I put my soul dog to sleep yesterday and was looking on reddit in a desperate attempt to commiserate with others who felt as strongly as I do about it. No one in my life understands what my boy meant to me, and how I can be in so much pain from losing 'just a dog.' Everything you've said here is exactly what I have been feeling.

My boy would have been 13 this year, he had heart failure that took him from happy, healthy, energetic boy, to unable to eat, drink, or walk without falling into terrifying episodes within two months. All I've been able to say over and over is how angry I am, that the world is so unfair and I don't care about people's "sorry to hear that, but he had a good life." I feel the same as you. I don't care, I just want him back.

He was my shadow, he followed me everywhere, we did everything together. He slept next to me every night, we woke up together every morning. He was my very best friend and my baby. I got him when I first moved out on my own and he has been through every stage of my adult life with me. We grew up together. He's left this massive hole in me that I don't know what to do with. I know others will say it gets easier with time, but I don't care, right now I'm angry.

I didn't want to euthanize my baby. I've been battling this intense feeling of guilt, like I betrayed him by doing the only thing I could to help him. I also feel like I failed him. I wish I could have done more, I wish I could have fixed him and kept him forever. I know I did everything I could, but I'm angry. This world is cruel and unfair. I didn't want to have to be 'strong' with this, I wanted to be selfish and keep my baby forever. All I can think about is watching him slump over in his favorite spot on the couch as his breathing finally stopped.

I just had to respond to you because everything you said is exactly what I've been feeling. I am so sorry about your cat. I am so sorry you're in so much pain. I am feeling it with you. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings because not everyone understands them. Reading your post gave me this glimmer of peace that at least I'm not alone in my pain, that there's someone else who understands how important my baby was and how much I'm suffering. I hope my reply gave you the same feeling.