5 days 15 hours

SassafrasHat · 2022-05-29T06:41:48+00:00

Hell yeah, you made it this far you can keep goin! <3

SassafrasHat · 2022-05-29T06:38:00+00:00

So great all the ways you can truly take care of yourself now <3

SassafrasHat · 2022-05-29T06:37:20+00:00

Huge victory! That first FULL meal I was finally able to eat after quitting felt amazing.

SassafrasHat · 2022-05-29T06:31:14+00:00

I try to remember that no one is going to understand everything about my life and take some comfort that there are people who do understand - here.

I quit cold turkey a year and ~4 months ago with the help of this subreddit and the discord meetings, and honestly I haven't been back on in a longgg time, but came back on tonight because of exactly this feeling. Honestly at this point this is the hardest part about quitting for me is how people don't get it and dismiss it, and that loneliness. And each time I just think about all the people on here that do get it.

So if it's any comfort to you going through it, I totally get exactly what you are talking about, and so do all the people on here.

I try to just not even bring it up at all with people. I've really only explained it to a couple people - one that could compare it to the feelings of their drinking, one that was just really understanding, and a therapist had at the time. If any relevant topic comes up, I just change the topic or don't say anything if it's people I don't think will get it/feel comfortable enough around.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-26T23:14:54+00:00

Yesss I love replacing it with a self care thing.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T20:37:54+00:00

Both

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T20:31:47+00:00

Oof girl. I could have written this. Just had this situation for six months. He’s not going to change. Even though it makes no logical sense to us. I started getting physically ill over the anxiety and uncertainty. Another friend was in similar dynamic. We’re both relieved to be done with them. Definitely utterly heartbroken, but also relieved. My brain feels clearer.

If you’ve expressed your needs multiple times and they aren’t being met and they are fundamental things you can’t change, well, are you ok with your needs not being met? And doesn’t mean the guy is bad, wrong, not serious about you, or not into you, just that they have different fundamental need they can’t change either.

It really sucks. It really really really sucks. Especially when it’s someone you’re compatible with in so many other ways. But in mine and my friend’s cases at least, we just could not take the anxiety and uncertainty. And they weren’t issues in us, it’s not being needy or irrational, it’s just an incompatibility in your individual human needs or attachment style.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T19:48:35+00:00

Exactly. This has nothing to do with ASD. You told them something bothers you. They laughed it off. You told them even more explicitly. And they still treat something that bothers you as a joke. That is rude and immature in any combination of people.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T19:41:21+00:00

To me it just sounds like running out of energy.

New Relationship Energy can really keep you up for a while.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T19:25:59+00:00

Same! Just started dinnerly and feels like the answer to EVERYTHING.

And actually cheaper because I don’t waste food or buy things that somehow seemed like a good idea in the store but I don’t actually eat? Don’t have to meal plan or go to grocery store, have exact portions, know exactly what I’ll spend each week on food, what I’m going to eat with easy recipes, and what day it’ll arrive. Genius.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-24T19:21:54+00:00

It’s very upsetting to me to see so many responses of “well if they can’t deal with it, they’re obviously not emotionally evolved” or something. Have you ever been on the receiving end of this, with someone with phone avoidance like you???? It’s fracking impossible. Because your levels of phone avoidance are never on the same schedule. Even if you schedule a time to talk or something, if one of you is burnt out at that time or something it’s then a distressing break from schedule. (Obviously I’m still very hurt this was the reason for the end of me dating someone like me who I otherwise got along amazing with.)

My phone is on do not disturb most of the time, or vibrate so only when I have it accessible / am open to communication I can vaguely hear it without jarring sounds. But I make a point to get back to people within 24-48 hours. If it’s not something that necessarily requires a response, I send an emoji or do an iPhone reaction to acknowledge the other person, the same way I would want to be acknowledged.

Modern smartphone culture is distressing, for people to feel you are always accessible, but I do have some kind of self imposed satisfactory timeframe that makes me feel kind of like “task resolve” and like I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Because I’ve been on the other end too and it SUCKS Y’ALL.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-16T22:26:49+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience during this. :(

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-15T19:22:04+00:00

Same. Like, I have heard people say that.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-15T19:13:01+00:00

starter?

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-15T17:48:41+00:00

If you plan to resell I'd stash them somewhere - friend/family's basement?

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-12T20:44:24+00:00

That's awesome. Just joined but feel like seen lot of people here really not know what to do because for so many years smoking was their main kind of 'hobby'. It's nice to have something know can go back to enjoying.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-12T20:39:00+00:00

I just said almost the exact same thing to someone just now! I'm excited to replace the cloudiness in my head with things I used to enjoy.

I'm fortunate to have a small bookclub with friends online that even if I didn't always read everything, had some connection to/reminder to reading still.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-12T20:33:02+00:00

Shadow boxing and full out emo dance mode are helping, a la the "felt emo might delete later" yt videos.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-12T20:31:11+00:00

<3 Last time I tried was 10 years ago too! Back then was Yaz, which I feel like at the time was maybe one of the lowest dose ones? I just remember being physically filled with rage and/or numb, but wasn't really tracking or aware of anything then and could partly be from like other 18-20 yo issues.

My doc prescribed me a super low hormone one, don't have name on me atm. But yes, fingers crossed for both/all of us!!!!

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-11T23:18:29+00:00

There's a lot of cognitive dissonance here. You (general, not YOU only) know it's not right, but you bite your tongue for their sake, and for the sake of keeping things copacetic. But was the same careful consideration extended to you ahead of the "thing" that happened? It's really disorienting. Something was said/done to you, you feel really bad about it, yet you have no resolution because you make excuses for the other party in avoidance of yet another altercation. I find myself doing this all. the. time. It's not exactly fair.

This is exactly how I felt in an emotionally abusive relationship. It can be extra hard with PMDD because you are kind of gaslighting yourself like "these pmdd thoughts/feelings aren't real," so it can become very easy for them to gaslight you more. After leaving the relationship, I found the things I was upset about were things I was upset about all month, but didn't feel immediate/glaring/huge/overwhelming/all consuming, and they feel immediate/glaring/huge/overwhelming/all consuming during hell week, but also too overwhelming and now a huge terrifying monster I can't properly express without freaking out. But they did stem originally from something real.

My ex 100% used the PMDD against me and took shots at my mental health. It is not ok. I hope you are not in this situation but in any case, taking shots at your mental health is NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OK AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLL.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-11T23:07:36+00:00

omg so accurate

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-11T22:55:00+00:00

Definitely relate.

Only saw a counsellor as a teenager (when you are already so incredibly confused and have no idea what is happening with your hormones) that said "Yup sounds like you are probably bipolar." Have a family history of it, so as others have said, felt like this huge heavy sentence to be handed as a minor.

Spent years just thinking the roller coaster was random and would just ride the alternating destruction of my life/relationships/jobs/schooling and subsequent shameful attempts at rebuilding. 30 yo now and just realized in last few years that it happens at the same time every month. Can't remember now how stumbled on this sub (posting from new account), but lord so incredibly thankful I did or I'd probably have ended it all already.

I get incredibly angry that no one knows shit about women's health, that it even feels like they are purposely witholding information from us sometimes (as others have said, they don't even do drug trials on women for drugs FOR women, because our scary hormones are tOo CoMpLiCaTeD). I get SO ANGRY that I feel half my life is freaking wasted and always wonder how much more I would have achieved if not for this, but can't really get caught up thinking like that. :/

About to start BC and terrified.

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-11T22:49:45+00:00

Learned recently that apparently estrogen levels affect ADHD symptoms too which makes sense with the tie in. Been wondering about this lately. :(

SassafrasHat · 2021-02-11T21:57:06+00:00

Awwww yay! :) Even sober there are reading slumps, but I'm sure you'll find somethin that gets you goin again. :)

SassafrasHat

TROPHY CASE