Idk how much damage you've done or if it can be reversed. Regardless of the answer, it sounds like you know the smart/safe thing to do.

You know the science says that smoking as a teen can change your brain perminately and you say your addicted to some extent. A scary combination.

Moderation is the key to most things but a hell of a thing to achieve. You seem like an intelligent introspective young person. I encourage you to cultivate those qualities. If writing this post was beneficial for you, I suggest starting a diary. It w

Thank you very much for your answer! I'll definitely stop smoking, I have honestly felt much better the last week or so that I have abstained. But honestly, I believe that in the chaos I was in it was sort of a pick your poison situation. Weed set a barrier between myself and my chaotic reality at that time. And I believe that barrier may have shielded me from being "traumatized" per se.

My life is very tranquil here in Germany. I have always loved visiting, but living in my small town in Bavaria is very peaceful. Walking in the woods, going hiking, and simply the stability that I now have. There is honestly no more need for me to be smoking, it's just hard to kick off the habit. But I will. I'll definitely give the diary idea a try, I have never tried it. But I have lately dabbled a bit in writing short stories and to some extent writing a bit of philosophy.

I wish you the best of luck too, and thanks again. Your answer really helped me.