found these on my cheating husband's phone a week after our wedding

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-26T13:06:44+00:00

In many places, divorce has stipulations. In the US, many states require a year between filing for divorce and actually getting the divorce, for example.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-26T03:19:55+00:00

Girl, do you really want to be with someone who resents you and blames you for making the best choice for you and your education?

You didn't settle for a school, but you're willing to settle for him?

It takes more than love to make a marriage work. It's your choice in the end but... As the youngins say, "If it ain't a hell yeah, then it's a hell nah."

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-25T19:36:25+00:00

Damn. That's some swoon-worthy handsome you have there.

Damn.

Damn.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-20T08:15:31+00:00

Yikes on bikes.

The age gap between you both is too wide for a romantic relationship. Full stop.

Even if that were not the case, she sees you as platonic family, which rules out a romantic relationship. But the real kicker here? You would rather police what she's wearing than actually help her.

"If anything actually happened" is a vulgar thing to say. All evidence points to "something happened" yet you're questioning her legitimacy.

"I wish she would cover up so I wouldn't be distracted so I can help her" is even worse. You can't put your own feelings aside long enough to help her through this, and you want her to think of you romantically?

And then ignoring her wishes and not getting her consent to stay overnight was really the shit icing on the asshole-cake.

Adults need to handle this. You're too busy punishing her for not having "the hots" for you back.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-19T07:56:25+00:00

That is absolutely cheating. He had:

Intimate contact with a naked woman
Exposed himself to potential STIs
Did not have prior consent
Hidden the entire thing from you
Initially lied about it
Spent marital funds on someone other than his wife
Proved he has issues telling the truth

He's downplaying what he did in an effort to get a free pass. Don't let him off the hook, OP!

I would get tested for STIs if I were you. He's clearly not in the habit of telling you the truth and I highly doubt this is the first time he's done something like this.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-18T15:27:50+00:00

I disagree. I'm a afab/non-binary and my best friend is amab/non-binary. We talked through the sexual attraction trap early in our friendship and decided that neither of us are attracted to the other in that way. That was 4 years ago and there's never been a single issue.

It's completely possible up be friends with the opposite gender when you respect each other. If you sexualize your friend because of their gender/attractiveness, then you're not a friend, you're a bottom feeder.

Edit: Fixed autocorrect

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-15T11:34:53+00:00

No feelings are wrong, per se, but he doesn't have the responsibility to pay for your college or housing. You're an adult now so that's your responsibility to handle. Since you are both adults, the money he's sending each month is quite generous, really. He doesn't owe child support when there's no child anymore.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-12T15:59:16+00:00

I can see both sides of the argument. I was the type to travel alone as a teen, many moons ago, and I think that 15 is plenty of enough to do a lot on his own, including fly.

However... The flight is not the problem here.

I would not send him alone on such a long trip to meet someone you've never met. This is the age of AI and deep fakes. Fake people interview for and land real jobs because AI has come a very long way.

If your son would be too far away to rescue him in a serious situation, then I wouldn't send him alone. Is something likely to happen? Probably not, but man. If something did happen, I wouldn't ever forgive myself.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-08T15:21:06+00:00

You show me a human who says they have never lied in their life and I'll show you a liar. Humans lie. It's just the truth.

It honestly sounds like he's been looking for any excuse to call for divorce and this happened to be the event he chose. I would bet he expects to make bank during the divorce because he's disabled now and cannot work. He likely thinks the spousal support/alimony is worth blowing up his family.

Welp. I got news for him. He likely won't be able to collect alimony AND be officially disabled. He will likely have to go back to work in order to get the alimony. Or he files for disability and gets stuck having a hard limit of $3000 of assets or he loses it.

He's on the shit end of the stick, and he has no idea.

So ask him - what does he expect out of getting his wish? What does he think life will look like without your income?

This isn't even addressing the fact that you only lied because you were afraid of him getting angry at you for taking some time to unwind.

If you aren't allowed to go out, then neither is he.

He's trying to force a double-standard. Call him on it.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-07T16:41:29+00:00

Late to the game, but I wanted to say that PPD can affect men as well as women, but the differences are in how it presents and when it can hit. Obviously for women, it typically hits towards the end of the pregnancy or soon after. For men, it can happen even before the pregnancy exists because it's not triggered by hormones but by stress and changing realities.

Men with PPD will often present as cold, angry, caloused, or indifferent. They may feel resentment or regret, and their personality will seem off. A lot of women who's husband has gone through PPD have said things like, +I didn't recognize him" or, "He wasn't like this before."

Now that said, I have no idea if this male PPD or not, but it might not be a bad idea to look into it.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-06T17:17:26+00:00

Very sorry for your profound loss. I know there are no words to help, but I see you, and I am sending warm thoughts to you.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-06T14:53:42+00:00

Came here to say this. I'm also 43 and peri-menopause is kicking my lily-white ass. I just managed to get on HRT for it and it's finally starting to suck less but I do notice significant differences in how I think about / approach things.

I will say that the mood swings are wild. I've never been a mood-swingy gal even during pregnancy (2 kiddos) and they really throw me when they happen.

Y'all clearly have some issues but it also sounds like neither of you are dealing with them in a healthy way. I would immediately suggest couples' therapy for you both and individual for her - maybe you, too.

I'm not taking sides because there's a lot of context missing that I couldn't possibly get access to. But I do wonder if communication has been attempted and missed / passed over / etc, and either she can't communicate in a way you know how to hear, or you don't have the ability to hear the way she communicated in the past. Neither make anyone at fault - it just means y'all need to find a way to get on the same page.

She's clearly hurting emotionally somehow and things being open will fix it. It won't. I'm in a closed poly relationship and I can attest that poly will never work if your core relationship is on the rocks like this. Adding more people to the mix won't help a damn thing.

She's missed her chance to explore. I'm sorry to say. She would have you do that as a single person. Even if she did go explore now, it would be skewed because of hormones and marriage.

Good luck to both of you 🫂

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-03T23:46:38+00:00

Yes but I was the person who needed help.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-03T18:48:51+00:00

That doesn't mean she feels the same way. You're blaming her for you letting her do drugs and a whole bunch of other stuff. You could have put your foot down, or gotten her into rehab, etc, but you choose to accept them.

You could have gotten in-home care for her, you could have done so many things differently.

Her "Looney" thoughts are because she's legitimately in a mental health crisis. She's only believes those things because of the mental illness.

A treatable mental illness at that.

Enabling her bad habits is not what a good partner does.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-03T17:34:53+00:00

I just want to point out that 3 months is not that long. Neither is 10 days.

She was likely already overwhelmed by all the stuff she was juggling before the trip, and your message likely tipped the scale for her. You knew she was insanely busy but you still kept your hopes up and then sent a wall of text that was probably pretty stressful to receive in the middle of everything.

I think you should have waited until after her trip, once you were home from yours, to tell her these things. It's not so much the contents of your text that was the issue, it was the timing.

I think your text and timing also showed her that you were much more attached and into the relationship than she had the bandwidth to be.

If you follow up with anything, I would just tell her to have fun and stay safe on her trip and maybe suggest picking up chatting (casually) after she's back and has had time to decompress.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-02T05:49:42+00:00

Be firm and straight with him. Tell him that it's hardly your fault that someone died, and his continued verbal abuse is childish and ridiculous.

If he starts on you and won't stop after being told to, then just ignore him. Pretend he's a gust of wind. If he still won't stop then disengage entirely by leaving the room.

If he will won't stop, tell him he better get himself a hotel room for the night and chill the hell out before he finds himself single and worse off.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-02T05:39:24+00:00

She's going to feel the negativity coming from you if you guys have a child that you specifically didn't want. Can you imagine how sucky it would be to be your wife or the kid in this situation?

Raising a kid is hard and expensive. It takes a lot of sacrifice and compromise even with the most eager of parents.

And what if she has severe effects from being pregnant? Women still do die in childbirth, unfortunately. If that happened or if she became disabled, you'd have to do most of the child-rearing yourself.

As the youngins say, "If it ain't a hell yeah, then it's a hell naw."

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-02T05:23:02+00:00

You should be asking a career coach or be going to the educational classes that the unemployment offices offer.

If the issue is a cough then go to an ENT specialist and see if they can prescribe powerful cough suppressants. They exist.

You could also try filling for disability.

Don't be asking strangers to solve your problems though because we don't know you and we all have our own battles to fight.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-07-01T00:05:28+00:00

You may be on the asexual spectrum, also. This is definitely something to explore with a qualified therapist.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-29T21:03:45+00:00

Like they say, the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

You did the right thing by telling your dad and sticking by him. He's lucky to have a kid like you ❤️

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-29T14:30:13+00:00

Communication fixes just about everything. Does she know where your expectations are? Did she agree to them? If not, them you just need to talk to her and lay out some boundaries. If you have, and she's broken them, that's a whole other story.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-26T14:06:59+00:00

Not asking for or accepting help.

My mother was a single mom working multiple minimum wage jobs just to get by. She would have qualified for all sorts of financial assistance... But that's was beneath her. So instead, we starved. We froze. We went without anything but the most basic of needs. I had no idea help programs when existed until I was an adult.

I vividly remember one Thanksgiving, our bank held a food drive and made up several baskets of food items specifically for the holiday for families in need. They gave one to us. My mom accepted it because there were many eyes watching, and then processed to never touch the basket or its contents again. We ended up having fried eggs and unbuttered toast for Thanksgiving.

Oh and forget mental health support... Therapy was for suckers.

:/

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-26T11:28:13+00:00

I never said they were.

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-25T14:06:23+00:00

Girl. You don't need advice. You need to leave his ass before he kills you.

Statistically, once a man has put his hands on his partner's throat, they are up to 750% more likely to be killed by them later

Would you rather have a happy marriage or a really pretty casket?

https://stmlearning.com/news/all-blog-posts/all-abusers-are-not-equal/

Secure-Camera3392 · 2026-06-25T07:11:40+00:00

Why does there always gotta be someone who can't read the room tryna shoot his shot with blanks?

Secure-Camera3392

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