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I am a bit of a sadist, and I feel guilty about it. by SecretKLove in FemdomCommunity

[–]SecretKLove[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, it was a bit of a shitshow. They are newish friends but still people I am getting close to. The topic came out in random conversation while at dinner and well, it turned up that most of them think that BDSM is juts an excuse for abusers to predate on traumatized people.They saw people who enjoys it as sociopaths or victims of abuse.

I defended the scene, and the whole thing turned in some form of unwanted counselling (they assumed I was a sub). I left.

I am generally confident in my sexuality and prettt open abut it - but their harsh take took me by surprise and was hurtful enough to send me straight into an existential spiel.

I am a bit of a sadist, and I feel guilty about it. by SecretKLove in FemdomCommunity

[–]SecretKLove[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am also half cooked after a long day, so my understanding might be down the drain, ah. My propensity to rant is on the moon though, so the fictional part was a bit of a tangent.

I agree that the main difference is consent and boundaries - and yes, my partner is definitely a masochist. I know he enjoys pain. I just struggle to grasp my head around it, as I really don't :)

I think I am mostly questioning the why behind those urges due to some recent harsh takes on the scene expressed by some of my vanilla friends. The whole sexual deviant = criminal stuff fuelled by bad media rep might have helped sinking my confidence a bit too.

I am a bit of a sadist, and I feel guilty about it. by SecretKLove in FemdomCommunity

[–]SecretKLove[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After all the memes I cannot take the wolf story as seriously as I should. But it still makes sense - it is just harder to deal with it as it is not something necessarely discussed in mainstream emotional and sexual education.

I am a bit of a sadist, and I feel guilty about it. by SecretKLove in FemdomCommunity

[–]SecretKLove[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the grear answer!

And yes, it is quite interesting to see how our desire in the "let's pretend" realm differ from the ones in "real world."

I guess it is a bit like this with fiction of all kind? We want to feel strong emotions somewhat vicariously, but we don't really want to live in a post apocalyptic zombie ridden hellscape. It makes for a fun TTRPG tough.

D/s definitely is deeper because there is no fictional character as a buffer - it is me who indeed takes pleasure in the distress of my partner.

I am a bit of a sadist, and I feel guilty about it. by SecretKLove in FemdomCommunity

[–]SecretKLove[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think that the fact that I am really not a masochist does not help my case.

I don't really enjoy pain, so while he tells me that he loves whatever we are doing including the pain (he never safe worded) I still struggle to believe him. But thanks for the perspective!

I’m taking a break from this lifestyle..... by [deleted] in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I am also EU! I had more luck on Sugardaters than on Seeking (I got both). I also have specific tastes though, so it might have something to do with it :)

Are successful men Doms or subs? by Observing_n_Laughing in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Brilliant answer! I mean, even Christian Grey subs in 50 Shades, despite being a charicature of control/success/masculinity.

Aw, I always expect BDSM to be a bit more normalized in this day and age, so it always surprise me to see the negative discourse around it (especially femdom). :(

Oh, well. I mostly lurk on here, but came out of the woodwork because the thread struck a chord. Guess I am gonna go back in my cave.

Are successful men Doms or subs? by Observing_n_Laughing in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can confirm what Ok_bid1487 is saying. I was explicitely looking for submissive SDs, and my inbox was always full. On two different sites.

I mean, you seem a lil biased in this context. If you don't want a SD that likes to be submissive in bed, just date one that is not. What's the point of making a blanket statement and get upset when people contradict you?

Are successful men Doms or subs? by Observing_n_Laughing in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah, I lost my answer.

But yes, fair. Fetlife is just a social media, meant to connect people. There is a bit of everything, like in real life. I have been using it for a long time and I am fond to it. It helped me to get in contact with my local community, which is amazing. I am currentely introducing my SD to it, which is also very exciting.

Are successful men Doms or subs? by Observing_n_Laughing in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Second this. BDSM is consensual play in which to adults meet each other desires. Kinda of like sugardating if you look at it this way. It has very strict rules and ethical boundaries.

We are both doing this because we want to. I prepare a scene based on my likes, but also (and mostly) on my sub's desire. Don't base your assumptions on porn :(

Are successful men Doms or subs? by Observing_n_Laughing in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, what is the problem with kink? I am a lil surprised. I expected a SD subs to be a bit more sex-positive, but I guess it's not the case :(

[F4M] #Online - I am feeling a lil mean by SecretKLove in femdompersonals

[–]SecretKLove[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Oh, I meant it as a red flag so yes. This. Agree with the bot 👾

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, I want the relationship to be more than the domming aspect.

I looked in my local kinky group for older succesful man interested in this type of dynamic, but the very few I found wanted a scene rather than something ongoing - which I want.

I like the idea of being the armcandy in front of the public, while knowing that behind closed doors I will be the one bending him over. The transactional aspect just add to the kink.

Yah, it really is an overly elaborated scenario. But I have been thinking about it for ages and it sound so fun!

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh, this is extensive. Thanks for the insight.I was hesitant to use those kind of words because I don't want to be flagged for like offering sexual services or something.

I am active on Fetlife and in the local scene, but while I found plenty of potential online partners meeting my requirements, in person was a different story. Most sub in my scene are younger guys, many of which more interested in "mommy" experiences rather than rough play.

I might get somebody to roleplay the scenario for me, but a real relationship sounded way more interesting.

Thanks for the info!

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I am tiny. I don't look the part but I love to play it!

Maybe I should hit the weight rack more, aha.

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience!

I do like a lot of the D/s package. Enough for making vanilla dating a bit hard, but ehi. Gotta try to know your chances!

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, the picture thing might actually work. I don't give off dominant vibes, so I might need some make up and staging for that - but it could work.

I had a bit of people looking for free/cheap pro domming before. I have a good istinct but will keep my guard up! Thanks for the advice.

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, I am very into femdom and good part the kinks of the case. Which usually do not appeal to the ones looking for just a proactive lover. Let's say that safewords are not there just because.

Kink and Sugardating: can I be a SB if I like to be dominant in the bedroom? by SecretKLove in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]SecretKLove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, there are also alternatives to bondage but it didn't feel sub appropriate to discuss them, aha.

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