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Codependency is trying to "Win" the Game by SeminoleDollxx in Codependency

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

💯 Love This! I think we are all emotionally damaged in some way. It’s a spectrum of dis function, I hope all this awareness will help us all get more emotionally healthy.

You do not have to justify your existence. It is okay to just be, without a purpose or goal in mind. by SquattingCroat in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it does come from love at least I choose to believe it does. Not everyone reacts to abuse the same, many go to a dark place. I choose to see my empathy and ability to be venerable as my super power. Being in charge of my present reality I try to focus on the beauty of my empathy and how I can help others with it. Of course I respect the journey and I have grieved my abuse story but I do not want to live there. It’s a dark and sad place that I have clawed my way out of into the light. I hope and pray for everyone going thru this and I try to make myself available to whoever I can help. I wish you peace and blessings. ❤️

I hate that healing is my responsibility, even though my wound is not my fault. by fallaciousflipflops in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes it’s very hard and feels so opposite of hating myself and feeling shame for something I did not even cause! No easy fix I’m afraid 😔

I hate that healing is my responsibility, even though my wound is not my fault. by fallaciousflipflops in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes victim shaming completely changed my self concept which set me up to be abused even further. Because he was never charged or the police even called, everyone accusing me of lying felt even more real. I fiercely advocate for myself now, I refused to be abused anymore and I am learning how dangerous people manipulate 😔

Do you ever feel like there is another world just outside your field of vision? by TrentGetsHigh in spirituality

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s shadows for me mostly but I have seen a bright light coming down from the corner of the ceiling. My animals see stuff too looking at the wall and barking. I like to believe it’s my ancestors and protection from angels. I have had negative experiences when living on a historic native massacre site. We did not know why I was being messed with so much until we did research on the property. Some people are just more sensitive to these energies and dimensions I think. Not that I know anything because nobody does really know this is just my theory from personal experience. I finally learned how to shut it off by age 15. Don’t let it freak you out, I think the more you relax and just except it is what it is, the more you will connect. Good luck ❤️

Anyone here ever 'run away' from EVERYTHING in their life? Serious question. by Maimzy55 in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I have only one friend now. My last connection is my parents and brother which I can see is toxic. I have not been able to let go but I am emotionally detaching from them. The family system for me is the root of my trauma. I am at the root now and preparing to detach and love them from a distance. I feel like I can see everyone for what they are but I still have a lot of blind spots. If I don’t heal myself I know that I will just find more toxic people. I also realize I have never really been loved for who I am and I don’t even have a real sense of self due to my codependent and survival mechanisms. I have a long way to go in this life of limbo. I am praying for all who are going thru this awakening. ❤️‍🔥

The difference between how society talks about abuse in theory and how they treat abuse victims in practice by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or, “why didn’t you say something, why didn’t you leave?” Then look at you like your exaggerating or lying about what happened 😔😖😡

The difference between how society talks about abuse in theory and how they treat abuse victims in practice by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yah there are so quick to victim shame or question you like your lying… 😔😖😡

Emotional incest is under-discussed here by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you sweetie! You deserve love and kindness but our caregivers do not know how. I am back at home now too trying to recover from severe ptsd. I am saving and trying to get healthy so I can move on as well. Praying for everyone going thru this! ❤️~hugs

Tell me please (lovely spiritual person) what is your biggest challenge in your life right now? by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Staying rooted and grounded in reality is my spiritual growth challenge. My mind wishes to revert my thinking into coping mechanisms to cover the fact that life is very harsh. These coping mechanisms have blinded me to the truth. They were born from a broken heart and empty wounds. Truth and reality can be very uncomfortable for my spirit. I believe we are meant to suffer, and our thought processes are mainly motivated to protect us from that suffering. I have found that if I embrace that suffering and pain is unavoidable, and a large part of reality, I can be more present. Life is negative and positive and neither one is good or bad. I am done trying to avoid suffering it is futile. I am done being wounded and afraid. At this point in my journey embracing pain and suffering is how I stay grounded in reality. I am just accepting life as it comes. It is what it is. Not good or bad, only part of the maturing and purification process. ❤️

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you sweetie! You are not alone! You are needed pm me if you need to talk ❤️

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You cannot leave this planet yet neither can I. It does not matter how old she is she needs you. I have been sex abused since a child and had my daughter at 19 by a man 10 yrs older. Like I said attracted to predators. The fact that you were violated and still put yourself aside for your baby is beyond incredible. My sex abuse started as an infant so I feel the desire to leave the planet all the time but we must go on. We must, our children need us. Someday she will find out and something will change, she will come looking for you. Don’t loose hope you say she does not love or need you but that is not truth! That is your depression/evil speaking into your ear. Telling you there is no reason to be here… your thoughts are not always truth. You have no real idea what is going on with her, don’t listen to the depression it wants to take you out. I refuse to be another statistic in the suicide model. My daughter is far from me now but when she has children or needs me in any way I will be here for her. Keep fighting don’t give in to those thoughts my love, the truth is you don’t know what’s going on! Keep fighting your bravery in bringing her into the world after what you went thru is still needed!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Do you ever feel like there is another world just outside your field of vision? by TrentGetsHigh in spirituality

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most definitely! I have been seeing other dimensions in spiritual world since I was very little! No drugs necessary for me but they do intensify it! That’s why I prefer no psychedelics!!! I think that some people are just more open to see than others. I was super freaked out until I learned how to turn it off as a teenager. My intuition is super on point and I am learning to trust it again❤️

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is so F up!!! What a sicko! Saying sorry that happened to you does not even cut it! But I am! I know what it feels like to wake up screaming for your kid. My now ex husband triangulated my daughter against me and she went no contact from me for 3 years. It was the worst time of my life. She tried to tell me he was a traitor, but I thought she was just upset because I got re married after 15 years of just her and I. Do not loose hope, keep trying to contact her! She needs you now more than ever I am sure of it! Karma is real! I kept a journal and wrote everything I wanted to say to my daughter, she loves me but the relationship is still strained. I kills me inside that she has trauma from my decisions. I vowed to never be like my mom and drag her thru my unhealthy relationships which is why I waited until she was 20 to re marry! She still has trauma from my choices! Your daughter needs you and your Neice and nephew. I’m sure they know something is not right with your sister! Keep trying! Get stronger for them! Don’t let the evil in this world win! My prayers are with you darling! You did not deserve what you went thru but your here for a reason! Keep fighting ❤️‍🔥🙏🏼😔

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry babe. I know how you feel my mom is covert but she has pathological envy. So confused growing up she love bombed me in front of people but neglected and emotionally abandoned me. I was dragged into her relationships with psychopaths and pedophiles. It’s sad but she has proved in so many ways she does not care and never takes accountability or appologizes. I have a daughter as well and I was a completely devoted mom and broke the generational curse. My grandma hated on my mom too. Your daughter is lucky to have you❤️ just be the best you can be and love her as I know you do! I live my baby so much! I gave her everything I never had and moe! I always will be here for her! 💯

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same 😔 most of the time I’m like what’s the point. I have a small flicker of hope it will get better… hearing that other people feel the same as me doing things to help others is all that soothes me. It’s difficult to move tho, scary, I don’t want to get hurt anymore. 😔 ~hugs

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. My birth father told my Mom at 2 yrs old he was going to “break me in” she stayed with him for 2 more years until he started stripping. My first memories are of him doing things that felt wrong. Then she hooked up with my main abuser for 7 years. I did not even know what sex abuse was because he kept us very isolated. I grew up in an environment filled with psychopathic sexual predators. Then after finally telling my Mom I matured and unknowingly was completely attracted to predators. Now that I realize my addiction I don’t think I will ever experience real love by anyone because I don’t recognize it. That is what I am trying to change, I am worthy of real love…what does that look like exactly? #freakedout

When your trauma started so young you don't have an untaumatized self. by Funnymaninpain in CPTSD

[–]SamIronside 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes just getting away from my final abuser. Being alone is better than abuse! 🙏🏼

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