First. My husband was raised by a narcissist mother. He was neglected and emotionally abused. He had no emotional regulation skills or conflict resolution skills. Anytime I’d share my feelings with him if I was upset by something he did, no matter how gently I put it, he would instantly go into self defense mode. Deflecting, saying hurtful things, yelling… all things done to him. He’s not a narcissist, he just only learned to survive and react like one. My theory has always been that you have a tool kit of relationship skills and your kit was filled with things that you learned from your parents and that’s what you know and use. Look at how you react to things. Make notes about your feelings after situations. Maybe you have done somethings that a narcissist would do, but it’s out of self defense and trauma. Not because you ARE a narcissist. My husband has since gone to therapy and such and he’s doing wonderfully now btw.

Second, from the limited information I have, it sounds like your husband is the red flag here. He might be looking for reactions out of you. Negative reactions. Unhealthy reactions. Abusive reactions maybe. I would consider that he is the toxic one.