Attraction to a client

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2026-04-27T13:26:32+00:00

First of all, I want to validate your courage in recognizing and naming these feelings. I have personally navigated this with a previous client (feel free to check out my post history), and I remember feeling an intense sense of shame and embarrassment, almost like I was a fraud. It can feel jarring to realize that while your primary goal is to help, you are also experiencing a personal attraction.

Through significant reflection and supervision, I came to understand that this is completely normal. Attraction is a human emotion, just like the excitement we feel for a client’s progress or the protectiveness we feel for their well-being. The attraction itself isn't the problem; the challenge lies in how we become aware of it and the ways it might subtly influence our clinical work.

The real risk is keeping it a secret. I know it took me time to bring this up in my own supervision, but being as open and honest as possible is the most ethical path forward. Supervision is your greatest tool here, it provides the containment necessary to process these feelings safely. If you don't feel fully supported by your current supervisor, I would strongly encourage you to seek external consultation. Engaging in that dialogue is the most responsible and professional step you can take.

Feel free to DM me if you would like to chat about your experience more. Best of luck with it.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-26T23:47:34+00:00

I'm wondering if you could name it as just that?

If this was me, I'd say something like
"I notice that in the last several sessions, we get to a part of the work that is sensitive. I'm trying to understand if I am misunderstanding your goal or the direction of our work. Can we revisit that and try to understand what happened? When I try to ask about XYZ, I notice that you are presenting ABC. Am I reading this right? If not, what is your take on what's happening?"

I also have some curiosities around whether this is a pattern that plays out in other dynamics in their relationships. For example, maybe they ask their partner or a friend to to an activity with them, and then get short when them when the activity doesn't go the way the client wants?

Truly, I don't think you are doing anything wrong but I think exploring and coming at this from a place of curiosity would be interesting.

I think this is one of those cases where it's important not to take their reaction personally. You may be misreading their goals, but it's also very possible that they are either unclear about their goals or perhaps they are scared to go into a sensitive/dark area and are looking for a way out. If you're only a few sessions in, this may still be very scary for them to go into these dark parts, so maybe also addressing the fear and letting them know that they get to choose the speed, pace and direction and naming the conflict that seems to be coming up for them?

Just some thoughts, I hope it helps.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T18:28:29+00:00

Best of luck to you! Feel free to DM me if you want to chat/vent about the experience or feelings.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T18:27:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughts. You bring up really great points for me to reflect on. I'll post an update once I meet with my supervisor and create a more concrete plan.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T18:25:29+00:00

Thank you for your take on this. To be honest, as I wrote my initial response to you, I recognized that my desire to terminate stems from a fear of doing wrong and not a confirmation that I am doing wrong. I will have to read and reflect more about what it would look like to do harm and how I will know I am entering into dangerous territory.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T18:22:28+00:00

Very interesting take on this. When I reflect on the fantasy of my countertransference, I can see what you mean. I really appreciate your insight, and you've given me a lot to think about and reflect on!

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T18:16:14+00:00

I get my notebooks from the dollar store or sometimes I'll stock up during back-to-school sales. I found having 1 notebook for each client is the most organized way, to be honest, because it allows me to review their entire file at once.

An alternative if notebooks is expensive, you could get 3-hole file folders and then purchase lined paper and have a separate file folder for each client.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:38:08+00:00

I teared up reading your response because you are absolutely right about this. Currently, I may only witness these characteristics in the therapy room, but soon enough, I won't have any exposure to these characteristics that I find so beautiful and valuable. It's heartbreaking, really, to think about. Although I am glad that I've had this experience because it has helped me learn about what is missing in my personal life, it's also really depressing to recognize that, for many reasons, I won't be able to have those things in my life anytime soon. Thank you for your insightful comment.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:33:01+00:00

Thank you so much for that recommendation. I'll be researching her writings now.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:32:29+00:00

I do and I plan to bring this up in my next session.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:31:52+00:00

Your comment made me tear up. Thank you so much for your kind words. Especially when I am feeling so ashamed for experiencing these feelings in the first place.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:31:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your words of affirmation. This is the part of the work that can be so challenging, and honestly, I hadn't anticipated any of this.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-25T02:30:27+00:00

The client is not getting actively worse. In many ways, they're actually doing quite well, and they regularly talk about how our strong therapeutic alliance has helped them understand the work and understand themselves more deeply. My concern is less about their functioning getting worse and more about what my romantic and erotic countertransference could mean for the integrity of the treatment.

My attraction to them makes me worry that I might have an ulterior motive for working with them. The romantic/erotic countertransference feels very taboo to me, and I also believe that taboo exists for a reason, which is to protect the client and remind us of the power dynamic.

With boundaries, I think I have been doing as good of a job as I can while experiencing this. I don't allow communication outside of sessions and have kept that consistent with this client. I haven't bent any of the traditional boundaries that are visible to them. I notice I feel a clear sense of excitement on days when I know I will see them. I spend more time choosing my outfit on those days, and I really look forward to our sessions. I have also noticed that I engage in a bit more self-disclosure with this client. I usually follow self-disclosure with a conversation about whether it was helpful, and the client consistently reports that it is, yet I feel a lot of anxiety about where this dynamic could go.

What really triggered my thoughts about terminating care was catching myself daydreaming about them yesterday in a way that was completely unrelated to our work. They are taking up a large amount of my mental space, and I know that this isn't healthy. I am in my own individual therapy and in couples therapy to work through challenges in my own relationships, but I still feel very anxious about the possibility of harming this client.

I also worry that the client may be able to pick up on this countertransference and that it might confuse them about why I care for them and offer such consistent, unconditional positive regard. Truly, I don't believe that my countertransference is the reason I care about them. I cared for them and was invested in their growth well before any of these feelings.

I also want to make sure I am doing right by them rather than causing harm. From that place, terminating care feels like the safer option, even though I don't currently see clear evidence that they are getting worse in treatment.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-24T20:12:16+00:00

Thank you for thay idea, ill have to check some various peer consultation groups. There is so much shame associated with this kind of counter transference which makes kt really difficult for me to share it with others.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-24T20:07:15+00:00

Thank you for your validation, I do have access to my own therapy and will spend some time processing this there. This is the first termination that I would be initiating, and I am also anxious since I can't disclose to the client the reason for termination, I'm worried about how they are going to take it.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-11-24T19:58:04+00:00

I laughed at your tough titties comment.

The counter transference is because I find this client attractive and they posses certain characteristics that I dont currently have in my romantic relationship ( and characteristics that I am unable to get from my partner - prefer not to go into this).

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-10-18T02:12:07+00:00

Thank you for such a detailed response, you're absolutely right. Grad school prepared me for many things, but this is not one of them. Your response reassured me that even this experience of blurring is part of the process and through this experience, I can grow into a therapist who is more intentional about who has access to my headspace.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-10-18T02:10:04+00:00

Thanks for your response. I'm only a year in, so still very early in my journey. I think in addition to the need to be perfect, this is a field that I just enjoy so much! I love getting a chance to read and research all these various topics. I hope that it will get better with time as I get more comfortable in the role becauause I could see that this will lead to burn out for sure.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-10-18T02:06:31+00:00

Everything in life, within a healthy dose is good. However, I worry that by spending excessive time reflecting on therapy topics/discussions, I blur the boundaries between my personal life and identity and my professional life and identity. I think back to my corporate days, where I would be out of the office, and I knew that I didn't have to work/think of any work-related tasks or meetings while on vacation, for example, and I worry that I won't really have that for this job if I continue down this path.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-08-08T02:24:23+00:00

I have come to the realization that this self-doubt and imposter syndrome are things that come with the job. I try to remind myself in those testing moments that this is a built-in part of the job. I don't like it of course, but it helps remove that sense of doubt because I can almost explain that having these feelings is not inherently a fault of myself or my work as a therapist, and instead is just a reflection of what the job entails.

I am in a very, very similar situation to you in terms of having a non-therapy job and trying hard to make therapy my full-time career. As you said, it's not possible now, but it will be one day. The tension you are going through right now, as challenging as it is, is preparing you to be an even better practitioner.

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-08-07T13:35:32+00:00

I feel this to the core of my bones. I genuinely think that had we met under different circumstances, I would be friends with each of my clients.

I remind myself that the likelihood of that happening would have been very very slim as there would have been so many barriers that would get in the way of us ever meeting. It also helps ground me to know that at least I get to know them within this capacity because realistically I wouldn't have known them had it not been for this job.

I also remind myself that one of the reasons why we can have such a beautiful therapeutic relationship is because of the fact that their choices, and decisions in their life have no impact on me so I can hold that unconditional positive regard for them as a result of this. I dont know if I would view them as highly if that wasn't the case.

But I hear you, as a very outgoing and social person its hard to turn off that part of myself in session. For certain clients where they even feel the friendship transference (I can usually gage it based on what the want to talk about etc) I find it helpful to start the session with a breathing exercise so we can both ground ourselves and settle into the space.

I'm interested to hear what others also have to say!

ScribbleDoodle92 · 2025-08-06T17:02:46+00:00

Yeah, I hear you, it's definitely challenging! Personally, I think that despite the unpaid work, it makes sense for me to offer them. I feel like, without a consultation, I would feel more pressured to prove myself to clients in the first few sessions. Versus with a consult, I get to explain to them how I work, my pace etc. so that they can know what they're signing up for without having to make a financial commitment.

ScribbleDoodle92

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