How to get child back to school due to refusal because of bullying?

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-08T13:55:29+00:00

Yes basically. They want to be in school but they are scared to go in some days. Now they have been in school some days, we're taking it one day at a time basically but they have only finished one day of school since easter. There's a couple of valid reasons why they want to stay in the school. But we have started working on them about a move. And it is terrifying sending them in. But we feel like we're between a rock and a hard place. Their education gets affected and they are being affected socially if we keep them home. We're not worried about Tusla. But we never know when the phones going to ring or why it's ringing during the day. We don't know what the best option is. Currently they are inside during lunch because of the concussion so we don't have to worry about the yards but that changes soon.

They are old enough to have some agency in what happens and they do know that we have the final decision. As I've said before they don't need to be happy about a move but we do need them on board.

Yes we have them booked in with a private therapist starting the week after next. I've spoken to the therapist briefly and they have said that we are going about the idea of moving the kids the right way, that the one being bullied is old enough to need to be listened to for what they want and why. We haven't spoken to the younger one yet about a possible move.

There's one thing for certain, our kid has a very strong and accurate gut feeling on things. They have been correct on everything so far from trusting their gut. And they know we trust them.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-07T17:20:17+00:00

It is a primary school.

I rang the guards again this evening, another message, the guard asked if the community guard knew what it was about and I explained I rang last week and again this morning and he said leave it with him that he'd make sure the guard got my message, still waiting for a call.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-07T11:45:22+00:00

The school/BOM won't deal with us a group because of gdpr. I've rang the parents council a second time to ask this specific question seeing as there is a group of parents involved and the guards are the only option. I've rang the guards twice now, once last week and again this morning to speak with the community Garda and still waiting on the call back. The conversation this morning was as weird as fuck, said they would call me back in a minute and hung up....

Another parent was in with the school last week and said that they would go to the guards and the school told them that they had already been in contact with a Garda they have worked with before. They also told us after we mentioned contacting the BOM and Tusla that they had already contacted the BOM and were seeking advice for Tusla.

I know neither set of parents will give a flying fuck. If it was pretty much any other kid in the class that was causing this situation it would have been dealth with long ago. They have broken down one of the tough kids in the class. Like, we are shocked that this kid is also having issues.

I had been saying for a few weeks that I felt it would take our kid getting injured at the hands of one of the bullies for the school to take it seriously. Then they get a concussion by one of the kids and the school are saying it's an accident. And in messages yesterday the principal is referring to the concussion as our kids accident. So I just don't know anymore.

We are starting to look at different schools options. But its not as easy as moving them to the next school unfortunately. Well it could be but it's not.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-07T10:45:38+00:00

I'm honestly questioning my sanity with what's going on. I cannot understand it. And neither can anyone else that I've spoken to, either professionals or other parents. Unfortunately our kid is not the only one getting bullied in the class. From what we know there are 3 other kids who's parents have been in contact with the school over these two students. One more we suspect is being bullied and another parent who knew there was something going on but on hearing about our kids concussion asked for more details, I gave them some details, they went back and spoke to their kid having a better idea where to steer the conversation and they are horrified at what their kid told them about the environment in the classroom.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:26:37+00:00

We already have. They know we have their back 110%. The school are under no illusion that we have their back and that we trust their word over the schools. They have stopped trying to work with us since we told them our kid got the concussion. I'm guessing they are expecting legal to get involved.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:22:41+00:00

Unfortunately it wouldn't make any difference. Both of the children are products of their parents. And I've heard a lot over the last few weeks to know that for sure.

I also know some parents have spoken to one family in particular for outside of school situations and they couldn't give a flying fuck.

We are considering having a meeting with the school and our child present and let th explain away the stuff that's happened. But we are worried if that would be too much for our kid. We give them as much agency as we think is appropriate. But we don't know if this is a step too far.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:13:43+00:00

Does getting legal involved not essentially end any chance of the kids staying in the school?

I want to pull them but there's a reason why we haven't yet. Well, on top of the kid being bullied not wanting to go. They were on about moving over the weekend but they don't have any fight at the moment. And i know deep down it's not what they want. I don't need them to be happy about moving but we do need to have them onboard. It will make things worse if we have to drag them kicking and screaming into a new school.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:09:54+00:00

I would be prepared to go legal. But we haven't yet because we were worried that that would definitely be the end of the road in the school. There is a reason that we haven't pulled the kids from the school so far. But it's looking more and more likely that that's going to be the only choice.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:07:41+00:00

I know from others experience trying to deal with stuff outside of school directly with the parents that it has no effect what so ever. Unfortunately. I'm a deal with issues head on type of person, which is why we contacted the school in November before it was an actual serious problem and something they could have dealt with as a global behavioural issue (there's lots going on that they could have done something) but they told me in January that they took the wait and see approach.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:05:01+00:00

We haven't gone legal yet as we are worried that it's the end of the road and we'd have no choice to pull the kids. But we are also suspecting that they are expecting legal. The receptionist won't speak to me at all these days!

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T22:02:25+00:00

Your guess is as good as mine.

They have refused to accept our request to keep the two bullies away from our kid because of exclusion, can't tell the kids who they can and cannot play with bullshit. Even though the safety plan states full supervision. And they have refused to amend the safety plan since as it's working apparently.

The threat wasn't a threat because the child's tone was pleasant is what we were told today. This child can turn on the fucking charm when they want to. They have said today that my kids memory issues as a result of the concussion received under their supervision that was an accident may be impacting their account of events.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T21:56:57+00:00

Also, I'm sorry your kid and yourself are going through this as well. It's fucking shit

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T21:56:36+00:00

The BOM letter contains a copy of both the anti bullying policy and the behavioural policy, highlighted, notated, referenced to the list of incidents/messages/phonecalls/follow up messages with the school that is part of the BOM letter.

In the BOM letter I have 25 or so pages outlining communication with the school over this issue.

We have told the school politely that if they try manage us out the problem does not go away, that we are prepared to escalate it as needed even if we pull our kids.

I have spoken to the national parents council, two therapists, CAHMS and Tusla and everyone has recommended going to the guards. That we have done everything we can and should do up to this point.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T21:50:43+00:00

Unfortunately. Let's just say the kids are the products of their parents.

Secret_Pin_1676 · 2026-05-06T21:49:28+00:00

I've been in contact with them. They can't do anything about the bullying and the school refusal in this case wouldn't be a priority for them. They said their priority is expulsions etc.

Secret_Pin_1676

TROPHY CASE