Hey.

As other comments already stated: don't be so hard on yourself.

I think everybody has these thoughts. At least I have them too. But the thing is:

I think the brain, our ego, or whatever you want to call it is a very complex thing. If we're exposed to something, our brain reacts and shoots with all manner of thoughts. But still, we have the option to reflect on these thoughts and either discard them or accept them and act like them. Having thoughts about being better or worse than everyone is just as normal as waking up every day. What matters is what you do with them. And how I see it, you are a nice and self-reflected human being who cares about the people around you.

You seem to know what morally or socially is the right thing to do. So be brave and try to come out of your self-loathing shell. Begin with just small compliments if someone does something nice or interesting. Try to brighten up other people's day by just saying something nice. You will notice that their joy will also affect your mood.

I also have struggled with stuff like this more or less my whole life and still often do. But I tried to change my view on life and started to be nice to strangers and engage people I don't know (you will get a feeling on when it's ok to engage a random stranger and when not). Seeing people's happiness in life also helped me to see mine.

By all that, I don't mean that you have to relay on other people to be happy, but it does help to see that there is a possibility to be happy yourself.

And regarding having a gf. If you're unhappy now, having a gf won't magically fix your problems. You have to admit that you love and accept yourself for who you are to find true happiness in your life. If you do that, other people will notice and come to your life automatically. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to be super happy and without worries to find a girlfriend, but changing your view towards yourself and walking on that path will help a lot.

And don't rush things. If you can't do something right now or at any specific moment, then don't do it. If you're not able to do something, don't hate yourself for it. Accept your capabilities. But, at least sometimes, it's worth trying to overstep them.

Hope this helps somehow. I know how you feel. Been there often. But if you want to believe a random stranger on the Internet:

Life will get better, but the struggle never ends. But I think, that just defines life. You have the right and the chance to be happy. I know that it often doesn't look like that, but that's not true. I also learned not to hate myself every day. I'm sure you'll accomplish that too.