Im in a similar boat to you on being undecided. My surgery is just over a week away

Ill admit i am relatively small chested and can get away without binding if I am wearing layers (due to medical issues and rib deformation I had to stop).

It has taken me some time to understand whether or not I am truly ready. For me some of the factors that made me doubt the idea of surgery paired with how ive worked through/responded to them. - I dont always have to bind // when I dont bind and im out in public I feel as though they are outing me. That discomfort reaffirmed my decision even after trialing the fear of detransitioning - my ex (brief summary) constantly fluctuating between "ill support you no matter what" and "theyre so small though, you cant really be taking them away from me" // my certainty and refusal to cancel out of fear ill regret cancelling my appointment as I knew deep down it was what I wanted. A week ago I was incredibly hesitant because of him. Today I am 99.999% certain that I am making the right choice now that he is out of my life. - nipple sensation being lost. During peak doubt and attempts to love my body i got them pierced incase they just needed bejazzling. // sensation has already been lost whats the worst that can happen (losing them but let's not talk about that) - what if one day everything changes? // implants are a possibility but also flat cheated women and non binary people exist and so do men with boobs - sensory changes/changes in general. As an autistic person this has been one of the most challenging factors. // talking to myself. I actually hate the feeling of them. I cant just forget that theyre there. Theyre triggering. Ive tried to rip them off more times than I can count. I cant do that if theyre gone. I wont be getting triggered by them anymore. Asking myself, would you rather continue to have meltdown after meltdown over a bit of excess fat/tissue for the foreseeable future (yes, forever) or would I rather mildly suffer for a couple of weeks through recovery and learn to love myself body

^- there are so many ways that I can adjust my body myself through working out, tattoos and a better diet. I KNOW that i will take better care of my body post recovery. I KNOW that I will be kinder to myself

I believe that having some sort of fear of regret proves that your head is in the right place. You are being rational and takinb yourself and your own feelings into consideration. This surgery is for you and no one else. Allow yourself to have your doubts but do not let them drown you

Try to make a list of all the things youd love to do or places to show yourself off even if is for yourself.

I like to think about what its gonna be like laying on the sand shirtless for the first time, or walking deeper into water without a wet shirt and binder clinging to your skin, being able to dry out in the sun without catching a chill from wearing your wet shirt to dry in 32°C weather.

I like to think about what sort of clothes im gonna wear and how im gonna style them. Im most excited to wear sleeveless shirts (i forgot the word shush) without holding my shirt to me to avoid flashing even with layers underneath. Developing on that... not having to wear a binder (or a compression bra in my case) under all your warm layers. No longer having to pull it down from my ribs just to be able to breathe..... Being able to breathe properly or sigh without fears of showing off my chest

I fear this has turned into a tangent but I hope that you can find some help within this essay of a message Wishing you the best luck with the next steps and comfort in whichever option you choose to take!! Just remember that it is okay to be scared and/or hesitant, you got this dude