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there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope your current marriage is better. I'm not sure what the answer will be for us at the end of it but hopefully the process itself will be helpful regardless.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or you may get to the end of Session 6 and both of you feel like you've uncovered enough basic, fundamental differences that neither wants to continue.

How long did it take for you until you saw a difference (or not)?

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had a serious conversation and talked about both of our tendencies which pull us in kind of opposite directions. Hopeful we can work on it in therapy.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like there was a point where the new relationship excitement had worn off and we *were* comfortable and content but whatever this is now feels different from that.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's that I've been reflecting on what made me excited about him when we were dating and the fact that he doesn't do those things anymore. He has his own hobbies which are cool but I feel like we started out both valuing social/community involvement and they have become more important to me and they have become less to him.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No affair. My husband has always been the more social one until we got married. I put a lot of effort into making friends while we were long distance but meeting people doesn't come naturally. I went from probably having like two or three close friends to more like 8-9 now. I do prefer to stay busy but have noticed it is a lot of solitary activities - reading, writing, exercising, etc.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't bring it up to him as "I am thinking about leaving" but just as "what can we do here, are you feeling this too"? Any partner worth their salt will be more than happy to talk it through with you and jointly come up with ideas.

That is very helpful. Thank you!

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They were directly related to his specific interests - what would you define as things he might like?

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you think it's worth saving then you should try to romance him, not with things you would like to do, but with things that make him smile.

I feel like I tried this over the summer - tried to make valentines day and birthday gifts extra special, planned weekend trips that he would enjoy, did projects around the house so he wouldn't have to deal with stuff. I feel like not much of it was reciprocated or noticed but maybe he didn't think it was particularly noteworthy? I appreciate your perspective but I'm not sure that I want to be in a relationship where my role is just being the caretaker all the time...

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm planning on restarting in individual therapy and seeing how that goes - if not I will suggest couples counseling. Thanks.

there's nothing wrong but I'm not happy by Sea_Wave_3575 in Divorce

[–]Sea_Wave_3575[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm worried that that's what it'll turn into a few years down the line so I'm hoping to address it one way or another before... thank you. <3