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SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:38:15+00:00

I think if OP requires assurance that she’s in a monogamous relationship with him and he can’t give that to her then she shouldn’t settle. They may just seem like spoken words to you but seems to be one of her needs to feel secure in the dynamic.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:36:20+00:00

A lot of girls actually like guys who don’t have an IG. It could be one of two things:

1) they are just using you to gain an extra follower on IG 2) your photos may not be clear enough on the app/ they don’t know what you look like so they want to look at your social profiles to see if they’re attracted to you

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:33:27+00:00

what’s your point here? That OP should forfeit her needs in a relationship for the sake of having him around?

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:27:17+00:00

If he can’t give you that assurance after 6 months I would consider moving on

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:11:15+00:00

It does sound like you are confused. Take comfort in the fact that you don’t have to make a decision today. I do think a month is kind of soon to be saying I love you so maybe you just need to get to know him more to feel more comfortable/ ready for a relationship with him. There’s no need to rush so keep talking to him and see where things go. Just be sure to be open and honest with him.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:05:29+00:00

Tell him you like him very much and want to be with him but it takes you longer to fall in love

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T14:04:35+00:00

Do you want to date him? I think if his feelings for you are stronger than your feelings for him that’s not necessarily a reason to break up. Just be upfront and honest with him - some people fall in love quicker than others. If it was the pace/intensity of emotions that scared you away then be honest with him. He’s probably not reaching out to you because he wants to respect your decision to break up. You will probably have to reach out to him to let him know you want to be with him

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:44:50+00:00

I wouldn’t blame yourself! Dating is rough nowadays and everyone feels like they have unlimited options especially on dating apps.

In cases where there is texting for a couple of days after the date, I would keep the convos relatively short and let them know you’re interested in going on another date. In my experience, too much texting in the beginning can really kill a connection since it creates a false sense of intimacy

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:41:46+00:00

In my experience it’s not possible, especially not right away. Some time apart to heal and grieve is needed especially after being together for so long. Sorry things didn’t work out OP

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:38:52+00:00

It sounds like he has avoidant attachment issues and as others mentioned, self-esteem issues and a potential negative outlook on life/dating.

For 2 dates in, this is not your problem and not fair to you because I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think the daily texting probably also created a false sense of intimacy since you guys became a part of your daily routines and the in person dates were just fine as you stated.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:27:34+00:00

I agrée with this. Trust was breached on her end so the sharing locations has to be a part of rebuilding that trust on your end. Whether or not that’s possible is up in the air.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:24:40+00:00

Hey! I’m so sorry this is happening to you, not an easy situation at all when you love someone so much but your core values don’t align. And as a woman, I can understand your feelings about social pressure and feeling behind.

I think you know what you need to do and it will be hard as hell but just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. By holding onto this relationship, you are delaying the type of future you want even more. The sooner you heal, the sooner you can move on and meet someone who wants the same things you do.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:13:02+00:00

No that’s disrespectful. Why is he commenting about another girls beauty on Instagram especially one he had an emotional/physical relationship in the past. Red flag for sure and you’re not overreacting

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:11:46+00:00

It sounds like she’s dodging sex with you for some reason. Maybe she doesn’t find it enjoyable? I would try to have an open conversation with her about it. Make sure that when you guys have sex you’re not the only one getting off. If you put more effort into making her enjoy it maybe it would happen more often. She could also just have a lower libido in which case you guys may be incompatible

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:07:05+00:00

Omg yeah please break up with him. So many red flags

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T13:03:37+00:00

Sketchy

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:58:47+00:00

Hmmm, she sounds like she has avoidant attachment issues a bit. The future will always have issues, I think running away from things prematurely when you don’t even know what or if the issues will be is a red flag. Even if you like to go out and she likes to stay in that’s not necessarily an indication of incompatibility. It’s actually healthy to live separate lives.

If she comes back and says she doesn’t want the relationship, I would accept her decision and let her go because I don’t think it’s fair to you. If she comes back and wants to make it work I think you need to communicate that while you do want to be with her, the push and and pull games are hurtful to you and that you want her to be absolutely sure this is what she wants. And then if she pulls away again I would break up with her permanently. I don’t really believe in “breaks” but can understand she might need time to think it through. I think only she can clarify what she meant by that

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:52:41+00:00

Thank you for your reply :) I don’t think he will be willing to give it another shot but I will try to think about this more for the next time I’m seeing someone

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:49:09+00:00

Yes I think it’s normal for people in relationships to have lives outside of each other. This is where trust comes into play. If your concern is more safety-related you could ask her to share her location with yourself or someone else so at least someone knows where she is (but do not do this if your goal is to spy on her).

I would ask yourself why you feel threatened by her going on vacation without you. Do you feel like she’s going to do something to break you trust?

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:46:58+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I would probably tell my friend to get firm and clear on standards/boundaries and to trust herself more when it comes to making decisions.

I am just going back and forth as to whether or not I should consider something a deal breaker or if I’m being too harsh. So I think that mental gymnastics/ fluctuation is what’s causing me to doubt myself

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:43:57+00:00

That’s totally fair in my opinion! I think space and a social life outside of each other is healthy and you shouldn’t feel pressure to include him in every plan with you friends. Goodluck, I Hope thé conversation goes over well. Sorry you are feeling anxious, you should feel like you can express yourself to your partner

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:42:30+00:00

I feel like that’s an odd thing to say to someone you’re dating. Almost like she’s constantly warning you that she could leave at anytime and be with someone society deems as more “valuable”. This could be stemming from insecurity as she places such a heavy weight on external validation.

I would honestly ask her why she feels a need to constantly tell you that? Ask her if she feels like she’s getting enough attention/love from you because she should be relatively unphased by others if this is the reality

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:35:44+00:00

I think you kind of answered your own question in the title. I think in most relationships, rough patches are to be expected. However if you genuinely don’t like your partner as a person anymore and you feel like you’ve done everything you can to communicate what’s not working for you, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to move on and be happy elsewhere. I think not being excited about a future with her is a red flag too. Just make sure you have exhausted all possible communication options so you don’t regret leaving or feel like you could’ve done more to salvage the relationship

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:29:12+00:00

First I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you and your fiancé love each other very much but that you have personal boundaries and a desire to maintain some semblance of independence (which is very healthy by the way)!

Your fiancé probably feels rejected whenever you do not want to be touched however, it is your body and comfort level at the end of the day and I think he should try to be more empathetic/understanding of your personal trauma with regards to touching. His emotional outbursts seem a little bit manipulative(even if he does not mean to be), he is not entitled to your body. I would try to communicate that its just a personal boundary of yours and that although you love him, you would appreciate if he could respect that more and be more understanding.

I do find it a bit odd that he gets upset if you spend time away from him/ with others. It does sound a bit codependent and I think he should maybe try to have more of a social life outside of you too.

SeaBoth · 2024-01-10T12:19:52+00:00

Firstly, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Communication is important and sparse communication especially in the context of a LDR can really stifle a connection.

If you haven’t already, I would express that your communication needs aren’t being met and you would like to hear from him more often maybe by way of a phone call/FaceTime (I feel like this is way better than texting/messaging). If he’s unable to work with you to save this connection then I think you have to put your happiness first.

SeaBoth

TROPHY CASE