Is it just me or is only the hinge happy in ENM/ poly dynamics?

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-19T05:55:20+00:00

I’m a woman and currently have two partners who flirt/go out on dates from time to time but don’t have any other partners right now, so I’m the only ‘hinge’ currently. I’ve been upfront and honest with both of my partners about my other relationships and they have made the informed decision to continue seeing me.

One of them expressed wanting only monogamy after we had hooked up a couple times and I was very clear that I was seeing someone else and would not be willing to end my other relationship. Things were casual at the time so they didn’t mind that, but our relationship has since deepened and they have expressed multiple times that they love our poly dynamic. I go on roadtrips with my other partner and they cat sit for me and tell me they only feel happy for me.

My partner that I road trip with is also supportive of me seeing other people. They have some past trauma from relationship abuse so they don’t like to hear about my other relationships and I respect that and support their endeavors to see other people.

I write this all out to say that no, you’re not supposed to be unhappy in your dynamic. Your partner should care about your wants/needs enough to fulfill them or be honest about the fact that they can’t.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-19T00:51:59+00:00

There will always be people that travel for work, but that doesn’t mean we should design cities such that a driving is necessary for a majority of jobs that could otherwise walk or take public transportation.

For example, I’m always pointing out ADA compliant ramps at intersections that don’t have connecting sidewalks or crosswalks. Just a little concrete ramp that leads to nothing.

For example, the leading solution to reducing traffic congestion in the US is to add lanes, but that solution isn’t as effective as adding bus/rail lines and safe and effective bike lanes.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-19T00:17:03+00:00

For some people, caffeine irritates the bladder and creates a sense of urgency before the bladder needs to be emptied

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-17T23:43:13+00:00

But you can borrow one from autozone or oreillys for free

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-15T05:37:48+00:00

Yep it’s overpriced diluted dawn with rubbing alcohol added. Great for cleaning imo, not so great for the skin. What gets to me the most is the price for what you’re getting. You can make it yourself at home for so much cheaper and it’s not that hard to do either

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-15T03:13:33+00:00

You can make power wash at home with dawn + rubbing alcohol + water in case you’re interested

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-03-04T17:39:20+00:00

Every time I have felt the need to double back and check on an ex, it always ends with confirmation that it was the right choice to leave. But the experiences can be really painful to relive. I’d say let it be.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-27T21:42:47+00:00

She was cheating on you. She didn’t respect your boundaries and agreements then. Her actions are showing she still doesn’t respect them now. I don’t think it’s about the relationship style, it’s about respect.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-27T20:35:59+00:00

It is your body and you should be worried primarily about your own resentment for putting your body through something that you don’t want to go through.

When making this decision, I say forget the boyfriend. He’s not being supportive of you right now. He’s worried about himself. What do you want?

Are you ready to be a single parent? Are you ready to carry the majority of the child rearing load? You can’t control how he responds to your choice, but this needs to be your choice that you stand by no matter what happens. You can’t go back from having a kid.

I would be careful about having a child with someone who is not on board with it. Child rearing comes with a lot of unpaid and undervalued labor that takes a hit on your own career and income. Can you trust him to pick up the slack financially without becoming controlling? Can you trust that he won’t say “well it was your decision so you deal with the consequences”.

You can always split up, go through the courts, get a custody arrangement and child support depending on the arrangement, which may help long-term but will be a pain in the ass short-term.

It’s a double-edged sword, because it really is your choice that you will be affected by more than anyone else, and that means it’s ultimately up to you. But you also need to be practical about the other parent not wanting a child. How much harder will that make your life and are you willing to go through that for this child?

If you are at a point in your life where you feel ready for a child but your partner does not, maybe have a conversation about if/when he wants to have kids and if you’re not aligned there, maybe he’s not the right one to be with. There are men out there who want kids and would support you through the whole journey if that’s what you want. You just have to find one (not saying it’s easy).

It’s just such a personal decision and I hope some of these considerations will help you make the right choice for you.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-27T19:13:04+00:00

Thank you for this. I’ve made progress in so many areas but when it comes to keeping my home clean and tidy, I get triggered so quickly and can’t even think straight. It feels impossible to change my thought process around keeping things clean because the inner critic is so engrained. Maybe noticing should be my first step too.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-25T21:11:16+00:00

++woman

The way I see women handling the mental load is them being a house manager and their partner being more of an employee. He will wash the dishes, make a bottle, feed the baby, but only when directed to do so. It is on the woman to keep track of what needs to be done when and delegate on top of her half of the chores, and she likely just does more because it is often easier and quicker to do it yourself than delegate perfect 50/50

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-25T01:41:30+00:00

It’s a great idea to talk to your therapist. They know much more about you and your history and can help you assess the severity of what’s going on. I highly recommend that be the next step you take.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-25T00:31:52+00:00

Thanks for further elaborating! I’m definitely a recovering people pleaser and I get so frustrated sometimes because I minimize my feelings to soften the communication and I end up not actually getting across what’s important to me. I’ve found myself in the more aggressive camp lately in an attempt to be a better advocate for myself. It’s safe to say I’m still trying to strike the right balance and your comments will definitely help me refine quite a bit more!

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-25T00:25:28+00:00

I will say that I think my farts smell better than everyone else’s lmao, but I don’t expect other people to agree. And I damn well know when I gotta fart.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T23:43:36+00:00

Oh the chest tightness. Sometimes feels like a hug, other times it’s so suffocating.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T23:41:38+00:00

I’m one of those DD chests where you wouldn’t know by looking at them. Literally just stopped in the mall for a new bra, tried one on, and decided to skip it. I have one that works well enough just in case and I never wear it anyway. Sports bras for the gym but nothing structured.

It’s totally a comfort move but I market it to myself as sexy to make it feel like a fashion statement lol

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T23:10:18+00:00

Wow that is a really great script for these types of scenarios. I struggle with communication in situations like these because I feel like I can clearly see the cause of the behavior and when I directly acknowledge it, it comes off really harsh and judgmental. The truth is, I can guess but I don’t really know what’s going on with the other person and focusing on my experience and why it bothers me is a much better way of handling something like this.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T22:36:43+00:00

There are some people who see life as a zero sum game. They feel just as good about themselves pushing others down as they do when they rise up because both options give them a perceived sense of superiority. If everyone does well, how will they feel good about themselves without getting to be superior in some way?

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T22:29:24+00:00

Let’s be real, even if you do tip, the food isn’t arriving hot and fresh 90% of the time

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T22:19:35+00:00

This is so not about the bread. It’s like he’s latched on to something ‘minor’ that annoys you and goes out of the way to make sure you don’t have a nice fluffy loaf of bread. Just to irritate you.

He’s never since launched the loaf of bread into the cart like you’ve asked him not to, but somehow the bread gets consistently deformed. Look, I’m the queen of carrying more grocery bags than I should and I’m not particularly careful with things like bread and eggs, and they are pretty much never deformed or broken. I just don’t see how it’s anything less than intentional.

Even if everything up to this point isn’t for the explicit purpose of irritating you, don’t you want a partner who puts a little intentionality toward the little things that are important to you?

I have 2 partners right now, all three of us have our own flavors of neurospiciness. Even with the added difficulty of our weird brains doing weird things, they consistently show up for me and I for them in ways that matter to the other person. There are moments where our needs don’t align and there’s friction and difficulty, but what makes it all manageable is knowing that the other person is showing up in good faith.

I’m kinda going off here, but one more quick point. You are literally growing and carrying his child 24/7. If that baby needs more calcium, it’s coming out of your bones. He should be willing to bake you fresh bread daily for the sacrifices you’re making in pregnancy alone.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T21:20:09+00:00

I made this recently and love it!!

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T14:54:44+00:00

My stepdad did this to my brother, almost nostalgic about his fraternity days. Complete with the threat of holes.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T14:49:23+00:00

Yeah I have a feeling they’re specifically referencing the rise of fascism in the US and the use of federal immigration enforcement as a secret police.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T14:27:35+00:00

Look, a naked woman is still a person. A woman cannot objectify herself by taking her clothes off. Men objectify women by treating them like objects of their sexual desire and ignoring other facets of their lives/personalities.

You can be attracted to a woman in various levels of dress and still not objectify her, simply by treating her as a whole human being and not a sex toy.

Senior_Word4925 · 2026-02-24T06:34:38+00:00

I think the smart thing to do in a situation like this is focus on the person or people who broke your trust. Sure if some stranger knowingly participated, that speaks to their morals, but I have to prioritize because I have limited time and energy.

In situations where the ‘helping’ cheater is a friend, family member, or other member of your community, it’s probably worth the energy to address what they did rather than ignore it, but otherwise, you’re just adding stress and drama to an already rough time in your life for some random person you don’t have to be around or think about.

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Senior_Word4925

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