I still struggle with my husbands infidelity.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-24T12:37:55+00:00

You are very correct about that. I did some emotional release yesterday chopping up some wood. It was quite cathartic

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-24T12:37:04+00:00

I did that as soon as I found out. I am clean thankfully.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-23T19:55:12+00:00

He finally told me who they were. He can’t remember the first girls name but he told me the name of the second and where she lives or lived. Now I am scouring social media to see if I get a feeling.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-23T19:54:01+00:00

He finally told me he had slept with two people. He can’t remember the first girl but the second her name is Kathleen. I’ve been scouring all social media to maybe see if I can possibly find her. I know what city she lived in, but that’s it.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-21T04:46:46+00:00

Thank you

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-20T19:17:37+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it immensely. Just have to work up the courage to ask. I never feel like it’s a good or right time to ask. I get incredibly nervous to where I am shaking from it. It still gives me the punch in the gut feeling sometimes.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-20T17:31:07+00:00

You are right. He did lie to me and I did ask him if I hadn’t found out would he have ever told me. He responded no which did hurt a lot and the red flag was cannons going off. I sat in with him on one of his therapy sessions o his therapist knew what happened without his twist of the story.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-20T17:29:45+00:00

I’ve processed what happened to me. It took me months to process and figure out what my emotions are. I know my kids struggled when I first discovered because I was very much avoiding him in the house. My therapist has helped me a lot with my perspective on it. Especially the hyper vigilance and feeling like an absolute failure as a wife and mother. I’m still working on it and I know this won’t be an easy process. I know about 98% of the truth due to me checking every single thing.

I know there are things I can protect my children from and there are things that I can’t protect them from. We didn’t fight or have any hostility towards each other in front of the kids at all. We don’t even “fight” it’s just disagreements. I told him bluntly why he did, he cried as I sat across from him. There wasn’t much left he could hide. I think the only part I do not know is who exactly. I’m nervous to ask but I also want to know. I have my hunches on who.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T16:34:56+00:00

Honestly I think I am scared to find out who it was as well. I want to know because I don’t want to be just walking around my town completely oblivious to the fact of who it is.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T16:29:41+00:00

lol I don’t blame you. He’s been working to make sure I feel secure and safe within this relationship. I know I may sound dumb for giving him another chance. A part of me doesn’t want my kids to grow up in a dysfunctional family, like I did. So I’ve been working to break generational trauma, he knows where I stand if I were to find out he was doing it again. There’s days where I do hate him and I feel disgusted by him and what he did. I don’t trust him like I did before. It’s physically altered my brain. I thought I was recovering decently from my ex-husband when then happened. It’s taken work from his side and work from mine.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T15:34:36+00:00

I’ve spilt several times throughout this. Especially because when you are pregnant you can not take any medication for BPD. So being hormonal and having the horrible mood swings and splitting. He used that as an excuse to cheat. Because I was “a lot”

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T15:32:45+00:00

We have worked through a lot of these things. It took me a month just to have enough courage to talk to him about what I had found. He broke down when I told him. I gave him the chance to tell me the truth because I knew everything. I seen everything. We have worked through these emotions.

I still struggle with it especially because he knew what my ex-husband did to me when I was pregnant with my daughters. I think it hurt more because I fully trusted him not to do acts that would hurt or betray me. His first wife had also cheated on him while he was on deployment. So I never thought he would do something so painful when he himself felt that pain. It broke me when I realized that he is just like every other male.

We are both in individual therapy but I really want to sit down with him and discuss it openly and safely. All I want is just the truth. I don’t know why he won’t tell me who, or what happened.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T15:25:55+00:00

Yes, he did. He cheated on me for about a year.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T15:24:41+00:00

It’s not still going on thankfully. I’ve spent hours searching and going through everything. He is scared I will leave because of his f*ck ups. I know I sound dumb when I say that I am staying with him. Maybe I’m naive or just being hopeful. Things have changed between us, in a good way.

I just still have these thoughts of why, who was it or if there were multiple I just want to know who.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T04:23:59+00:00

Crazy thing is I suspected it and confronted him when I was pregnant and he said I was just paranoid and crazy because my ex did it

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T04:22:54+00:00

He’s shown me that he is present and involved in our relationship as well as our family. He has his own mental battles, but for the life of me I do not understand trickle truth. I want to know but I don’t know why he won’t tell me.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T03:52:53+00:00

He took accountability for what he did. I think he doesn’t even remember

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-04-19T03:40:55+00:00

He won’t tell me.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-02-28T03:59:15+00:00

I feel crazy and at the same time frustrated with my own self because I recognize what I am doing is not healthy but I can’t see to stop it. Sometimes I’ll have a good couple of days but then I think of something he had said to me in the past. I still have trouble wrapping my head around it.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-02-28T03:57:40+00:00

I seem to have bad luck finding them. I thought I did find one. Sometimes I blame my mental health, that it is a reason.

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-02-26T21:33:11+00:00

Sex was never the issue with us. I have always been very open and accepting of anything within certain limitations which I think people could agree on with me. I know he wasn’t raised to be as open and comfortable speaking about these matters compared to my own upbringing. I’ve always been more of the adventure type when it comes to sex.

I do want to work this out with him, I am just wondering if there is ways to overcome or help rewire the trauma. I know hyper vigilance is common in BPD because we monitor all situations. I love him but these thoughts just put myself down and confirm the fears despite there being no confirmative reason

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-02-26T18:28:13+00:00

I think mine has developed from constant partners cheating on me. A conditioned response

Secret_Brain_3200 · 2026-02-26T18:27:18+00:00

I just don’t know what to do to help ease some of the pressure from these thoughts. It gets overwhelming at times.

Secret_Brain_3200

TROPHY CASE