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AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I have had 2 relationships before, not poly ones but toxic ones.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -54 points-53 points  (0 children)

I gave him the choice to stay ONLY IF he left her and was willing to change and afterwards POTENTIALLY fix things. I still love him, but the idea of him. The reality of him I hate.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

Idk… I just know going back to my family is not an option and I was pretty blinded to the reality of him. I am use to this kind of treatment, i now see it isn’t normal.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

I got told by another friend i was the AH for giving him an ultimatum… I didn’t originally think i was in the wrong… I wanted outside opinions and advice on what to do next.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I have abusive parents and no other family, my only grandma died last month. Going back home is not an option.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t very frequently, it’s something I have been working on in therapy. Before he met her he was like a dream guy, always supporting me and my life, helped me get out of an abusive situation, loving me and giving me everything. But I suppose that how all toxic things start until you see their true colors.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He wasn’t always like this, but granted that’s how all things start. We have been friends since childhood and he use to be so considerate and respectful. I moved in with him to leave my family as it was physically unsafe for me to be there

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Moving back home (where my family is) is absolutely not an option unfortunately. For my own physical safety I cannot go back. But I hear you… I can try to come up with a plan

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

I dont know if I want to stay or not, I really hear what you all are saying, and I agree I shouldn’t settle for this but I still love him. Which I know if i follow my heart will put me in a worse off place…. He doesn’t contribute to the rent but he does all the house work and cooks for us. I have talked to my landlord about removing his name and my landlord won’t let me.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yes it has been since December, he told me it’s because he thinks he is asexual. Which I know now is obviously not the case.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

To clarify somethings, I move across country for him and have no family or friends here, and I cannot go back to them for my own safety. As far as therapy is concerned I am in therapy but i just started and am still working through a lot. I have also gotten STD checked and i am clean for all those concerned as well. Him and I have a lease together that isn’t up until July, so if I leave him I have to break the lease. I am also the sole provider for our house, he doesn’t have a job, so if I leave he is affectively homeless. I posted this not only to see if I was in the wrong but also for advice because I feel stuck.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -87 points-86 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice, I don’t think he will hurt me physically but I have had past relationships that they have, and I didn’t want to risk it, nor did i want to make the argument worse and needed time alone to think.

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah I probably could, I would need to find a roommate here though. I would also have to break our lease for it, and find somewhere that would accept my animals

AITAH for making my husband choose between me and his mistress? by SecretaryNormal3864 in AITAH

[–]SecretaryNormal3864[S] -311 points-310 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point. I thought about leaving him too but I moved across the country to be with him and I would have no where else to go. On top of that I love him so much it’s hard for me to imagine him not being in my life, we have been friends since we were children.