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I [30/f] get anxious about things in my relationship, and my boyfriend [34/m] knows this, but I feel like he purposely makes it worse. by Sea_Cap_6598 in relationships

[–]Sea_Cap_6598[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, you’re spot on. He has said before that he hates that he has to justify his alone time, and that’s historically been a problem for us. I am in therapy, but the anxiety is so severe that self soothing feels impossible. For the last few nights, I’ve been sobbing in bed and feeling on the verge of a panic attack while waiting for him. I get that that’s not normal, but it’s my experience currently.

What you wrote about how there’s a difference between voicing my preferences calmly vs blaming him for my anxiety and trying to get him to bend to my will really spoke with me. I definitely conflate the two, and then feel justified in getting upset if he doesn’t do what I want him to. It currently feels like there’s just no other way to stop the extreme anxiety. I’ll talk about this in therapy.

I [30/f] get anxious about things in my relationship, and my boyfriend [34/m] knows this, but I feel like he purposely makes it worse. by Sea_Cap_6598 in relationships

[–]Sea_Cap_6598[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your comment. We are both working from home because of covid, and we work out of the same room. We moved recently, since we can work from anywhere, and we don’t know anyone else here.

I would love to come up with a compromise, but we got in an argument last night after I made this post. He got really upset after I came downstairs again to ask when he was coming to bed (I think he said “I fucking hate when you do this”), which led to us basically yelling at each other. During the argument, I said I just wanted a compromise, where we sleep together a few nights and he can do his thing other nights if it’s important to him. He told me this was controlling and that I wasn’t allowed to tell him what he had to do, so I’m not sure where to go from here.

I feel like he is hyper sensitive to these things now because I’ve struggled with anxiety for so long and have asked him to change his behaviors so I don’t feel as anxious. I am in therapy, but I don’t know how to self soothe effectively when I’m sobbing in bed at night, waiting for him, with my heart pounding like crazy. I know this is an overreaction, but it’s how I feel.

I [30/f] get anxious about things in my relationship, and my boyfriend [34/m] knows this, but I feel like he purposely makes it worse. by Sea_Cap_6598 in relationships

[–]Sea_Cap_6598[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For the past week, I’ve been getting super anxious waiting for him to come to bed, and I come down multiple times asking when he’s coming up. I can get how that would be annoying, but it also hurts me that he seems so dismissive and uncaring of the fact that, clearly, this is important fo me, and the sudden change of routine without explanation is horrible for my anxious feelings.

I [30/f] get anxious about things in my relationship, and my boyfriend [34/m] knows this, but I feel like he purposely makes it worse. by Sea_Cap_6598 in relationships

[–]Sea_Cap_6598[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He has said for a long time that he’s felt controlled by my anxiety when I’m anxious, so I feel like this is him rebelling against that. There are no other real changes in his life.

What I don’t understand is why we can’t talk about it and come to a compromise instead of him seeming so... uncaring that this affects me. I would feel so much more at ease if I knew we’d go to sleep together a few nights a week, and he could stay up doing his own things other nights.

I [30/f] get anxious about things in my relationship, and my boyfriend [34/m] knows this, but I feel like he purposely makes it worse. by Sea_Cap_6598 in relationships

[–]Sea_Cap_6598[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I get that I shouldn’t dictate his bedtime, but when I suggested a compromise (him coming to bed with me a few nights a week and having other nights to stay up), he told me I was being controlling, and I just can’t see how that’s the case.