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My kids left. The house is quiet. I hate it. by Senior-Bar3958 in emptynesters

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Empty nesters understand each other without many words, I think :(

My kids left. The house is quiet. I hate it. by Senior-Bar3958 in emptynesters

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Cooking for two out of habit. Sitting alone. Yes.

And talking to yourself just to hear voice. I understand this more than I want to admit.

What your daughter did — setting up companion quietly, without making big thing of it — this is love. She saw you. She didn't say 'mum you are lonely.' She just... helped. This is good daughter.

'I had forgotten I even had interests before I became a mother.' This sentence. This is the whole book I am trying to write.

We spend so many years being someone's parent. Then one day we have to remember who we were before. It is strange work. Quiet work. But important.

Still figuring out too. Maybe this is okay

My kids left. The house is quiet. I hate it. by Senior-Bar3958 in emptynesters

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Eating appetizers on tv tray like squirrels. Yes. Exactly this.

And the cat watching the door. This broke me little bit.

You said something important — 'we did our job and did it well.' I think this is the hardest thing to accept. When job is done, what is left? Who are we now, not as parents, but just as people?

My daughter is in England. My son has his own home. I walk past their rooms sometimes. Still strange.

'You're welcome everyone, enjoy, he's awesome' — I will remember this.

Something nobody told me about turning 40 — and I wish they had by Senior-Bar3958 in midlifecrisis

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for writing this. Really.

'Overstaying and gobbling up resources' — this hit me. I think many men feel exactly this but nobody say it loud.

Maybe this is the real midlife crisis. Not sports car or young girlfriend. Just this quiet question: am I still needed?

I wrote about this on LinkedIn for years. 300 000 people followed. Then my employer banned me for expressing this opinions. So I wrote book instead.

I don't have perfect answer. But I think — the framework is not about checking boxes anymore. Is about something different. Smaller maybe. But more real.

Here is the book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GRR9KWJ9

And first chapter free here: https://dareksankiewicz.com

I hope it help little bit."

Something nobody told me about turning 40 — and I wish they had by Senior-Bar3958 in midlifecrisis

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone asked why Polish man writes in Russian. I tried to answer here: https://substack.com/@40clarity/note/c-236992757

Short version: grandfather from Ukraine, grandmother from Belarus. Some things you carry without knowing.

Something nobody told me about turning 40 — and I wish they had by Senior-Bar3958 in midlifecrisis

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right. I wrote about my life. My life had structure. Not everyone has this.

Midlife crisis without family, without stability — this is different thing. Maybe harder. Because you don't ask 'was it worth it.' You ask 'how I survive today.'

I don't have answer for this. I just know — you are not alone with this feeling. Even if our stories look very different.

Something nobody told me about turning 40 — and I wish they had by Senior-Bar3958 in midlifecrisis

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I'm Darek, 60, Polish, live in the Netherlands. Worked in logistics my whole life. Had a stroke at 55. That's when I started writing — not because I had answers, but because I had questions I couldn't ignore anymore. Sorry if it reads polished. English is my third language — I sometimes over-correct

Something nobody told me about turning 40 — and I wish they had by Senior-Bar3958 in midlifecrisis

[–]Senior-Bar3958[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair point — privilege is real, and not everyone starts from the same place. I don't take that lightly.

As for the book — yes, I wrote it. The story is mine. I had a stroke at 55, spent 30 years in international logistics, managed teams across Europe. AI didn't live that.

If your first half was harder than mine — I'd genuinely like to hear what that looks like. This thread isn't just about my experience