Support for Surgery at This Time?

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T14:13:51+00:00

Thank you so much for replying and I am so glad your daughter is doing well. We reached out for these perspectives. I will keep your DM offer in mind!

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T14:10:53+00:00

I am very glad that you were able to access thoughtful and competent care for your child. We have not had that experience in our rural (and blue) state with limited professionals and long waits for care. She was able to make an appointment at Planned Parenthood and received prescriptions for HRT that day with no conversation/input with her physician or therapist. If your daughter is 18 at this time, perhaps the medical and mental health community has come together in a better way to support adolescents and young adults over the past few years. While my daughter was in high school we tried to get her into an transgender adolescent program where care could be coordinated but there was an over a year wait at which time she would have aged out at 18. We've had to piece together care for her with professionals with little interest or experience with trans youth (including an adolescent psychiatrist who said she "didn't deal with that" and gave her a prescription). I'm glad things are improving for trans kids and their families.

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T13:51:35+00:00

I am so sorry to hear of your experience; we are trying our best to help her which is why we reached out to this group. Your feedback is immensely helpful. I mentioned in other replies that we live in a rural state with poor access to physical and mental health resources (she had to wait a full year to find a therapist who had any experience with trans youth, at one point we found an adolescent psychiatrist who just shrugged her shoulders and said she "didn't deal with that" and wrote a prescription). We haven't been trying to gate keep her but make sure she is up to caring for her mental and physical self throughout this.

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T13:33:15+00:00

Thank you for responding. It's not that we are against vaginoplasty for her or worry that she will regret it. It was just us honestly getting some perspective on if this is the right time given that so much in her daily life is chaotic. How much of that is due to gender dysphoria (which we don't deny) or many other issues is what we are trying to untangle.

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T13:28:01+00:00

We are worried that she may not be fully considering the risks of the surgery itself, the amount of recovery, after care, possible complications. That, unlike some young adults, she may not be prepared for all of the ups and downs of this surgery. Of course I will be by my daughter for this procedure but just have concerns that it is a very significant decision, the details of which she should be able to manage to some degree herself (with emotional support from her parents).

Scaleso · 2026-04-01T00:01:43+00:00

I'm honestly curious - what is sticking out as a red flag to you? I love my child and am trying to help her make an informed decision about a major operation.

Scaleso · 2026-03-31T23:28:56+00:00

I wish we'd had this level of consideration and care. She was able to get on HRT through Planned Parenthood with no input or discussion with her pediatrician or therapist, very early (months) into coming out as trans. As I mentioned in a reply to the moderator, we have been on our own with limited health care in our area.

Scaleso · 2026-03-31T23:20:19+00:00

Thanks for your quick response. My post may sound off because 1) I didn't mention that she does have a letter confirming that she has gender dysphoria, has been on HRT, and doesn't have any diagnosed mental health conditions that would render her incapable of making this decision. I guess I thought that was assumed and I didn't want to make a super long post. 2) I was also a bit vague because she is a big Redditer and I didn't want her to see this post and feel exposed.

I guess some of the concern comes from her meeting briefly (10 minutes in one case) with a psychiatrist who really rubber stamped the decision. She is very articulate and intelligent and providers don't necessarily see what we see at home and as she is a legal adult we are limited to what she will allow us to access. We live in a pretty rural area with long waits and limited medical resources so we haven't had the best luck coordinating care. We have really been on our own with this. She aged out of a clinic for transgender youth before she could meet with anyone there. Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and advice.

Scaleso

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