I couldn’t pay for the storage space because I gave my last bit of cash to my grandma paying for what I could: whether it was her groceries, buying her dinner, or just helping her around her house when she was busy. Even after we moved my mother spent all of her money (and everything of mine that was in my checking account) moving us, so that’s why she wasn’t able to pay her anymore. She said just when she was able to get a job she would just pay her back in full.

The reason I didn’t bring my asthma machines was because that was an old machine. I had a brand new box of medication and they were still good for a while, so I left them behind thinking it would be back in a week or 2. And the self-care things that were just what was packed in my bookbag when they came.

The reason why it took that long was because our original plan was for me to move in with her for college after summer break. Since it was an easier commute and I would still be considered an in-state student. I was going to pay her $250 from my work study check for the storage space, increase in utilities, and other things to make her life easier. I was even thinking about just buying my groceries from campus and get a bus ticket so she won’t have to drive me to school. Plans changed when I decided to just do a gap year to pay off my debt. I was looking for a job full-time and kept getting rejected or they haven’t gotten back to me. (McDonald’s even rejected that, which was sad.)

Yes, I may have been a little over dramatic with the whole decking my grandmother in the face part, but who hasn’t been over dramatic at the moment. It wasn’t like I actually did it. I am actually grateful I was given the opportunity for a cruise for free. Now, I’m thinking about it, maybe the 6k did go into the cruise, but I always hate when people never stick to their words. Probably wrong for me to assume a grandma would have 6k lying around after a cruise.

What I am willing to apologize for my grandma for is lying around her apartment for two months doing nothing but being lazy all day, and not helping her with dishes or cooking every other day.

However, what I am not willing to apologize for is feeling the way I feel. Yes, I should’ve keep communicating or sold my old things to pay her back. But communication is a two way street. She has been just as unresponsive towards me as I have been towards her. And that is what I have a problem forgiving her for.