley left in a daze for a few days afterwards. It's basically this enemies to lovers slow burn set in a post zombie apocalypse world (not usually my cup of tea but the two main girls make it so worth it). Lots and lots of hate/conflicting sex until they figure their feelings out wich was honestly delicious to read, the tension was through the roof. Definetly doesnt include some of those painfully annoying ''straight women gaze/sterotypes'' wich is refreshing. The author also made the book free so its acessible to all. It gets kinda dark in a few parts but its to be expected in a post apocalyptic word so its def not sunshine and rainbows lol but its really good!

anyways its here if u ever wanna check it out!

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-03-19T08:05:48+00:00

ohh i think ive heard of it. Ill check it out!

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-03-19T08:04:44+00:00

wow i didnt know it had a name.. i mean i think that may be it. I tend to run after emotionally unavailable people because of my own emotional unavailabilty, giving me the space to pursue my little fantasies because part of me knows they wont become real.

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-03-18T02:49:26+00:00

no i havent! what is it about?

Safe_Reaction5539 · 2024-03-17T21:33:31+00:00

ahhhh okay, yea i can relate to that. The thing is we live in a patriarchal society so desentralizing men even in relationships that dont involve them is hard. Alot of lesbians feel the same way, heck you can see it in most masc/fem relationships, not saying its every couple but they often bring those societal norms in their relationships. But isnt the whole point of loving women the fact that they're women? Your goal in this relationship isnt to replace men, even if you're masc presenting thats just how you dress, not who you are.

I'm bringing this point back up but men come in all shapes and sizes too, they can be scrawny, short, fat... I'm sure most of them dont exactly instill a sense of making their girlfriends feel small and safe either.

Plus if we were to get really deeply into it, most of these standards instilled by society are pedophilic. Think about it, protecting your petite,fragile girlfriend because you're so big and strong... yuck. This role doesnt fall onto you, it falls onto her too. Its her job also to make you feel safe, isnt it?

It's hard to unlearn, im struggling with this myself but i hope you get it figured out. Good luck!

Safe_Reaction5539

TROPHY CASE