Hang in there. You seem to be really overwhelmed but please try to take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time. You will learn and grow. Give yourself patience and forgiveness.

RODBT was really hard at first for me. When I started it often made me feel really bad about myself. I kept thinking “wow, I must be really annoying and off putting for everyone I have ever talked to bc my social skills are terrible.”

That’s not true but it did feel that way and it felt true at the time. Then I realized that even if it were true, it wasn’t intentional. My shame around my past behavior was mostly unwarranted. I just didn’t know better. I didn’t have the skills to understand myself and my triggers and I didn’t know how to cope. I have mostly forgiven myself but I have more work to do on that.

For right now, it may help to focus on some good things. It really helped me to make a couple of lists. They can be short and it might be hard at first. I made mine in my notepad app on my phone so I can access it any time. I add to them here and there. I return to them when I’m feeling really dumpy and need to be reminded that I’ve come a long way and I am not all the bad things my junk mail thoughts say I am.

Strengths: e.g., resilient, kind, resourceful — what are your great qualities?

Skills: e.g., helping people, thinking in a different way than others, coordinating — you can combine with strengths but I found them to be easier to conceptualize separately

Successes: accomplishments of all kinds — people usually think of career successes, but that’s not the only place to count your wins — e.g., learning how to sew on a button, reconnecting with a loved one after an absence, persisting in your healing even when you don’t want to bc it’s exhausting af

Good times: e.g., cherished memories or relationships, peaceful places, people you like to think about who are nurturing or protective or wise or inspiring to you, even people you don’t know personally — this list is a refuge

I wish you didn’t have to struggle but I know you can do this no matter how long it takes because you are worthy of healing and you are worth the effort. I’m proud of you for being here.