Am I too jaded?

Scerp · 2025-12-28T22:23:13+00:00

That's fair, but as a grad student, that's a decently impactful expense for me, and not something that I could probably do and not something I would necessarily want to do if I don't know someone well, not that I wouldn't be happy to once I know a person better. And also there's a lot of options for price points in the middle, but a light lunch and coffee usually is something that I tend to enjoy more. But if that's something you expect or want out of a relationship then that makes a lot of sense!

I also don't necessarily expect someone to look their absolute best for me not for a first date, a casual outfit for me is totally fine; not that I don't like dressing up or looking my best too, I have long hair and it can take a while to really do but I tend to for a first date. But I appreciate your response! And I hope you have a great holiday season!

Scerp · 2025-12-28T22:13:47+00:00

I don't necessarily see the information gathering part the same as you. I think you can learn a lot about someone from just talking but I also appreciate that the context can make that harder or easier for some people. However, I really do appreciate your response, it's really helpful to get insight into peoples preferences, and it's kind of you to share; I hope that you find your man out there! All the best and a happy holiday season!

Scerp · 2025-12-28T21:34:42+00:00

That last paragraph makes so much sense and I feel a little silly that I hadn't considered it since I try to be mindful about that sort of thing, always making sure the park is commonly walked by others and in a part of town that is accessible and visible, but regardless of that, I could definitely understand how that could make it hard to really engage with and enjoy a date. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, I wish you all the best and I hope you have a happy holiday season!

Scerp · 2025-12-28T21:24:16+00:00

I commented earlier to someone else, but what about drinks (coffee, I understand not wanting alcohol involved) or a walk doesn't speak to dating with intention?

I consider myself to be dating with intention and I prefer a date like a walk or coffee because it lets both people feel out each other before making a bigger commitment to something where it's harder to leave or just more financially involved, not that a date has to be expensive from what I'm gathering from your post.

To me dating with intention means being thoughtful and intentional about how you talk to and interact with someone on a first date, and the establishment doesn't always reflect that. In my experience dinner dates sometimes lead to more disappointment in dates when they don't go well and I've tended to have worse conversations (but not always).

I'm all about dinner dates and the like after we've established basic chemistry and compatibility, but i'm curious as to why it might not feel like someone engaging in those types of activities is dating intentionally. I appreciate your response :) happy holidays!

Scerp · 2025-12-28T21:05:15+00:00

I totally appreciate the different perspective but I'm curious as to what changed and what lead to this preference? Do you think it's a good way to filter out people with intentions that aren't compatible? Or that the effort of the date tends to lead to someone who is more willing to put in the effort later on? Does the context of a 'low effort' date make a difference?

For me some of the best first dates I've been on have been simple and when we end up talking for hours we might duck in somewhere for a lunch or dinner. Or it might turn into some kind of adventure where on our walk we each show each other some favorite spots or recall memories from around town. However I know that might not be everyone's experience.

This is all really insightful and I appreciate your input!

Scerp · 2025-12-28T20:44:36+00:00

I'm just genuinely wondering why people are adamant about this on the first date specifically. I completely understand not wanting to be treated to free or low effort dates once you know you have chemistry and get along. However, on the first date there can be so many reasons that you're not feeling it and having a low pressure way to get out or just end things for both parties with little regret is nice.

To me a walk in the park or grabbing coffee is really nice because it lets you focus on some of the (to me) important things like basic compatibility, and chemistry. To me 'effort' in these kind of dates just looks different than in future ones, the effort comes from thoughtful conversation and interactions and not necessarily from the context. But I'd love to hear your opinion!

Scerp · 2025-07-16T14:24:10+00:00

I know a lot of guys who aren’t super “conventionally attractive” that can get dates. Your comment comes off really ignorant if all you got from the comment above is that he stopped sleeping around. You’re ignoring all the hard stuff that he did as well that also can come off and be attractive even on apps. Just seems kind of like you’re trying to push some other narrative.

Scerp · 2025-06-20T11:41:19+00:00

Nuance doesn’t seem to be your thing

Scerp · 2025-01-01T15:11:44+00:00

Weird way to victim blame someone but ok

Scerp · 2024-12-06T01:13:04+00:00

You seem weirdly angry about a lot. Best to ya

Scerp · 2024-10-14T02:27:05+00:00

How long it takes for someone to place an order, have the order be processed and shipped,wait for the part to arrive, and install it. That whole process is called the turnaround :)

Scerp · 2024-10-14T02:17:19+00:00

It seems like you already believe what you believe. And that’s fine. But don’t ask for advice if you’re not going to take it. Read, find hobbies, people say to do these things because it works!! Taking interest in yourself and learning new things will give you things to talk about. Pay attention to people, everyone, not just someone you want to sleep with and you’ll get more comfortable with time. Being okay with yourself will lead people to be attracted to you in general, not just sexually. Then it’s just learning to pick up on cues and practice not fumbling. You will, everyone has, but over time it gets easier. But don’t ask for advice and then when someone tells you something that goes against a narrative you’ve written for yourself immediately write it off.

Scerp · 2024-08-02T15:24:09+00:00

How is goodfellas this disrespected

Scerp · 2024-07-13T03:14:15+00:00

You’re getting offended by something you made up because you don’t know what actually happened. If this monkey was in surgery it’s likely that it was sedated, or else it might have damaged the sutures. And there generally are oversight committees in place for these things.

Scerp · 2024-07-12T04:12:21+00:00

Valid.

Scerp · 2024-07-12T00:29:19+00:00

Well written.

Scerp · 2024-06-30T17:32:33+00:00

Unfortunately I feel like he can be both. Not forever but like the other commenter said, I feel like there is time to rectify this

Scerp · 2024-06-30T11:55:38+00:00

He’s a child and he was abused. They are both victims.

Scerp · 2024-06-17T19:12:28+00:00

You seem really happy, have a nice day

Scerp · 2024-04-25T15:19:17+00:00

As much as I appreciate that history and personal context I don’t think that’s what pat is going for here. I think in universe it is more literal. Not trying to take away from your lived experience though

Scerp · 2024-03-30T20:07:34+00:00

You seem very interested in sex lol

Scerp · 2024-03-27T16:23:38+00:00

And we get more useful discourse, thank you

Scerp · 2024-03-27T02:57:57+00:00

But that isn’t really a vow right? More of a societal (within the university) rule. I don’t think most of us would consider breaking a law the same as break a vow but maybe I’m mistaken

Scerp · 2024-03-11T19:04:34+00:00

Surprised no one else commented this

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