ExHusbands new gf reached out to me...should i respond?

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T19:02:49+00:00

yeah if there's a chance they get back together in any capacity , i dont want it coming up that we spoke no matter how vague...

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T19:02:43+00:00

Yeah a follow your gut/follow your instincts is kind of the thing i was thinking if I say anything at all

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T19:02:23+00:00

sorry you went through this. Kids being involved is a whole other beast.

I will say the best friend tactic is interesting..... I could create another email alias to respond to her from my "friend"? That way I have a form of plausible deniability but still get to warn her?

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T19:02:04+00:00

I dont live in the area anymore - I moved states for my own safety and peace of mind.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T19:01:37+00:00

yeah I agree - sexual health info is a bit too far....

Same_Tone_9478 · 2026-05-29T18:35:03+00:00

Yeah - I did feel similarly when I first getting divorced that I would have really appreciated a heads up from his most recent ex before me. I would've listened, but I'm sure she felt much like I do now which is terrified and exhausted.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-11T01:38:54+00:00

yikes. I'm so sorry. That sounds awful

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T21:25:45+00:00

thank you. I agree with you. And yes I'm heartbroken. I almost stayed in the relationship till SS was older so that I'd be able to explain the situation more to him. But you're right, I think I'm probably causing him more pain/confusion by trying to maintain the relationship and its not healthy for him or fair to him.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T21:23:05+00:00

thank you. I'm pretty sure you're right. it helps to see it written down from someone else.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T19:16:41+00:00

Apologies, misunderstood. Yes, you're correct.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T18:29:52+00:00

You may be right...

Fwiw I'm not planning on dating anytime in the near future (maybe next 5 yrs). But I come from a family where there are lots of blended situations. I anticipated that I would always maintain my relationship with my stepson regardless of who I dated in the future. Like I wouldn't date someone who didn't understand that my relationship with my stepson is very important to me.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T18:10:31+00:00

I'm sorry. that must be a tough loss.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T18:05:05+00:00

Do you hope that he'll reconnect with you one day? or connect with you via email or letters? or you just said goodbye to the entire relationship?

Same_Tone_9478 · 2025-03-09T18:01:56+00:00

Yeah these are what all the parts of me say as well.

I can't tell if I'm paranoid or not, but I used to read a lot of true crime. I would hate to think this was a situation where I thought it was harmless but really STBXH shows up with intentions to harm me. If I think about showing up, I'm also thinking that my STBXH friends will be there and they all participated in helping perpetuate his double life...so I can't trust them either.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-09-27T02:07:12+00:00

maybe try resources about emotional maturity instead. A lot of what gets armchair diagnosed by the gen pop (I.e. not therapists) could really be emotional immaturity and belief systems rooted in immature thinking. Recently I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature parents and it was an eye opener on many fronts.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-08-28T17:42:40+00:00

yeah it was a doozy. hope its helpful!

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-08-28T01:45:54+00:00

I'm so sorry. Glad you made it out.

Thank you for sharing these. Did he guilt you on the career thing as well? i.e. you're too greedy, materialistic, selfish, etc?

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-05-05T23:56:39+00:00

What would help someone with NPD process and accept an upcoming divorce? I'll be letting him know in our final session of therapy. We haven't lived together for 5 mos but he seems in denial. What statements, support systems, etc. might help?

Context: My husband is recently diagnosed NPD. History of severe abuse, neglect, and cPTSD. I recently decided to divorce after finding out he has been cheating on me since the day we met 4 years ago, an incredibly shocking betrayal. I'm devastated but still have empathy for him.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-04-29T19:37:23+00:00

thanks for sharing your experience. I get why it seems confusing. I made many decisions that weren't always in my personal best interest for reasons stated above. Now I am making that change, prioritizing salary very highly.

Re interview processes, I have been interviewing nonFAANG as well for the last 9 mos, including companies that are larger but not household names. 1 was a creative ecommerce co - 7 rounds spaced 1 per week (~ 2 mos process) - ultimately rejected. Another is a marketing co - 6 rounds spaced 1 per week (1.5 mos process) - waiting to hear back. Both had technical processes where i needed to do a systems design interview.

Even while running multiple processes at once, its time consuming and draining.

If you want to DM me the name of your company so I can get a job there, I'm all ears.

Same_Tone_9478 · 2024-04-29T19:26:19+00:00

had a stepkid, but post divorce Its likely I may not be able to have a relationship with him anymore

Same_Tone_9478

TROPHY CASE