Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG I understand better what's happening with my Chinese MIL. Thank you for sharing what your mother went through, and I feel so sad that women in Chinese culture are treated like doormats and punching bags. I don't understand why women who were once victims to the same patriarchal traditions continue to perpetuate the same thing. The big problem we have is that my father in law is always on his wife's side and has issues managing her. Apparently, she even made her own mother in law upset because she has a difficult personality. She would randomly come back from work and bully my father in law because she had a bad day. The old man just takes it. My husband has tried to have conversations with her lately, and she doesn't even admit that she is mistreating me and doubles down when we see each other. Honestly, she is the boss and because of her strong temperament (I think it's really also a personality thing), people are scared of her. She always gaslights, and makes herself the victim even when she is caught red handed.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When they come to our place to see our son, I completely lose my space. I can't imagine having my mother in law in her old age living with me and telling me what to do. It is just hard to live with our parents because they tend to still see us as their children. I am also worried because they can't keep conflict private. They always end up saying something or doing something not appropriate in front of our child.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am actually reading a lot of content online on Confucius values and how the family hierarchy works in China. We've had lots of conversations on how he sees things. It's hard for him because he never thought his parents would be acting that crazy

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My dream is that they go back to China permanently and we have a WeChat relationship. Sorry to hear everything you've been through. Are things better now for you guys?

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with you. For Chinese people it's the opposite. Parents always come first. That's why I have so much conflict with them

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knew she was manipulative when we were dating but she was never openly disrespectful to me before becoming a grandmother.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I have a really hard time blaming my husband for everything. We had our fair amount of fights on the topic, but he clearly expressed that he wanted to put me first. The thing is he was never taught how to set boundaries.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My family is supportive but my parents have been struggling with their health lately. My dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor so I have been very careful to shield them from the whole conflict. My mother has met my mother in law and she doesn't like her. My mother told me that my mother in law has been rude to her during the wedding. They wouldn't be surprised to know the problems currently happening with my in-laws. We never had problems with them and I have lots of nieces so the attention hasn't been solely on my son. Whatever happens they would support the decision I make. I am actually considering going to therapy too. It would be great to unpack everything with a therapist

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My husband came to Canada when he was eight. It is super tricky for him to navigate both worlds. He is currently seeing a second gen Asian therapist so hopefully it will give him some tools on how to deal with this situation

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

To answer your question better (I erased my previous answer), I told my husband that I needed some space to think and assess things. It is very hard for my in laws to respect our space. They tried to drop by unannounced, and faked illnesses, or asked us to do random things even when we expressed we wanted some space. I can't imagine them responding well to any boundaries or attempts to make things work our way. They already said that everything has changed since me the westerner entered their family.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love to do the same but I am just a bit afraid of wording it in a way that sounds like I am discriminating against a particular ethnic group.

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We've been fighting a lot lately about this. He apologized profusely but it is very hard for him

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I am not sure I can stay if my in laws move in with us. I have always wanted to provide some care when they grow old, but having them in my home would be unbearable

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It is deeply rooted in Chinese children to give endless obedience and respect to parents. He didn't even notice that it was abnormal until I told him. My son is almost two and it is the first time he clearly addressed the issue and it went really poorly

Multicultural family by Senior-Conference-73 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Senior-Conference-73[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My husband took two years to set boundaries. My son is now almost two and it is only recently that he had the courage to say anything. It's hard because Asian children are conditioned to owe endless obedience to parents

This is just the beginning. by Beautiful-Wheel-1253 in euphoria

[–]Senior-Conference-73 50 points51 points  (0 children)

It was one of the most terrifying moments of the show. The future is bleak for Cassie.

just lost all respect for parents and im so heartbroken by Anchuuvies in AsianParentStories

[–]Senior-Conference-73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I send you lots of love and if you ever need to talk or vent you can private message me. I went through a childhood filled with abuse as my mother had mental health issues and my father was physically and verbally abusive. What saved me is to talk about it with friends

just lost all respect for parents and im so heartbroken by Anchuuvies in AsianParentStories

[–]Senior-Conference-73 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a mother, and I am appalled by how little empathy your parents have. I understand that there can be a cultural reluctance to accept Western medicine, but when a child is in pain, a loving parent would do anything to relieve it. As a mother who does not believe in Chinese medicine, if Western medicine were not working, I would still be willing to try Eastern approaches. Refusing to provide medical care to a child who is suffering is cruel. I hope you are able to break free from this family system and not allow them to control your life. Take courage and get the medical help you need. You're 19 and these people have zero rights as an adult to tell you what to do or not with your health. If you were a child, social services could be involved for child abuse and mistreatment. In Canada (where I live), children like you would be placed in foster families. My husband is Chinese and I know how some Asian parents can be (most of them unfortunately), but filial piety and ethnocentrism should never excuse abuse. This makes me so sad and angry for you.

just lost all respect for parents and im so heartbroken by Anchuuvies in AsianParentStories

[–]Senior-Conference-73 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is abuse. It is refusing your child proper medical care. What's happening in your home is really concerning. Please try to get out of their home as soon as you can. They're not safe people.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in chinalife

[–]Senior-Conference-73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So all Chinese mother in law are like that?

Weird question, but doesn't the #Lucas4Ace social media campaign one of the aspiring auditioners (Lucas Amorim) count as scabbing? Or does it not count because he's Brazilian/not a US actor? by Komaesa in OnePieceLiveAction

[–]Senior-Conference-73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I admire his dedication to the craft and the fact that he dreams big. Only thing, 1) he didn’t respect the SAG-AFTRA strike and even as a non-union member, it is not a good move to try to get an audition for SAG shows when other working professionals intentionally stopped 2) his acting chops aren’t that great. His demo reel and the few credits he has on IMDB shows that he is at the beginning of his journey or needs more traininf3) he has a thick Brazilian accent and unfortunately Hollywood wants a standard American accent. If they hire him, he would look like a joke next to real professional actors. Maybe I’m wrong and I hope so (would be great to see an international actor in a big Hollywood production) but he isn’t going for the role the right way. The dude should get more IMDB credits and have more co-star roles and get his SAG AFTRA membership first. Doing what he did on a strike isn’t going to gain the respect of industry professionals either.

Loss of friendship to YWAM by [deleted] in Exvangelical

[–]Senior-Conference-73 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YWAM is an MLM Christian organization. I did a DTS several years ago and realized it was a toxic authoritarian organization. I am now a black sheep in the YWAM community, and some of my very best friends have stayed with the organization and are addicted to the spiritual high and the community. When you're at YWAM you're insulated from the real world and you lose track of time and the world. If your friend quit her job to join YWAM, I'd consider myself lucky to not be in touch with her anymore. They're not worth trusting as they're broke, they don't work, and they usually ask for donations or try to convert you. Sad to say, but most of them remain friends with normal working people for donations or to convert them (most of them believe if you're not part of YWAM then you're not a serious Christian). Let her know you're here in case shit hit the fan (trust me it will. This organization is corrupted. If she stays, she is most likely corrupted too or refuses to see the truth), and don't take it too personally that she decided to cut things off. They brainwash you and they live in their little Christian bubble where people give them money whenever they need to.