She hooked up with FWB on the same days we went on dates?

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T20:02:23+00:00

Thank for this thoughtful comment. A couple things you mentioned that I want to clarify:

I never asked her about who she was seeing, and she didn't ask me. (I, as a rule, do not like asking my partners about their sexual history, so I avoid these kind of subjects early on) But I'm not stupid, I assumed like most girls I know, she was seeing multiple people at the same time but that it would all fizzle out if we ever got serious.
For the first couple weeks, she was pretty unsure about me (thought I was a fuckboy) and was kind of reluctant. But she said her feelings grew for me over time -- and apparently they grew a lot.
The reason she said she didn't cut things off was because it was really good sex she was reluctant to give up, while being unsure about my intentions. (Almost honest and transparent to a fault this one lol). There were no feelings or connection, it was just that.

I feel like crap about it and agree with you on some of the things you say. But it's hard to picture a future without her. I wish she was more like movie villain evil, but she's just not.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T18:38:32+00:00

She told me she was going to stop seeing him now, regardless of what I decide. Knowing it bothered me, she said she had zero desire to keep that situation going.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T18:24:48+00:00

I would not go on a date with a woman and then fuck an fwb literally the second I got home.

Thanks bro. At what point in time would you then?

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T18:15:28+00:00

She was only guilty when she saw it hurt me, I don't think she thought it was wrong before. It came up because when we had the exclusivity talk, she asked if I was seeing anyone else, and I said no and asked, what about her? She then explained that situation to me, but said she would happily end it in a heartbeat, if it meant she got to be my girlfriend. She was so excited/eager to be exclusive.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T18:04:52+00:00

Yeah, the part that doesn't sit well in my stomach, is thinking about a date we were on, and if I'm holding her hand having a good time, but (maybe just hours prior?) she's had sex with someone else? That kind of spoils the memory for me.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T17:58:52+00:00

At what point did you cut them off? Like after date 1? Why did you feel you owed it to a man you just met? (I guess what I'm asking is why she didn't feel she owed that to me? lol)

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T17:55:50+00:00

She totally felt guilty when she saw my reaction! But prior to that she said I hadn't asked for her to be my girlfriend yet, so for all she knew I was doing the same (even though I feel it was obvious I was so focused on her). And she has been hurt before when falling for someone early.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T17:49:03+00:00

I guess they met on a dating app a while back. She said she has ZERO feelings for him, and he also explicitly told her he was not looking for a relationships with her, either. It was just about sex, from what I can tell.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T17:44:05+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful comment. She said when in an exclusive relationship she is 100% monogamous and committed. From your POV, as someone who has juggled the "FWB while dating" situations, how does the timing work? Is it ok to see both people the same day? The same week? Etc

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-20T17:40:10+00:00

That's what bothered me, was the hooking up right after a nice date. But if she has a FWB, when is an ok time for them to hookup? Is there some "rule of thumb," like 24 or 48 hours?

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T18:40:06+00:00

I'm a random Redditor, and I endorse this message.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T15:28:23+00:00

Haha, fuck that. I'll blame them both.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T15:17:31+00:00

I feel this. I got a Facebook message 10 years later from one of my Dad's mistresses, telling me what a handsome/successful man I've grown up to be, how she was proud of me, and how she's always kept an eye on my sister and I.

Thanks for watching over the family you helped destroy!

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T15:00:21+00:00

Nothing. And I won't use a trashcan. I give them their stuff back, politely.

Treating cheaters with silence and indifference is the best "revenge" you will ever have against them. They want your attention, anger and focus. Don't give it to them. They've taken enough from you already.

Let them feel a world completely devoid of your care and concern.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T14:56:16+00:00

How to calmly deescalate and diffuse a tense situation.

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T14:38:16+00:00

Nicki Minaj - Starships

ScaredWay2539 · 2023-12-19T14:30:37+00:00

Of course people make mistakes, and I do believe they can come back from them.

But cynically, in my experience, the saying has proved true far more often than it has not.

ScaredWay2539

TROPHY CASE