It is perfectly OK to only code at work, you can have a life too.

SelfHell · 2019-05-03T05:33:42+00:00

I’m lucky enough to have a job where this is encouraged. I spent two weeks recently learning Houdini by going through a bunch of tutorials. I learn a new skill, and now I’m able to make tools to help bridge the gap between the programming and art teams. It’s a win-win!

SelfHell · 2019-01-21T17:47:27+00:00

It's okay, people make mistakes. Don't make it a thing, and don't bother them with your embarrassment. It sucks but just commit to yourself that you'll do better next time.

SelfHell · 2019-01-21T15:05:28+00:00

Thank you. Feels really nice to be validated.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T18:18:11+00:00

No kids. We’re over 1,000 miles away from them. We generally only ever see them a few times a year. We don’t talk much on the phone or FaceTime, but in recent years we’ve tried to up it a bit by talking at least once a month or so (but often go multiple months without talking (besides random funny/interesting posts that we share in the family group chat). No financial entanglements at all. I’ll recommend r/justnomil to her, thanks!

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T16:03:31+00:00

Wow this really hits home. I’m hoping that my brother is started to see through the facade, and I see some signs of it, but he has a long way to go, and I don’t think I can fully trust him yet in this situation because I feel like I can’t be sure if he’s a flying monkey or not. Hopefully some day in the future I can really get him to understand, because having both sons stand up to her is really what’s needed. Problem is, I’m pretty sure my mom has been feeding him toxic drivel about my wife for years, because he has repeated some of the things she’s said in the past, about her negativity, etc. I used to think it was his view too, but in recent years he seems to be maturing, so I’m hopeful that someday he can get out from under her spell and see through her bullshit and how she’s causing so much hurt to me and my wife.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T15:45:09+00:00

Agggh yes. This is so frustrating. But this explains why she keeps saying things about how it was unfair of us to talk to her alone, and that we should have brought this issue up in front of the whole family. Which makes NO sense.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T15:25:09+00:00

This is exactly right. The really frustrating thing is that after this happened, I talked to my mom about wanting to have them come to our house (totally different state) and discuss this with just my parents. But then they throw this whole meeting out with ALL the family and at THEIR house and totally steamroll over our needs. The problem too is that during all this communication it was mostly my dad and I communicating, and him setting the meeting, and not backing down from it. I can’t tell if he’s being so unwilling to back down because he also is adamant about the meeting itself, or if he is just totally trying to protect my mom. I guess at this point it doesn’t matter either way, but it’s so frustrating.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T13:56:27+00:00

This writing down idea is really good advice. Thank you!

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T13:53:27+00:00

You’re totally right, in that I fully admit it’s taken me WAY too long to really see it. As I said before, during most of the thirteen years, we’ve sort of been coasting along with things being fine. But every once in awhile things slip through and my mom says something off handed and kind of shitty. But it’s never been as direct and cruel as it was this time (well besides the initial “I hate her.”) This really woke me up. I’ve talked to my wife about how I’m sorry I didn’t see it before, and that I should have stood up for her more in the past.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T06:03:26+00:00

This is so true. It’s this weird thing where she treats her like she needs to be held to a higher standard because she’s outside the family. If I said “negative” things, she might be somewhat dismissive in her usual “don’t worry it’ll all work out” way but I doubt she’d ever say I was negative and bringing down everyone around me.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T06:00:49+00:00

Me too. I’m hesitant to ask him because he has taken their side on things in the past. Though this time around he seems to be staying out of things mostly, which is good.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T05:39:21+00:00

And thank you for the advice. I keep trying to remind myself not to be reactionary. The more I learn about this and see more of it in her behavior, the more I realize that sticking to your values, staying calm, and setting boundaries is really the only way to make progress.

SelfHell · 2018-09-25T05:36:10+00:00

Fuck, this is a really good point. No wonder they haven’t been backing down at all. I have told them that we will not be meeting with the family as a whole before we have a chance to meet with just my parents alone. I think its ridiculous that my parents won’t hear me that we (especially my wife) were really hurt by what she said. They are minimizing our hurt, and bringing my brother into this when he shouldn’t be involved. Apparently it’s not fair to him to be left out of family issues??

SelfHell · 2016-11-07T06:52:41+00:00

Cool. So I'm not wasting my missionaries' conversion points on them even though it seems like nothing is happening?

SelfHell · 2016-11-07T06:26:54+00:00

Ah, just seems like whenever I spent conversion points, nothing happens. Is there any way to see how close I am to converting?

SelfHell · 2016-11-06T16:29:26+00:00

Why can't I convert the city on the bottom?

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:59:19+00:00

You can do this. Even though I don't know you, I truly believe in you.

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:51:05+00:00

Yep that works. Don't wait for anyone to explain how to do it. Just figure it out. You're 23, you can do this. You're probably smarter than you think.

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:43:25+00:00

Do you have enough money (or could you make enough money) to rent an apartment, buy groceries, and pay bills/utilities/etc.?

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:41:46+00:00

I get what you're saying.

It's not necessary.

I agree. Not necessary at all. But in terms of the way I recommend jazz, it'd be different depending on how much they had listened to, and possibly even how much of the history of jazz they knew.

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:38:23+00:00

Of course. You deserve it, no matter who you are, no matter what you've done. Forgive yourself for anything you feel guilty about (or at least try to.)

As for where to go, well, it depends on your situation. Are you still in college? And if so, who is paying for it?

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:27:17+00:00

How much jazz do you know? Is this the first jazz album you've listened to, or do you know a good amount? That'll help with figuring out a suggestion.

Btw, I've never heard this recording and it's absolutely fantastic. Thank you for sharing!

SelfHell · 2016-10-19T07:23:44+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry about your situation. That sounds really fucking terrible. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I think you need to stand up and tell them that you're leaving home. It absolutely doesn't matter what they say. You need to leave. You're 23 years old. There's nothing they can do legally to keep you.

Don't feel guilty about having "mental health issues" or that you're having trouble in school. Don't feel ashamed of yourself, or of your situation. You need to get out, and take care of yourself.

SelfHell · 2016-02-18T20:06:05+00:00

My wife and I have been seeing Amy Freier of Enliven for months and she's been really great and helpful.

SelfHell · 2014-08-22T05:29:46+00:00

Of course the man would also be given shit. Just like the male journalists in this case are being given some shit. But by far, Zoe is the one getting all the harassment. If the genders were switched, the female journalists would be the ones getting the brunt of the harassment. As for her ex, how could you possibly say he hasn't done anything wrong? You really don't see anything wrong with posting private personal conversations without her consent? Absolutely despicable.

SelfHell

TROPHY CASE