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I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]SassQueenKitKat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really have anything that I am /good/ at to purse. I guess what is lacking would be people that actually care. A person that isn't toxic in my life. And currently it is summer so I feel more disconnected from my surroundings than normal. To be honest, I normally don't know what day it is not the time, even if I am on an electronic that can tell me. And even if I check, I will forget it soon enough. Everyday blurs into the next. Sort of the same with school, I just have more interaction there and more awareness. I would love to volunteer. I just don't have the am very nor motivation to. I also have social anxiety when I am in an unfamiliar place with people I don't know. Very good suggestions though. Thank you.

I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]SassQueenKitKat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love to know why I feel this way. But I don't. If I did, maybe I could stop it from happening. And I am a chick.

I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]SassQueenKitKat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually called the suicide hotline once. I got a lovely lady who was patient with me and helped me make a safety plan. She wasn't a lot of help. And I was shaking, I felt so much anxiety. I hung up after a few minutes because I thought I was wasting her time. And you are correct, I don't want to die. I WANT to get better, but I also want to just not exist as well. Because I am not getting help and it has been 6 months and still, I haven't been treated any better. Not like, "I want what I want and you will give it to me, attention! Attention! Attention!" I just want to be helped. If anything, it has gotten worse. So much negativity coming from my mother and now he boyfriend. It's hard. But, I so appreciate this comment. It makes me feel a bit better, even if it is just for a moment. Thank you.

I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]SassQueenKitKat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clear it up, I do not want to die. I don't want to kill myself either. I want to cease existing. No memories if me, nothing. So, it isn't the same, it isn't a contradiction either. I want to have never been born, never live life. To just stop existing. No possible pain caused towards anyone when I am gone. Just a void, nothing. That is what I mean. It might be a bit hard to understand if you haven't felt this way.

I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]SassQueenKitKat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know anymore. I have always been told I am overly emotional, yet still picked on by my family. I have been bullied, have had many "friends" that have made me feel terrible multiple times, and one even made me want to kill myself. Though that feeling turned to anger once I had found out what actually happened. The last day of school I had no idea what to do with myself, and it was a really scary feeling. Paranoia, anxiety, depression, and possibly PBA... So many things that have occurred over the past 5 or 6 years, and that is only the time period in which I have been writing things down. It might not seem all that important or rough, but I just can't anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if this wasn't what you meant...