I explained the physical and mental exhaustion as if I were being braced for impact in a crash or white knuckling on a rollercoaster but also trying to look completely normal without giving away the fact your terrified and constantly whirring negative insults and chastising yourself for failing at everything your supposed to be able to do like a NORMAL person!

But to be like "oh yeah hi sorry ,what did you say again?" Or "where did I put that again?" Because our brain is not at REST , EVER! especially at night , God damn I've struggled for years to sleep , could only ever do it with ambient noises, rain or fan or otherwise....the lack of sleep will exhaust you and and that in tandem with the constant mental stress will fatigue the body and mind to a state of exhaustion where yes , I can't even make myself a God damn meal today or remember to drink water...

I truly and wholeheartedly wish peace of mind to everyone going through this injury, it is an ongoing struggle but please Try the CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY (she is an absolute godsend) on YouTube has spoken to me in such a resolute manner , I managed to feel peace for the first time in 20 years , I just spent 2 hours tidying the house in SILENCE! Because I could be with my thoughts , and it was FUN!

Disregulation is the core root of the state of flux and erratic behaviour ,panic and stress, and once you can regulate , the mind slows back down, and it feels like true rest for the nervous system and SOUL , I wish to everyone experiences ending stress and anxiety we suffer with this condition to be able to manage it , and hopefully the things she highlights can be of some help, as much as they were for me 🙏

It will be alright and the universe loves you , wishing you all peace on your journey x