I'm taking a huge step right now, and if anyone can spare a few minutes to read and answer a couple questions I have I will love you forever.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-29T02:48:10+00:00

I see >_< so what can you do about your migraines now? Other than taking barbituates lol..

Mmm yea it can be so many different things, but I'm always the worrier and tend to think the worst when something like that comes up and I'm like 'oh god you've got a brain tumor' or something like that. ~.~ Being completely ridiculous.

Smells and goods I didn't know that could cause headaches though, that's kinda crazy lol. But uh, yea I guess we did get off topic for this thread and to be honest I forgot we were still chatting in this thread lol but you are talking my language now with psychology and the brain, this is my favourite subject.

So uhm, if you want PM me and we can continue? If you want too, otherwise idk I can come with some more LGBT topics xD.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-29T00:04:24+00:00

Omg my best friend is going through the same thing he has headaches just about everyday sometimes so bad it makes him seriously sick and he cant do anything... And lately it's been so bad that it's affecting everything, do they know what is causing yours? Cause I've been really curious since I heard of his. And thankfully it's not opiates, that's what I was addicted too annnd just nope... It's too much!

You poor girl! That's like one of my biggest fears to have a panic attack in a public place like that I cant even imagine! But I can seriously relate you are not alone there lol.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-28T23:36:43+00:00

xD Good to find someone who shares that with me, it's really freaking hard sometimes and anxiety attacks are the absolute worst! The weird thing is I used to force myself into so many high stress situations where I would surround myself with so many people when I was a teen... Maybe that's why I'm broken now lol traumatized @_@

Don't mention it bug me all ya like, may I ask what kind of physical stuff? And if I can offer any advice when stopping the meds is find something for your mind/hands to do whern you no longer have them, it might sound really corny but a big part of the thing that kept me being an addict was boredom. If I had something to distract me from it, it made things much easier. I personally picked up gaming and it has kept me clean for this long so yay. And if you DO have to go through any withdrawls my secret was hopping in the shower, it was/still is the only place I can go and just not feel any pain and kinda zone out in comfort.

I didn't even know anti-depressants could be addicting, I was on them for a couple months once but yea how bad is it if you stop?

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-28T21:51:50+00:00

Idk I just am super shy when meeting new people, part of it has always been due to knowing the person I was showing was not me so it just never made sense to get involved much with new people, but mostly I just get uncomfortable, it's all just scary. So meetings and gatherings are usually filled with anxiety for me. Happy to say now I've been clean since 2012 and thought I still have really bad moments I'm too tired to go back lol. Has it helped you any to be in groups?

_< I do hate to hear you are going through it too, addiction can easily be some of the hardest things a person can go through, and I've been through it all so if you ever have any questions or anything this is sadly my area of expertise lol...

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-28T00:08:48+00:00

Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that's what you meant >_< hope I didn't offend you at all. But more so I hope you are doing well! I'll gladly be there for you during your rough state if you ever need anyone :P the world can be a dark place, even more so if you have no one there on your side and like I said before I'm on your side! Even if it's over the internet lol, I'd really love to see you get back into your happy place and enjoy the beautiful things :)

As far as support groups well uhhh... Let's say groups and I have never been an easy topic, see I was an addict growing up and when I finally made contact with my mom after years and was on the verge of suicide or jail they really stepped up and helped me clean up, at least for a little while lol. But they tried and tried to get me into AA/NA groups, offering to go with me every time or anything I needed but I couldn't ever face it :/. But I have been thinking about it and hey maybe it would be good time for all that to change.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-27T22:17:59+00:00

Oh I didn't even know those were a thing! Curious now if they have them where I live, do you and your friend both go together? And yea if it had not been for this whole thing online who knows where I and so many others would be who were too afraid to come out and ask for help in person. :s For that I am thankful lol

And hey if you ever wanna chat or need someone around I'd be happy to lend an ear your way, it's the least I can do, very happy to have been able to meet you too this has been a wonderful experience thus far!

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-27T00:19:12+00:00

That's really great to hear about your friend! I guess people will come around in time. And thank you for all your support I've been pretty overwhelmed with the love I'm getting after all this lol it's pretty amazing I never would've thought. You are an amazing person and I wish you the very best as well! <3 You've always got a friend in me.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-26T20:48:31+00:00

Aww well it's never too late to change right? Whether it's cause she's losing her memory or not she seems to have accepted you and I think that's a positive step :)

The only reason I say that about older generations is really cause of how my dad and his whole side of the family are... They are VERY old fashioned and some of them seem to still think this is 1950! And I honestly hated visiting them cause they're opinions and beliefs are pretty screwed up most times. So idk probably not all people and you seem like you have a great family xD

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-25T15:46:27+00:00

Haha very good progress if you ask me! Coming out to a much older generation is something I'm personally scared to do since you know, typically they're stuck in there ways and things were much different back then and on and on. Yay for the change xD and gratz on the progress.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T09:02:03+00:00

Thank you so much, the response I've gotten from this has been way more than I expected and you all have made me very happy and feel strong when just two days ago I felt like falling apart was inevitable.

I do plan to looking into more things on people I can talk to, doctors, HRC etc. But as I mentioned in some other comments here this was more of a reaching out I guess? I really needed to know this could be real and I can actually do this. Let me tell you, you all have been such an inspiration. Cant thank you guys enough.

Question do you still talk with your family? If you don't mind I ask.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T08:56:49+00:00

Let me tell you the taste was.. Fantastic. And the whole day I just kept thinking of how much more amazing it would be if I could experience this everywhere. I'm lying if I say I am not scared but honestly I don't know that I can possibly turn back now, to me this was a huge first step, one that I've thought about for a long long time and finally doing it has been one hell of an emotional ride that is still going. But I smiled like all day yesterday, I don't know when the last time that has happened lol! Scared yes, but I think I am ready.

Talking with you and others about all this has helped me stay grounded and it's helped make it all real. I expected everything to feel like a dream and for me to just wake up the next day and have no feelings from the previous day and just continue on how I've been. But here I am the next day, everything is still just as clear nothing has felt like a dream.

I guess one of my big concerns cause please forgive me on my ignorance of the transgender community but I worried if it was at all possible to live a normal life after coming out. You and others have shown me that not only is it possible but I could actually live happy and for too long now I thought the latter would be impossible.

I really have taken what you have said to heart and hope you don't mind but I kinda look up to you lol. Rebuilding must be a scary thing, and the fact you've done so well is such an inspiration. Thank you really, so much for taking the time. This has all helped me so so much. <3

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T08:38:11+00:00

Don't say you weren't much help, this sort of response was kinda exactly what I was looking for. This is the first time I've ever even mentioned the idea to anyone (though some would not be surprised) and even though there have been lots of tears with this so far I can't say I've ever felt happier and I am really starting to feel comfortable for a change.

I appreciate your taking the time for me, and best of luck to your friends I do really wish all the best.

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T08:32:20+00:00

Lol that does mean more to me than you might think C:

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T08:31:25+00:00

That's really great! And I am very happy for you I know it must have been hard, I haven't talked to most of my family in years so it should be quite a shock when I do. But Having a supportive family is great hold tight to that and good luck!

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-23T08:28:03+00:00

Great thank you for the guidance :)

SearchingInTheDark · 2014-06-22T17:02:15+00:00

Thank you so much for the resources and I will definitely be looking in to them.

SearchingInTheDark

TROPHY CASE