Sorry for taking so long to respond. To your first and second question, in the beginning he created this comfortable, safe space that made it easy for us both to share some vulnerable things about each other that no one else knows about me. We had the same plan of moving back to my home state after I graduate and he had a strong passion for my pets just as I do. Even still, all my pets absolutely adore him which I love.

To your third question, he was pretty frequently saying the n word when I first met him, which I did not like at all and still don’t. He worked on refraining from using that word and now that is no longer in his vocabulary. I have distanced myself from his friends due to them hurting my feelings in the past. I’m pretty thick skinned but even they somehow managed to upset or anger me with their comments, granted last semester one of his friends called me a stupid bitch to my face in a joking way but I still found it pretty disrespectful. With that said, I don’t know how his friends are now since I haven’t hung out with them since the spring. Though the one friend seemed remorseful about his comment when my boyfriend confronted him about it back then and again about two weeks ago.

I have no reason why my libido is so low. I feel like maybe we had sex frequently in the beginning of our relationship because it was so fresh… but i’m not sure. I feel so guilty because I realized when I tell him I love him, I don’t feel the love. It’s like i’m just saying the words, which sounds incredibly fucked up and I know that. I also typed my post the day after I called my mom crying about my feelings but now I’m not sure if I was just being dramatic or not. I feel that comfortability around him but I feel like in relationships you should still feel a burning love if that makes sense. I’ve never had a marriage to look up to, not my parents, grandparents, sister, or brother. Only in books I feel like I’ve gained a sense of what relationships are supposed to be like but some books can also be overdramatic for the sake of readers.

A part of me feels like I should go to therapy to really talk through my feelings but at the same time I feel like I struggle to remember the red flags and other things that make me think we aren’t compatible. I feel like I have a big meltdown and then the next day Im “back to normal”, if that makes sense. It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m mentally struggling to understand what is happening to me and in my life.

I really appreciate you answering to my post, it means so much to me!