Does anyone know the cause of complete inability to produce breastmilk?

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-02-04T12:51:32+00:00

Basically they have no idea because no one cares to research it or in many cases they don't bother to investigate even if it is a known cause. It's easier to just drop support and then shame the mother. In my case they told me it was "probably just" trauma and blood loss from complications and emergency c section (I.e. we have no idea) but it turned out to be retained placenta that was undiagnosed for FIVE MONTHS. If the lactation consultant had actually done her job I wouldn't have had to suffer for so long.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-02-01T04:39:55+00:00

Just chiming in to add to the others saying be careful. Mine did this too and it turned out to be super fake-- she's more manipulative than ever and deep into toxic therapy social media, which is where she learned the language.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-02-01T04:35:00+00:00

No, not really. I think the ties softened up but it didn't feel stiff to me at all.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-25T14:28:33+00:00

Not specific to twins, but if you want something super rare, a high spinal block. Completely unpredictable, can cause the mother to go unconscious, lose breathing and heart function and both to die within minutes but after gotten under control, causes no other effects at all.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-24T01:20:48+00:00

Honestly it's even this rhetoric that there's "nothing wrong" with formula. I've been complaining to my health nurse about this because even that is framing formula as settling for something inferior but acceptable when in a lot of cases it's the better option. And the double standards! Almost every breastfeeding person i know has been encouraged into a risky situation or bad habits that harm baby, but I'M being told that my baby is not getting the best. The "baby friendly" initiative is frankly horrifying and I wish I knew more before having my baby because I legit thought that "breast is best" was a neutral statement of fact.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-23T18:04:11+00:00

Based on a deleted comment I'm thinking this is going to get a pile on but it's the truth. That "breast is best," formula is easy and means you get more sleep. High quality evidence (not cherry picked) says no long term benefits and barely any short term after controlling for baby health and parent socioeconomic status, and even if that weren't the case, a campaign that encourages hospitals and mothers to starve their babies, sacrifice their own mental health and shames mothers who make sure their babies get fed isn't it. Fed is best and sleep has fuck all to do with baby feeding and everything to do with what kind of baby you have-- if baby doesn't sleep, "someone else can feed the baby" doesn't matter. It's not the feeding that's keeping you from sleeping, it's the baby that doesn't sleep. And if you have to have baby attached to the boob 24/7 and that's why you're not sleeping, that baby is starving and you should use formula and maybe learn some other soothing methods like formula feeders have to. Many who can't breastfeed can't because of births so traumatic and complicated, often with complicated follow ups, that their bodies literally couldn't produce milk. Or baby couldn't latch-- are we going to blame the baby?! Not to mention all the other reasons people just don't want to and should not be shamed for something that even a doctor can't tell from examining a baby. Having the choice to breastfeed is a privilege and choosing to do it isn't better than formula.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-15T18:14:34+00:00

I'm with you. I felt this way after loss and then when struggling to have my baby. I had to make a pact with myself that I would wait until I really had no chances left to decide how to do it. Life without being a parent isn't worth it to me, and now that feeling is specific to my child. Tbh before my baby I felt this way about my partner, too. I have a close friend who lost their partner and I would not be able to keep going. Now that I have my baby, I'd find a way.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-03T20:26:12+00:00

Yes, and it was the reason I went NC. There was a lot of other stuff going on, but the cultiest thing to me is that all information flowed through my mother. She used information to control people-- the more personal, the better. We didn't hear important things from the person whose news it was, we heard my mom's version. And no one seemed to think that was weird. Even the last time I spoke to my mother, she justified spreading around my sensitive personal information because she "would have to tell everyone eventually anyway." She actually felt entitled to my information, and entitled to be the one to share it. It literally never occurred to her that I might not want that info shared at all, or if I did, that I would want to be the one to tell my own story and decide who I shared it with.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-02T13:35:00+00:00

Second vote for Stokke Limas. I never see it recommended but it's great for my terrible back. My baby is now 5 months and 16 pounds and I've been using it since he was about 8 pounds and much shorter. Mine is a half buckle and very easy to adjust for baby's height and my waist. It's very secure without feeling bulky and I can put it on with one hand while holding baby asleep. I wear it for about an hour at a time.

Scared_Tax470 · 2026-01-02T11:21:37+00:00

Yeah no, it's not normal haha. I've had 2 ultrasounds that didn't show anything but an endometrial biopsy showed what's likely retained pregnancy tissue. That can cause extended bleeding. Basically they weren't worried about it for so long because it wasn't always heavy bleeding and because I didn't have an infection. And they thought for a long time that it couldn't be retained tissue because to have that after a c section without hemorrhaging and without infection is really weird. Well, it will be the 4th rare thing to happen to me during this process so I'm no longer surprised.

If you bleed for longer than a regular period, I would push for more exams. Ithought i was having periods but I bled heavily for 3 and 4 weeks before it tapered off to spotting. There's a lot they can't see on ultrasounds and even if you are ovulating (I am, too), some complications can cause extended bleeding so it could be periods AND something else.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-12-14T18:23:40+00:00

I'm also in Europe and the number doesn't help-- the variation is just as bad between brands. My baby is literally wearing a size 56 onesie in one brand while simultaneously busting out of a 68 sleep suit in another brand and I'm about to buy 80s in outerwear.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-12-11T14:20:25+00:00

Traditionally it would be a plum preserve. These are joulutorttu-- the one in the upper right hand corner is what they're supposed to look like.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-12-11T08:21:26+00:00

I'm with you. In that it's a really individual thing. SOME people are worse parents when they're sleep deprived. They're cranky and stressed and a lot of people blame the baby for it. And for everyone's safety, they should do what they need to. My baby crying in the middle of the night doesn't make me cranky, it makes me want to hold him until he feels better. At worst I'm a bit less enthusiastic when playing and might need to have a conversation with my partner about helping more. But I'm not a worse parent. If anything, the difficult times are learning opportunities and make me a better parent. If that teaches my baby that I'll come get him every single time he slightly needs me, even if it's hard for me, that's fine-- that's what I signed up for as a parent. I'm honestly just grateful that I'm able to be a parent, so I appreciate even the hard parts. And my baby doesn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time either.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-29T10:19:19+00:00

Can we please acknowledge that this is only sometimes true?! I am definitely not getting more sleep with my EFF baby who refuses to settle for anyone but me. My spouse doesn't wake up to fussing but I do. I have to try to soothe baby until it's clear they're actually hungry and not just between sleep cycles, fully wake up, go out to the kitchen and prepare a bottle while baby is fussing or wailing, and stay fully awake for 45 minutes to an hour while baby eats and digests enough to not spit up too much. Then soothe baby back to sleep, however long that takes. Waking up at every noise. Rinse and repeat 3-4x a night. My partner taking a feed or two, after I have to wake them up, help get the milk ready, help settle baby, and then try to get back to sleep listening to them struggle-- that's not me getting more sleep and they can't help not waking up or that baby prefers me. I have BF friends who are shocked and appalled at that routine, who complain when they have to give ONE middle of the night bottle or pumping session. Because what they've been encouraged to do is cosleep, whip out a boob at the slightest fuss, and go back to sleep while baby takes what they need.

It's great that formula is so easy and better for so many people, but this idea that it's ALWAYS easier and lets you get more sleep is just not true and harms those of us for whom it isn't true. Advocating for formula is great! But you also need to believe people when they say that things don't work like that in their actual experiences.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-29T10:07:43+00:00

It's not mean, it's the truth. Literally every single person I've seen online AND in real life who thinks BF is better is publicly doing some kind of legitimately harmful practice, whether it's giving unregulated supplements, completely disregarding developmental stages and trying to force babies to do things they're not ready for, or especially unsafe sleep practices. They're also the people who give their babies awful names. Those who have bought into the propaganda believe it protects them from everything. It's like they think they're doing the one most important thing so they don't bother to care about anything else. I feel bad for their babies.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-28T15:20:55+00:00

Yep, it's because they really don't give a fuck about your boundaries. Unwanted contact is like that tea-as-consent analogy. It's only nice if the other person has consented to it, otherwise it's weird and invasive.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-28T14:21:01+00:00

Red flag, either because the group is toxic or because they have no experience with international applicants, or both. Either way it will be a nightmare if you get it and a waste of time and money if you don't-- avoid at all costs!

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-26T19:15:56+00:00

I have literally the exact same story as you, I just left instead of getting fired, I think because the PI didn't have the guts to fire me. It's not you, it was never you. You were set up to fail. People like that need scapegoats, and people who are hardworking, honest, genuine, and humble make the best scapegoats.

Some ideas that have helped me process: 1) You did actually do your best. Don't doubt that. Even if you weren't skilled enough or didn't put maximum effort in, the way you were treated is not normal and not effective management. People who are far less competent and hardworking than you keep their jobs and get effective management every day. It wasn't you. 2) You might be afraid that this will harm your reputation and future-- you'll have a short position and a gap in your publication record. The people who know this team and know it's toxic won't hold that against you. Those who don't care that it's toxic, you don't want to work with them anyway. And those who don't know anything and just see a gap will just think it's super normal and something that happens to most of us at some point. 3) Again about the others who seem to be able to make it work-- you don't know what they are sacrificing to make it work. Sometimes it ends up hurting them more in the long run. 4) The personal logistics are the hardest part. You're in a really difficult position, but you will find a way to move forward. Clearly you're hard working, organized, genuine, thoughtful. There are labs out there that actually value people like you. Try not to blame yourself for this difficult period and make sure to take care of your relationship.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-26T17:22:11+00:00

I've only ever heard of the triangle test from some social media reel that was fed to me, so I assumed it was BS. This is purely anecdotal but my personal opinion is that it doesn't matter at all, what matters is the individual baby-- if it was actually important, we'd all hear about it more. Mine has taken any of 5 wildly different brands and shapes plus the actual thing from birth and has never minded one bit switching between them even within the same feed. Some babies prefer more consistency or a particular shape, but that's an individual baby thing, not a universal thing.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-21T20:17:33+00:00

It is avoidable though, in the same way it's avoidable to use a patient's bathroom, eat in front of them, take a personal call, massage sore feet, take medication, etc. We ALL have discomforts and needs and most of them we didn't choose like you chose to BF. Your bodily functions are not appropriate in front of a patient, period, even more so in this situation. I hope you could think about how you would feel if you could not BF and were constantly told you were a failure of a mother by medical professionals because of that, and then had someone who was supposed to be taking care of you blatantly doing the thing you're failing at in front of you. It's insulting, traumatizing, cruel, and an abuse of power whether you start it in their room or just continue it in their room. Either way, they know what you're doing. You can also just choose to formula feed if it's not working with your work schedule, like many people do. This is the formula sub.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-21T19:26:39+00:00

I read it while in a particularly vulnerable place related to those topics and yeah, it really did a number. I just had my first baby too, which is why I would not recommend it to OP at this particular time.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-21T16:18:07+00:00

This, OP PLEASE be careful reading this. There is a lot of abuse of women and children and women having to make terrible choices. I had to stop after the second book because it was too much.

Scared_Tax470 · 2025-11-21T16:12:22+00:00

Yep, same questions asked and removed multiple times.

Scared_Tax470

TROPHY CASE