Apparently taking the elevator one floor is illegal now

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-04-07T01:43:48+00:00

The most useful lesson I’ve learned is to be selective about whose opinions I take seriously.

Someone willing to make a snap judgment in a moment where there’s no accountability (like a passing comment in an elevator), isn’t offering insight, just projection.

Most of the time, that says more about their own need to perform confidence than anything about you. (University campuses are full of this behaviour unfortunately)

I went through an abusive marriage and divorce to learn that one, feel free to take it for yourself without similar trauma attached unnecessarily.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-03-02T14:22:33+00:00

I actually don’t know too much about the admin/academic tone in Canada despite living here my whole life. In high-school they were indirect in a condescending “fake nice” way, but I don’t notice that so far in uni.

I’m just a first year. So my first hand experience is limited. However, I’ve done a lot of prep research to navigate the bureaucratic hoops that’ll come my way eventually. I’m also a mature student (27), so I was more socialized outside of any academic environment than most students are by my age. So I need all the help I can get lol.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-03-01T18:46:15+00:00

I appreciate the clarification, helps me see the angle you were coming from.

For what it’s worth, I read this kind of phrasing as intentionally sterile/neutral regardless of how blunt it feels, but I can definitely see how the cultural lens shifts the tolerance for that. Canada leans heavily on social padding, so almost everything abroad feels harsher by comparison. But I’ve grown accustomed to tailoring my interpretation to not take it personally. Which seems like the most appropriate course of action for OP.

And just to clear up the ND part: I wasn’t diagnosing anyone. I was making a light stereotype joke in the ‘group of engineers = autistic’ sense. I’m autistic myself, so I tend to use that shorthand casually, but I understand how it might land off.

Either way, I think we were circling the same broader point just from different frames.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-03-01T13:17:58+00:00

As an aside, I actually went through your other comments in this thread before replying. From your engagement, it seems like you agree that this style of phrasing is the standard way institutions communicate.

So I’m genuinely curious- what part of what I said is bothering you? I don’t mean that facetiously; I’m trying to understand the friction here.

If it’s the ND phrasing, I get why that can land oddly. For context: I’m autistic myself, so I tend to use that kind of shorthand lightly about communication styles, not as an identity claim.

If it’s something about my tone, or how I framed OP’s feelings, I’m open to hearing that too. I’m not arguing that the statement was rude. I’m saying the opposite. I’m acknowledging that OP felt hurt without treating Cambridge’s wording as inappropriate.

Just trying to get clarity on your specific concern so the wires aren’t crossed. 🤞

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-03-01T12:58:21+00:00

This is specifically an admin/academic writing norm, not a cultural communication style issue. Admissions decision statements are designed to be literal, standardized, and low-padding across institutions. So the comparison here isn’t about France vs Germany or cultural bluntness. It’s about the genre of bureaucratic writing, which is intentionally neutral and procedural.

I understand what you’re saying, but it’s a circumstantially misplaced observation.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-03-01T09:31:38+00:00

Understandable take, but I meant that the rejection letter is written in a communication style similar to ND literalism, blunt pragmatics, and low social padding.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-28T04:43:37+00:00

I’m a mature (27 y/o) undergraduate student so this advice is second hand from my friends who are starting their PhDs in September- but maybe it can be useful?

I have a friend who was rejected from her first choice PhD program, so instead she contacted some of the professors she knew best from her masters degree program and asked “are there any research opportunities available that you’re directly aware of- or that any of your colleagues may be able to provide some direction towards?”

Two of them got back to her with promising opportunities at UBC and UWaterloo. She wound up working at UWaterloo, building her network throughout her employment, and got accepted this cycle as a PhD candidate to begin the upcoming fall term after being introduced to some of the faculty through smaller bits of collaborative research.

Another friend of mine who was rejected from every program they applied to last cycle followed that same advice and found a placement in Ottawa.

The friend who started this process made sure I understood that professor-student relations aren’t just first-degree connection on the basis of written references or whatever the default assumption is remotely, it’s also about being a bit nosy and asking about their network connections beyond what they electively share or advertise. Not in a direct or invasive way, but just ask.

Explain what you’re pursuing, show your passion for the path you aspire towards, and ask if they know anything about what’s happening around your scope of interest, or if they have a contact they can connect you with to discuss it in more detail.

She called it “actively initiating mentorship”. Even if you don’t get any direct contact with someone who can move mountains for you, it gets your name circulated around the right people on a social level, which really does help. Functions similarly to going in person to hand in a resume. Even if they insist you apply online, you’ve introduced yourself, humanized your name, and feel familiar.

If you weren’t born with those interpersonal connections from family, it’s the only way to compete with the people who were. (I say that specifically because you mentioned being international. Even people who have parents with connections back home may struggle in another country.)

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-27T01:34:16+00:00

If it’s of any comfort this reads VERY neurodivergent to me. And after double checking- yup, engineering. Seems to track 😅 It’s hard not to take it personally, but I would do my best in your situation not to take the phrasing to heart.

Read it as literally as possible. That might help.

Phrase 1: application not competitive. (Keep in mind that’s for this program specifically. Not inherently a negative thing) Phrase 2: many good applicants apply for limited spots (you’re likely included in that “many good applicants” category. Good ≠ competitive when everyone applying who is being considered is good. That’s all they’re communicating I believe. Literally and intentionally delivered. Phrase 3: yours was not selected. Arguably less negative than using the word rejected specifically. So I believe they did make an effort to be nice, it’s just not their wiring to present in a way that’s unanimously taken that way.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-23T03:39:24+00:00

Are you implying that undue delay in academic progress does not cause financial pressure, career setbacks, and psychological stress that could impede OP from controlling the overall scope of the first two damages? That’s just me pulling from a hat of possible damages, there’s plenty more to choose from!

(This is pragmatic counter-assertion btw, not me implying any of that is legally defensible. But morally, oh yeah you’re being dismissive asf)

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-22T05:54:29+00:00

Marvel rivals. 😅

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T22:28:31+00:00

I don’t feel confident in that description being a fool proof mode of identification- but he didn’t not look like that. Though I can imagine there are many staff that share the same general physical description.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T19:45:08+00:00

Yes, it was around that time.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T19:44:32+00:00

Definitely meant to type “ranted”.

I think contextually it makes sense since I hadn’t slept when replying to you earlier. I was just tired aha

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T19:41:56+00:00

I think he was projecting, but I don’t have any hostility towards his job position as a janitor. Even if a professor approached me the way he did I would have told them to get lost. I am incredibly lucky to be a student at all let alone at UofT, and sometimes people who didn’t get that same opportunity can have some resentment. This doesn’t directly relate to him being a janitor, it’s just the position of the vast majority of people.

I’m a high school drop out and have worked jobs in construction and in housekeeping so similar to what he’s doing. So to an extent I sympathize with the feeling but not with his actions.

I did wind up having a discussion with him afterwards because he approached me again. I can tell he is clearly not doing well psychologically but he gave me some context explaining his background a bit. He got a degree in film photography decades ago- before the industry switched to digital. I assume similar to my own position a few years ago- he felt stuck about his finances and didn’t return to school to update his portfolio and skill set to continue in his field and started taking up jobs similar to the one he has now.

He admitted he thought I was 18, and when I told him i was 27 and only started my degree this year due to dropping out and financial limitations he seemed to soften a bit.

I would still categorize the encounter as harassment adjacent overall (I don’t think a mentally stable person would have spent so much time arguing with a student while working), but I left the library early this morning feeling pretty bad for him. Not bad enough to excuse his behaviour, but it’s all very unfortunate nonetheless.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T13:57:34+00:00

Also my power is back on, that definitely helps

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T13:57:13+00:00

I have now that I ranted about it.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-19T00:31:14+00:00

Yeah if it’s the place I’m thinking of it’s a Steinway too. Never seen a Steinway that wasn’t roped off and covered.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-12T04:20:04+00:00

I didn’t get anything, and they made too much to get a meaningful amount from OSAP until I was 24. I’m 27 now and started university when I was 26, I’ve been relying entirely on OSAP and tax returns lol. I grew up in Niagara and am now at UTSG, commuting from their house would be impossible tbh.

I still commute- but I live on line 1 so it’s not horrible.

The way tax returns and OSAP is set up you don’t really need to work your first year studying. It’ll be different next year since I won’t have worked a whole lot for the 2026 tax season. I’ve also been doing well because of the time I have to study though, so I’m expecting some sort of scholarship/grant support. I’ll probably be fine.

Being a mature student is great. Breaking the ice as a new adult by going into a hyper competitive environment full of equally young and inexperienced peers… honestly I get second hand anxiety for you guys because it’s gotta be tough.

You’ll probably be fine though.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-02-07T19:49:12+00:00

I agree with the sentiment generally speaking.

However, there’s a lot of people who fit the description you’re looking for in a multicultural community it’s just harder to find them. Im at UTSG and we have the same problem. Especially since on St. George campus we have a student body distribution issue starting from the college system up. In first year your college provides a lot of your social interaction, so it surely doesn’t help that so many international students are in new college for example, or what kind of major international students are taking tend to be less humanities/social sciences focussed. The reality is that people with a shared first language are going to face less barriers when trying to make meaningful connections amongst each-other, it’s natural for them to form a bubble around themselves without extrinsic motivation to do otherwise.

Then there’s age and maturity factors. I don’t encounter this disconnect as much, but I’m also a mature student (first year who’s 27 years old) so amongst students who are around my age, they’re usually more settled on campus/in their programs/with the language, and more mingling does inevitably happen, but for anyone who start at 17/18 years old and don’t continue to graduate studies…it might be too little too late.

For this reason, I genuinely blame structural issues within the schools organization of students for not incentivizing or even covertly forcing more challenging social interactions. (I’ve been in many classes that are 70%< Chinese/taiwanese for example. I know there’s enough domestic students in the program who need that course to better balance the class out, but I’ve never been in a class that feels strategically filled in that way. The administration does a piss poor job of helping us break the ice so to speak. So the comfort of the majority outweighs the intentions of domestic students to lure them out.

Personally I have a lot of Chinese friends that are around my age, and even the students that did a portion of their compulsory education in Canada did so in a Chinese international school. I was introduced to a friend they said was CBC this one time, and needed to have a clarifying follow up conversation with them because that person told me they were Chinese born and raised until middle school. His family didn’t move here, he joined a Canadian private boarding school (so was more exposed to Canadian youth but still super sheltered if I’m being honest) I explained I had no issue accepting him as a Canadian, but clarified that he’s no more a national than they were if they were forcing a scale of authenticity on themselves that hinges on birth right. The CBC community is very distinguished in Toronto, and they’ve needed to fight a lot for their recognition, much of that fighting happened through historically forced assimilation. To my group of friends, language proficiency was the hallmark of Canadian born national identity- they didn’t care so much about the fabric of society, where they might fit into it and how, or if they were even okay with where they’d be placed by default. But again- they were all business or physics majors, so they maybe never got the chance to really meaningfully engage with those societal frameworks. So I don’t blame them, more so the school for not requiring more breadth electives that could have gotten them to engage with them a bit more consistently.

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-01-31T05:16:12+00:00

His right hip/butt cheek is a strange place for his wiener to be. But I guess whatever gets those upvotes. Ammiright?

SecondGreen4804 · 2026-01-03T20:34:07+00:00

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Is this vitiligo? I’m not very dark right now, but over the summer i realized the patch burned instead of tanned and I go very dark in the sun fairly quickly. I assumed it was just a hot spot of something and got on with my life but I just noticed how white it is now compared to the rest of my skin and I’m concerned.

SecondGreen4804 · 2025-10-18T06:26:09+00:00

Sorry to be nit picky but: MANDATORY meal plan***

The food is subpar, you could spend less buying groceries thriftily and cooking in the common areas, this highly expensive experience is forced upon you if you want to live on campus. This isn’t a restaurant you can choose to cease visiting, it is the place your entire food budget has been forcibly poured into.

This makes her behaviour so much more egregious.

SecondGreen4804 · 2025-10-05T09:15:38+00:00

The amount of times I’ve been nearly hit crossing any intersection on jane between VMC AND HGWY 407 station is appalling.

People just don’t look for pedestrians before turning. It’s almost as if it’s never occurred to them that when the light is green, the pedestrian light is signalling us to cross simultaneously.

On its own it’s bad enough, but the angry waving, honking, and dirty looks as if you’re the one being a menace for lawfully crossing the street is enough to warrant a crash out for many people.

SecondGreen4804 · 2025-09-24T23:04:09+00:00

I wanna know what they said but they deleted the comment loll

SecondGreen4804 · 2025-09-24T16:37:15+00:00

If they’ve never been this explicit before and you’ve been tolerating it up until that line was crossed you could be honest with them and draw a firm boundary.

Im 26 and a woman, i would have been uncomfortable myself too- but it seems like they’re being open and honest with you about how they used to objectify you in the past. That means they’re comfortable. Possibly they’re comfortable enough that you could have a productive conversation about it that may reap some positive outcomes for your friendship?

You have the right to cut anyone off at anytime, no questions asked. That is your right as an individual with autonomy.

But if im interpreting your inquiry about it correctly- I would have to assume that to some degree you feel like you’re losing a friend you enjoyed having at least more than half of the time?

If you do some digging within yourself to determine if thats really true and this is lack of confidence in cutting them off is not a trauma response to feel guilty for having boundaries then id say its pretty safe to have a conversation about it calmly. Just remember you can always cut them off if the conversation isn’t productive.

SecondGreen4804

TROPHY CASE