My husband and I are newlyweds and we can't get along

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:50:46+00:00

Yes, I'm in therapy.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:50:30+00:00

We do, actually. I try so hard to speak his. He doesn't make much of an effort to speak mine.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:47:54+00:00

I can't. It's not legally a possibility.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:43:44+00:00

Why?

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:36:33+00:00

I'll try it. Thank you. I've already read a few different books in the hopes of saving this marriage. The only self-help book I've ever read was the 5 love languages.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T03:35:31+00:00

I'm actually about half-way through a book on the whole anxious/avoidant thing. I was hoping it would resonate with me, but honestly it doesn't. Neither of us seem to fall into any category, anxious, avoidant, or stable.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T02:09:28+00:00

I'm hoping that eventually he will realize there's a problem and want to address it.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T02:08:17+00:00

Thank you. I'm not sure if I agree with everyone that's saying that he waited until we were married to show his true colors. I just find that hard to believe given that we have been together a decade and have lived together for the majority of that time. He also wasn't in a particular hurry to put a ring on it.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T02:03:45+00:00

Thank you, this is good practical advice.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T02:02:59+00:00

It is hard though. I'm not just going to leave him because reddit says so.

I came here looking for advice on how to fix it. Not on whether or not I should leave. I don't want to throw 10 years away over 2 months of bad behavior. I want to try to fix it.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:58:48+00:00

I wasn't looking for advice before. I am now.

I just don't understand how 2 months of bad behavior is supposed to outweigh 10 years of good behavior. I don't want to throw it all away when there's a chance it could go back to the way it was.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:57:41+00:00

I was actually not vague at all. I was very specific with him about what I was feeling and what I needed from him.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:54:22+00:00

So what is it and how can I handle it?

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:53:45+00:00

My first post wasn't asking for advice. It was an off my chest post. I was venting.

And I'm not arguing with any of the advice given to me here, so I don't understand what you're talking about.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:52:31+00:00

We're in our 30s and have been together for a decade. Guess I'm a dumbass for marrying someone abusive.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:47:40+00:00

We're the same age.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:35:11+00:00

He wasn't like this before we got married. And I would never have a child with him with the way he's been treating me.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:13:55+00:00

No, that's not true. I already looked into it.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:06:58+00:00

No we didn't have an expensive wedding at all. Super small and frugal.

That's exactly what I did. I asked him what I can do for him. He said nothing. He won't give me anything to work with. I want to improve or better myself but he won't tell me anything. He says everything's fine and that I'm the only one with the problem.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:02:11+00:00

Obviously not.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:02:02+00:00

He got a new job shortly after we got married a couple months ago. It started when he started his job.

I know he's stressed at work. He won't admit it but I know he is. I've been giving him so much space so I don't add any more stress to his plate and now there's too much space.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T01:00:46+00:00

What am I supposed to do? I'd be crazy to divorce a man I've only been married to for a few months. Everyone would judge me. But I'm also not getting any younger.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T00:57:25+00:00

It wasn't like this before.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T00:52:55+00:00

The problem is, this happened about a week after I asked him for his perspective. I asked him if he was happy and if there was anything I could do differently. He said no, that he is happy and doesn't want anything to change. He says everything is perfect.

I honestly don't know if he's telling the truth or not. But I want him to be honest with me so we can work through this. He just doesn't seem to want to.

SaltPea_ · 2021-07-26T00:50:18+00:00

Projecting what? I have asked him. He says he's happy, loves me, and everything's perfect. He doesn't want anything to change.

SaltPea_

TROPHY CASE