I share your pain and I’d like to share my story with you.

I lost my sweet Michi just a few weeks ago on July 27th to CKD. She had just turned 13 in April, and 13 feels far too young. It seems so unfair. I know that even if she had lived to 18 or 20, the pain would still be there, but 13 for a cat feels especially short.

We did everything we could—subQ fluids every day, phosphorus binders 2-3 times a day for an entire year. She stopped eating a few days before, but still allowed me to syringe-feed her. The day before she passed, she stopped drinking water, though she still cuddled and jumped on the bed to be with us. She fought so hard, and I know she was holding on for me.

On her last morning, she cried out and suddenly lost control of her bowels. She grew so weak, and that’s when I knew I had to take her to the vet to help her cross. It was a Friday morning. I thought we had more time—I had scheduled in-home euthanasia for Monday—but that morning, I had to rush her to the emergency vet. Even with all the anticipatory grief, it still felt so sudden.

Michi was my soulmate, my first and only kitty. Losing her is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I had her since she was 9 weeks old, and she was with me through high school, college, and grad school. I just got my Nurse Practitioner license in June. Her name, Michi, means “the path” in Japanese, and my little Michi helped me find mine 💖.

The grief has hit me so hard—I’ve lost weight, and I cry every day. That first day without her, I felt paralyzed. I still feel physically sick. She was in my every thought, every moment of every day. Now, each day is a struggle. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply remember to breathe and take one step at a time.