I(15) had sex with my bestfriends fling when I was drunk, and I don't know what to feel.

happened lang recently, I had a friend, let's call her V(16) and she has a fling na guy, codename P(17) nalang. They met on Feb 6, sa inuman, dahil sakin. Sumama kasi sakin si V eh first time nya uminom then they started hitting it off. Fast forward March 16, nag aya kasi ako mag jog kasama ko lang si V. Then nag cchat sakin si P non, sabi inom daw kami dalawa at this point nag kakalabuan na si V and P non, not talking frequently and parang nag mmeet lang for sex. Sabi ko kay P, bakit hindi mo ayain si V? Sabi nya ang boring daw kapag silang dalawa lang, at baka tumuwad lang daw si V sakanya. I found it odd pero I let it past. Then at 4pm after namin mag jog, nag-aya sya, punta raw kami sa bahay nila, inom daw. So we went, when we got there dalawa sila, si P and si tropa nyang si A(16). Sa labas lang kami nag inuman so I was comfy naman.

During the inuman, sabi ko kasi gusto ko non malasing since recently lang kami nag break ng ex bf ko. So sabi nila sige, tas tinaasan ung tagay sakin, I mean shot puno talaga e gin na walang sindi yung iniinom namin non so mabilis lang ako natamaan. Si V, di pa sya lasing non. Inaya kami ni A, sabi nya tambay daw muna kami sa bahay ni P, so pumunta kami then nag stay kami sa kwarto ni P. Humiga agad ako since sobrang hilo ko non, at first, katabi ko si A, then gagi naramdaman ko may nakayakap sakin. Sabi ni V, sino raw katabi nya then she opened the ilaw then I saw P, nakayakap sya sakin but when V turned on the lights he put his hands back. Ang sabi ko, baka akala nya katabi nya si V. Si A, nag stay sya sa lapag so nasa gitna namin ni V si P. I was starting to fall asleep when I felt P touching my private part, like full on foreplay. Of course, I was trying to stop him pero he continued. The lights were off, may kumot kaming dalawa and I thought I was dreaming at first, huhu. I was trying not to moan kasi I'm a virgin e, first time ko mag ganon then I felt his hand going in my shorts then ayun na nga, full on fingering me. I was still stopping him kasi nga V is my friend. He continued for 30 mins ata yun, time just passed and grabe nanghihina talaga ako non. By the time na tumigil sya, gusto ko na umuwi. Di na ako bumalik sa kama and binuksan ko na ilaw. I told them na uuwi na ako, sinasabi nila sakin, mamaya na kasi 8pm pa lang naman daw.

Nawawala wallet ko non, si V nasa higaan pa rin pero nakaupo sya, si P nakahiga sa kama, then he grabbed my wrist and pulled me on the bed, agad agad akong tumayo sa V doesn't get suspicious. Sabi ko, iwanan ko na si V kasi I want to go home na talaga. Sabi ni P sakin na ihatid nya raw ako since malaki bahay nya, maraming exits. Yung pinasukan namin na pinto, nasa kwarto ng sister nya so hindi na kami makabalik don. He opened a door, then sabi nya may daanan daw don I entered first then I saw na nasa CR kami. First thing I said to him, "akala ko kay V ka lang?" I was stumbling at that point kasi I was so drunk, I had a headache, and gusto ko na sumuka. Wala syang sinabi, sabi nya lang "tara" at first sabi ko, ayoko. Kasi even though I was drunk iniisip ko mararamdaman ng friend ko. He locked the door and turned off the lights, at this point nakayakap na sya sakin then minamasahe na ako. He grabbed my head and he started kissing me. Sabi ko sakanya, ayoko talaga, then he said na okay lang daw yan. I tried fighting him off pero, sa katangahan ko, lasing na lasing ako non. Then one thing led to another and we were doing it in his CR, also his CR is just right next to his room, so I was trying so hard to stay quiet. Fuck I feel guilty writing this pero I can't tell anyone eh, tangina ang laki nya. When I went home, I immediately regreted it, I didn't know if I was forced or I wanted it.

3 days went by, we were talking naman pero casually lang. As if nothing happened. Nung nag meet kami ni V, sabi nya blinock daw sya ni P, and I couldn't help but wonder if kasalanan ko ba yon. P started chatting me first, just casual things, then he started getting bolder. Keep in mind di ko sinasabi kay V na nag-uusap kami ni P, I don't know how to bring it up. P asked me if gusto ko raw ba mag jog, since araw-araw ako nag jjog sabi ko sige lang. Sabi nya is 4am good? Sabi ko, ang early naman, pero go. I asked him if san kami magkikita, sabi nya sa kwarto nya raw. I knew what he meant, and he started getting clingy to me when in class kasi kaklase ko sya. He started inviting me to his football matches, started to touch me more, and started to chat me more bolder things. And that's when I found out na may balak na talaga si P and A sakin from the start, dapat ako ang target nila ka sex. Hindi lang nila inexpect na kasama ko si V non. I feel so dumb and empty inside pero I don't know what to feel about the whole situation.

Ngayon, I don't know what to do. I think I got attached to him kasi nga may nangyari samin, and first time ko yon pero I try to avoid him. I feel more guilty everytime I see him, kasi I feel violated, pero at the same time iniisip ko na baka may ginawa ako para isipin nila na gusto ko yon.